Posted on Feb 8, 2015
3 things Military Spouses wish Service Members actually understood
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All of us have gotten to know a Military Spouse one way or another; some of us ARE actually Military Spouses, some of us are married to one, and others have met one during family-oriented unit functions like a formal ball. Just like many of us who have worn the military uniform, Military Spouses occasionally feel like there are certain things that their Service Member spouses don’t truly understand about what it’s like to be in their shoes. Here are 3 of the most common. What would you add to this list?
1. Being called a “Dependa” or a “Dependapotomus” is insulting and makes me feel worthless.
This slang term hints at the military referring to spouses and children as dependents for accountability, compensation, health care, and other administrative reasons. “Being called a dependent doesn’t hurt my feelings,” says Shanice, whose husband is currently serving in the Army at Fort Bragg. “But when Service Members joke on social media that I am a ‘Dependapotomous’ and that I am only in this for health care coverage, or because they had nothing else going on in life, that really hurts. I wish that word would be made illegal in the military.”
2. When my Service Member deploys or is out training, I run the entire household by myself…and that’s not easy!
“I fully respect that the military must be hard work for Service Members like my husband, who is in the Air Force,” adds Tina from Hanscom Air Force Base. “We have three young kids and I am on my own with caring for them while also taking care of everything else we need to get done.” Reflecting on her husband’s 5-month deployment, Tina says she sometimes feels like Service Members assume that being the spouse is easy, and that those 5 months can feel like a year.
3. I put my own career goals on the back burner to support your military career.
Some readers may be surprised to learn that Military Spouses include professionals ranging from doctors and attorneys, to real estate agents and teachers. “It can be very hard to establish myself professionally in an area when we move every few years,” says Sarah, a real estate agent whose Marine Corps husband is based out of Camp Lejeune. “I make this sacrifice with a happy heart because I love and support my husband, but there are times when I feel like Service Members take for granted the negative impact that being a Military Spouse often has on one’s own career.”
Which of these points do you agree or disagree with? What would you add to this list? Let us know in the thread below.
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1. Being called a “Dependa” or a “Dependapotomus” is insulting and makes me feel worthless.
This slang term hints at the military referring to spouses and children as dependents for accountability, compensation, health care, and other administrative reasons. “Being called a dependent doesn’t hurt my feelings,” says Shanice, whose husband is currently serving in the Army at Fort Bragg. “But when Service Members joke on social media that I am a ‘Dependapotomous’ and that I am only in this for health care coverage, or because they had nothing else going on in life, that really hurts. I wish that word would be made illegal in the military.”
2. When my Service Member deploys or is out training, I run the entire household by myself…and that’s not easy!
“I fully respect that the military must be hard work for Service Members like my husband, who is in the Air Force,” adds Tina from Hanscom Air Force Base. “We have three young kids and I am on my own with caring for them while also taking care of everything else we need to get done.” Reflecting on her husband’s 5-month deployment, Tina says she sometimes feels like Service Members assume that being the spouse is easy, and that those 5 months can feel like a year.
3. I put my own career goals on the back burner to support your military career.
Some readers may be surprised to learn that Military Spouses include professionals ranging from doctors and attorneys, to real estate agents and teachers. “It can be very hard to establish myself professionally in an area when we move every few years,” says Sarah, a real estate agent whose Marine Corps husband is based out of Camp Lejeune. “I make this sacrifice with a happy heart because I love and support my husband, but there are times when I feel like Service Members take for granted the negative impact that being a Military Spouse often has on one’s own career.”
Which of these points do you agree or disagree with? What would you add to this list? Let us know in the thread below.
