I Work With Dying Veterans. Here's Why I Don't Automatically Thank Them For Their Service.

I have never killed or tortured anyone, nor have I witnessed it - either friendly or enemy (or "collateral damage"). I suffered a not-insignificant moral injury when I was fired for reporting a war crime. But I have dealt with it and moved on. I have no PTSD. I have not been forced to do terrible things, nor have I witnessed terrible things. I read many MANY reports - some with photos - of terrible things. But that is as close as I have gotten to the "horrors of war" despite 4 combat deployments.

I am *not* the guy this article is talking about.

But I still do not particularly like to be thanked for my service, but for the opposite reason. The article discusses how many folks feel distanced and betrayed by the phrase. Thank you for *your* service. Thank you for what *you* did. *Your* acts of "service" that we demanded of *you*, *your* trauma, *your* soul. It's all on you, buddy. My only reapnsibility is a cheap platitude, because it was *your* service.

And I get it. I completely understand it, and from many folks' perspective, I can completely agree. I totally understand why they feel that way. I am GUESSING, but it is only a guess, that the main reason I don't feel that way is that I don't have the necessary trauma. Volunteerism as compared to being drafted may also play a small part, but it is likely small.

What I see and hear is the opposite. There is a scene in the movie American Hustle where Christian Bale brings home a new-fangled cooking machine, a "science oven" (microwave) for Jennifer Lawrence. He tells her about the rules (namely no metal). Jennifer Lawrence ignores him, doesn't read the manual, and blows it up. Christian Bale comes home to the thing literally on fire. Jennifer Lawrence goes on a long rant about how the science oven was going to kill them all, and it was a good thing she blew it up, ending with her saying "Thank God for me." This is what *I* often hear in "Thank you for your service." Not a distancing betrayal, but a claiming of sacrifice. (Not responsibility, mind you; sacrifice.). Thank you for your *service* - you servant. Yes you deployed to combat 4 times. But don't forget, I made it happen. Thank God for me. If I hadn't paid your salary, you wouldn't have been able to go, you servant. Thank God for me. If I hadn't elected a Congress and President who wanted to send you, you would have never gone, you servant. Thank God for me. If I hadn't paid my taxes in peacetime so you had a job when you weren't deployed, you would have never been around TO deploy, you servant. Thank God for me. You are a servant, and it is only because of me, and people like me that you even have the OPPORTUNITY to serve. Thank God for me.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't serve for thanks, awards, attaboys, or any of that stuff. And many times the thank yous ARE sincere. But more often, they are self-aggrandizing, and I walk away feeling a little bit dirty for being part of that transaction, however unwillingly.

I go days, weeks, even months without being thanked for my service. I miss absolutely nothing in those times. I can completely go on without ever being thanked for my service again. Ok, one more time: at my funeral when the render military honors. That's all I need or want. I never feel a LACK of being thanked for my service. But I do often feel worse for when I *am* thanked.

The difference, for me, at least, is sincerity. If you are going to thank me, MEAN IT. Not a platitude. Not some "token of appreciation," not some public stunt. A heartfelt, look-me-in-the-eye one-on-one thank you, AFTER learning what that service actually WAS. Otherwise, you are saying "Thank God for me," and you can use someone else to prop up your self-image, TYVM.

Just my take.

Nobody has given a shit since WW2 nor has any action we have been in after been justified to loose a single American life.

One man’s story. One man’s cross to bear. I am always “grateful” when someone “thanks” me, even if it feels like they’re not sure why they’re doing it. We all deal with things we did or saw differently but i bear no ill will towards those who didn’t make the same choice I did. If I made my choice so they could keep their head in the sand and pretend the things that happened didn’t, I guess I’ll remain okay with that. I took a far bigger issue with people who wanted “war stories” like they’re some sort of comic book fiction, or the counselor who has never put on boots and packed a rifle telling me “I understand”. Sorry Scooter, you don’t understand and you never will, but I will always reply to the thanks.