It’s been hell from the day my best friend took his life just trying to keep myself together. If my mom hadn’t been by my side the whole time, I’m not sure where I’d be. May 21st, just a few months later, she had a heart attack. Her heart stopped twice, but they got her back. She’s fought hard to have the life she has and has given myself along with the rest of the family. She can’t seem to get a good answer from any doctor visit, yet she pushes through. She said she doesn’t remember much from the night she died but me standing over her holding her hand saying, “Bitch, we aren’t doing this right now. Do you understand? So you better get your shit together because I can’t lose you too.” I feel like most of the year has been spent putting out small fires just to make sure people are happy around her. My health isn’t doing great anymore and I don’t have the gall to tell her because it’ll break her. For everyone in the world, it’s been a year. I have a tough outer coating, but listen to the song. Sometimes you can’t do much else for people right now but lift them up when they’ve lifted you, and say thank you. I can never repay her for anything she’s done; the Christmas’ she’s gone without for us, the meals, the hours of work. But I realize as an adult she’s my best friend. Lift her up and thank her. And thank everyone around me for the small things that people take their time to do for me. Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, Happy Festivus, and check in on the people you usually say “shoot I should text them”. Because they need it.