//
Tag: SGM Matthew Quick 1SG Steven Stankovich SFC Mark Merino SSG Laureano Pabon LTC Jason Strickland SSG Robert Burns SSG Scott Williams SSG V. Michelle Woods CPT (Join to see) Col (Join to see) Capt Brandon Charters SSgt Gregory Guina CMSgt James Nolan 1SG (Join to see) SSG (Join to see) 1LT John Martin TSgt Joshua Copeland 1SG (Join to see) SFC William Swartz Jr SFC (Join to see) Cpl (Join to see) SFC (Join to see) SGT Thomas Lucken SGT Richard H. MAJ (Join to see) SGM Charles Brainard CPT Gregory Wagoner CMSgt James Nolan SFC (Join to see) SCPO (Join to see) MSG Wade Huffman SSG (Join to see) SFC (Join to see) SPC Brian Aranda Cpl (Join to see) 1SG (Join to see) SFC(P) (Join to see) MAJ (Join to see) SFC William Swartz Jr SFC (Join to see) 1LT John Martin A1C Nathanial Snyder MSgt Allan Folsom CMDCM Gene Treants CWO2 (Join to see) LCpl Russell Velzen LTC Paul Labrador MSgt Allan Folsom CWO3 (Join to see) SGT Chris Stock SSG Justin McCoy CPT Michael Barden SSgt Alexander Ingram SGT Richard H. CMSgt James Nolan COL Steve Maranian SSG V. Michelle Woods SMSgt Minister Gerald A. Thomas SSG Peter Muse MSG Sean Hayes MAJ (Join to see) SPC(P) Micah Lavigne SFC(P) (Join to see) SFC Dr. Joseph Finck, BS, MA, DSS 1LT (Join to see) SFC (Join to see)
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Edited 10 y ago
Posted 10 y ago
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First, I want to say that my first Marriage contained a “Dependapotomus” and I paid a great price because of it.
YES, they truly exist! The one I Cohabitated with is still on the welfare system to this day.
Now, my actual Wife is an Incredible Woman who is very successful. She came from a small town and has done almost everything on her own. She is a Nurse and 3-weeks shy of her Masters Degree. She makes more money than I no matter where we are.
On to point one, If the word “Dependapotomus” offends you then you must be one. Not all spouses are in this category but there are many who are. These are individuals who know they have nothing and don't care to amount to anything. They prey on our young Soldiers or Older Soldiers going through rough times (Bad Divorce) and take advantage of them to the fullest. Basically tricking said Soldier or worse trapping them into marriage. Not sure if it is true but there was a story of someone selling a "Positive Pregnancy Test" to women trying to trick Soldiers in Fayetteville area. (Fort Bragg)
Point two, I am not going to deny that taking care of the household is a hard job with multiple kids involved. Of course my question would be did y'all as a couple plan each and every child? If not then don't complain when it is too much. Deployments are rough for Single Soldiers as well; quite possibly even more-so as they know they really have no one to return home to. Nothing to be excited about except to be back in the States. Proper Planning is the answer in this argument.
The last point is so full of excuses it is Pathetic! Utilizing the fact that we PCS every 3-4 Years is not a valid argument especially for a "TRUE Professional" career field. As I stated earlier my wife is a Nurse and has had no issues obtaining a great job position when we move. In fact on this PCS she had a Position solidified before we got here. Her Sister is the same way; always able to obtain a position. Women who say they are putting their "Career" on hold for their Military Spouse are using that as a crutch to be LAZY! Bottom Line! Again, my Wife not only has a full time job but is finishing her Masters Degree. It is all about what you want in life!
Great Topic for a Sunday morning CPT Aaron Kletzing, I believe this is the longest post I have ever placed. I just cannot believe how easy it is for people to make excuses instead of formulating an "Action Plan" to accomplish what they want.
Especially for those that say they are pacing their career on hold? What is going to happen when there is no more Military either by retirement or drawdown? I mean that is not the time to think about starting. I am at peace knowing my Wife will get a Great Job no matter what and I am still trying to work my alternative plan.
YES, they truly exist! The one I Cohabitated with is still on the welfare system to this day.
Now, my actual Wife is an Incredible Woman who is very successful. She came from a small town and has done almost everything on her own. She is a Nurse and 3-weeks shy of her Masters Degree. She makes more money than I no matter where we are.
