How do you reconcile the psychological burden of killing within the context of the Christian faith?

I'm not itching for a fight. I'm not looking for a fight. But, if it comes down to someone engaging me and wanting to take my life, it's a matter of kill or be killed. It's either they go home to their family or I go home to mine.

My concern as a Christian was never “how am I supposed to kill?” Because we are commanded to protect our nations and our families. The Bible is full of war. My question was, “when the time comes to kill or be killed, will I feel guilty or will I be glad? Will I love what I do too much? How do I continue to do my job without becoming the monster I intend to destroy?” And through prayer I got my answer. Don’t focus on killing the enemy, focus on protecting your unit, your country, your friends and your family and God will handle the rest.

There’s murder and just killing. Killing in self defense is justified. Killing as part of a military force is justified. Killing innocent life for profit or convenience is not justified. Killing for entertainment, profit, self gratification is not justified and may be psychotic.

I don’t have all the verses at hand, but the Bible does say God uses military forces to carry out his will and to keep order. The
first Gentile convert to Christianity was a Roman Army officer.