How should I write an NCOER bullet comment for an NCO who did not meet body fat standards and refuses to be on a weight control program?

** Just reread your post ... you're doing two evaluations on him? There's some serious ball dropping going on with your unit's admin folks. However, the following would still apply to both evals.

The retirement evaluation is an optional one that frankly many raters/senior raters use to pad a profile unless it is needed post-retirement by the individual.

In other words, if the NCO retired two-years ago and hasn't been demanding to know the status of it, the impact will be likely be negligible so worrying about how your comments are going to be taken (are they too harsh? not harsh enough? etc.) really isn't an issue.

Some quick advice though:

• The lack of entry into the AWCP is a failure of the unit leadership, not the Soldier, so the lack of entry should not reflect on him or his evaluation.
• Stick to short factual statements regarding the HT/WT - "failed height and weight standards. No body composition measurements on file".
• If he did show by action or words that he had an attitude of "I don't care", then you can mention that "Failed height and weight standards due to lack of motivation" or a bit harsher of "Showed extreme lack of motivation as evidenced by failure to meet height and weight standards consistently"

SFC (Join to see) complete it truthfully... Congrats on your promotion.

SFC (Join to see), not that you need it, but a couple bits of advice on your way to 1SG:

1. Audit your ABCP Manager's files and make sure the counselings are done. Review everyone on the program to ensure they are in compliance and making progress. The comment for the NCOER is, "enrolled in the ABCP and making satisfactory progress (or some other descriptive adjective to denote the extent of progress)" or "enrolled in the ABCP and is not making satisfactory progress" or "enrolled in the ABCP and is not in compliance, [insert reason not in compliance]". That last one is for NCOs who refuse, or miss, their required monthly weigh ins. Remember, it is in the counseling that it is the NCO's responsibility to coordinate their weigh in, not the ABCP manager.
2. Build a culture where you track counseling, not just completed reports. Have every NCO make you a delegate for all functions (rater, senior rater). Look into EES and check support forms, if there isn't one at the start of the rated period, you are your HR can initiate one and put the DODID for the rating chain. This will ensure they get an email about it.
3. Publish the rating scheme and have the Commander sign it monthly. Add it to your bistro to your NCOs. Include who's semi annual counseling's are due that month.
4. Every NCODP you conduct repeat the following: Support forms to be completed by the rated NCO 30 days before the THRU date, Rater and Senior Rater completes their portion of the the annual report 14 days before the THRU date, Senior Rater ensures NCO signs and then submits on the THRU date.