On to point one, If the word “Dependapotomus” offends you then you must be one. Not all spouses are in this category but there are many who are. These are individuals who know they have nothing and don't care to amount to anything. They prey on our young Soldiers or Older Soldiers going through rough times (Bad Divorce) and take advantage of them to the fullest. Basically tricking said Soldier or worse trapping them into marriage. Not sure if it is true but there was a story of someone selling a "Positive Pregnancy Test" to women trying to trick Soldiers in Fayetteville area. (Fort Bragg)
Point two, I am not going to deny that taking care of the household is a hard job with multiple kids involved. Of course my question would be did y'all as a couple plan each and every child? If not then don't complain when it is too much. Deployments are rough for Single Soldiers as well; quite possibly even more-so as they know they really have no one to return home to. Nothing to be excited about except to be back in the States. Proper Planning is the answer in this argument.
The last point is so full of excuses it is Pathetic! Utilizing the fact that we PCS every 3-4 Years is not a valid argument especially for a "TRUE Professional" career field. As I stated earlier my wife is a Nurse and has had no issues obtaining a great job position when we move. In fact on this PCS she had a Position solidified before we got here. Her Sister is the same way; always able to obtain a position. Women who say they are putting their "Career" on hold for their Military Spouse are using that as a crutch to be LAZY! Bottom Line! Again, my Wife not only has a full time job but is finishing her Masters Degree. It is all about what you want in life!
Great Topic for a Sunday morning CPT Aaron Kletzing, I believe this is the longest post I have ever placed. I just cannot believe how easy it is for people to make excuses instead of formulating an "Action Plan" to accomplish what they want.
Especially for those that say they are pacing their career on hold? What is going to happen when there is no more Military either by retirement or drawdown? I mean that is not the time to think about starting. I am at peace knowing my Wife will get a Great Job no matter what and I am still trying to work my alternative plan.
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SGT (Join to see)
I couldn't agree with you more as a significant other to a combat veteran with over 4 deployments, and as a female in the Army myself. Take offense, and you see those stereotypes as who you are...period. Those who have careers or personal goals really don't have time to consider those dumb ass labels. Point blank. I consider myself a highly motivated, career oriented woman who understands the sacrifices any spouse makes for their loved one on deployment. But at the end of the day I need no validity for my whereabouts or goals in life because i am content and satisfied with who I am and what I do, with or without m deployed spouse.
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SSG (Join to see)
Lol. There are some male Dependas out there, too. Not a one way street.
Hey, if I marry a service member as a retiree, does that make me a Dependa?? She's got to be a Major and above, though. Well, she can be a Capt., if she's really hot. :-)
Hey, if I marry a service member as a retiree, does that make me a Dependa?? She's got to be a Major and above, though. Well, she can be a Capt., if she's really hot. :-)
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Renee Steel
I'm a nurse. I admit that moving in our line of work is WAY easier than other professional careers. Just how many Senior or Junior VP positions are out there? Or principals of high school? Leaving those positions every few years are devastating to a career. Overlooking that is kinda short sighted and narrow minded. Not everyone is as lucky as your wife and I.
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CMDCM Gene Treants
One of the big advantages you have 1LT Sandy Annala is being a Vet and having a different view of marriage to a military member. Spouses who do not understand the military benefit greatly from a mentor spouse. Military members also need to understand that most spouses give up a lot to be with their loved one and learn from other military spouses whose marriage has survived a few deployments.
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This is always a touchey subject. I am military and so is my husband. I have only deployed once and he has deployed three times. I can honestly say that I found a whole new respect for wives/husbands of deployed military when my husband deployed last year and I was left home alone. It is a tough job and I would have rather been the one deployed. The biggest issue that comes up for me with spouses is when they think they wear their service member's rank or feel that they need to be saluted at the gate because their spouse is an officer. I know for me, I couldn't do my military job without the love and support of my husband and family and visa versa.
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