What is the funniest thing you've heard a Drill Sergeant say?

Back in the old' spit-shining boots days of AIT<div><br></div><div>DS: there are three parts of the boot that has to be shined!</div><div>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The toe, the heel.......and the rest of the boot, ha-ha</div><div><br></div><div>Keep pushing!</div>

At Jackson, one of my Drill Sergeants really hated that he was on the Trail. He was an Artillery MOS with 82nd on his arm...he just wanted to go down-range again. Well about halfway through the cycle, he got news that he was going. Never really seen him smile before that day.

Anyway, it's his last day on post and we're all called into the bay to toe the line. We assume that we has going to give us some parting words of wisdom, maybe some well wishes...we were all pretty cool at that point.

Instead, he walks in, bags in his arms, and stares at us from his place up front. He drops his bags and opens his mouth like he's going to talk. Instead, he takes off his round brown, throws it across the room, pulls his red beret out of his pocket, puts it on, grabs his bags, and exits the bay. For some reason, that always stood out in my memory as much as any great lessons we might have learned.

First day of boot camp and the Recruit Division Commander (RDC) was introducing himself to my division.

RDC: Do any of you have a problem with profanity?
Recruit: (timidly raises his hand)
RDC: Okay, is that because of religious reasons?
Recruit: Yes, Petty Officer.
RDC: Too F**king bad! God makes exceptions for sailors!

He never stopped cursing and yelling from that point on.

"From this day forward, you will eat, sleep, f&amp;%*, and dance in roster number order".<br>

I was in Basic - we had a phantom sh*ter in (and I might have this wrong) I believe it was 3rd PLT - that was, there was someone using the bathroom #2 and not flushing. The Drill Sgts were going nuts trying to figure out who it was. The DS warned 3rd PLT that if the "problem" continued, they were going to make 3rd PLT pay.

Well, one morning, all the Drills rush us out of the Barracks into formation. 3rd PLT's phantom sh*ter struck again, failing to flush. The Senior Drill for the PLT lined 3rd up single file outside the stall, and out the bathroom down the hall.

The drill reaches into the commode, grabs a turd, and then turns to the first private in line - and tells him: "HOLD OUT YOUR HAND!" Private does as he's told, and Drill tells him "PASS IT DOWN THE LINE!"... He follows the turd as it gets passed down the line until it gets to the last private, and then yells at all the privates and says "EVERYONE BETTER SQUEEZE INTO THAT LATRINE!" and then he yells at the private till holding the turd: "PUT IT BACK IN THE TOILET". Then, finally he says "NOW FLUSH!"

Once the toilet is flushed, he allows all the privates to wash their hands and then has them reform up outside next to us. He comes out, and he says "UNLESS YOU WANT TO EAT A SH*T SANDWICH NEXT TIME, I SUGGEST YOU LEARN TO FLUSH AFTER USING THE BATHROOM!"

Needless to say, there was never an unflushed toilet or pisser - ever - in that Company, let alone that Platoon after that!

We just got a new batch of 'cruits, and I had them in formation doing roll call. As I got into the C's I had to stop, and look twice to make sure I read the name right. Just as I was getting ready to call the name, the PVT spoke up saying " That is how it pronounced DS". I looked up and told HER to go ahead and say it. She replied " It's PVT Cooter, DS". Didn't chuckle, but did shake my head.

I was in Basic in 75 at Fort Lost in the woods Misery, I volunteered to go Airborne and was accepted, All my Drills were straight Legs. They dogged my @$$ bad. They said in Roll call that every time my name was called drop and give them 20. They called my name so often I thought The Piet's were a complete platoon. But it did help me prepare for Airborne School. Jan 76.

"You could fall into a barrel full of titties and come out sucking your thumb." LOL

As a Drill Instructor at MCRD, 3rdRTBn, HCo, PISC we were picking up the last platoon in the series. Now the other three platoons had a set of twins, we were unfortunate not to have any. So during the course of forming we got the ugliest short white and black Pvt's together and made them our twins. When the other platoons called up their twins to compete we call ours up Pvt G and Pvt B, they were our technicolor twins and won the day. This was in 1971 ... End of story ...

Fort Sill OK, 1995.

DS: "Are you a D.I.C.K.?"
Me: "Drill Sergeant, No Drill Sergeant!"
DS: "You're not a Dedicated Individual Conditioned to Kill?"
Me: "Drill Sergeant, Yes Drill Sergeant!"
DS: "So you are a D.I.C.K?!"
Me: "Drill Sergeant, Yes Drill Sergeant!"
DS: "I thought so. You always looked like a D.I.C.K to me. This whole platoon is nothing but D.I.C.K.s. Now get down and beat your face! I want all you D.I.C.K.s to be hard. A soft D.I.C.K. isn't good for anything."

This was followed by stiffled laughter for easily a half an hour.