I find writing helps me so I'm just gonna share this stuff here because you folks are probably the only people I have access to that can relate.

Addictions?

They are a sweet taste of freedom from a pain that just wont seem to go away.

The moment that drink, smoke, pill (or whatever) hits your system, you find yourself in a brief moment of bliss and you're free the weight of the past, giving you an escape to the present.

Until....

It all comes crashing down.

As soon as that substance (or vice) has run its course, you're back down in the mud again trying to keep your head above water. Trying to stop yourself from drowning in a pain you can't name, but you can feel.

So what do you do?

Rather than facing the pain, (because you have no idea how), you simply chase another high to escape a standard feeling of low.

One more cigarette, one more drink, one more night out with a new pretty face, one more zero added to your bank account, one more shady phone call with a man you can't name in front of your friends....

All keep you in loop of constant escape from what it.

Why do we commonly revert to addictions?

Because its EASY.

Its a quick fix that doesn't require us to learn the skills we need to heal.

We don't even know how to feel and would rather charge a hail of gun fire than talk about our emotions we can't even put words to.

Every great high comes at the price of an even greater low when the party is over.

Don't forget the added interest charges that are tacked on in the form of ruined relationships, embarassing behaviors and the shame of the reality of our situation.

The easy pill to swallow brings us a good time and tricks us into feeling a way we don't actually feel, however the hard pill to swallow brings us to an unflattering truth.

No matter how far you run or where you try to hide, there is no escaping one's self.