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Not the Babylon Bee...
If you wrestle a bear in Missouri, the consequences could be even worse than getting mauled half-to-death a la Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant. That's right, scuffle with a bear in the Show-Me State and you could be grappling with a misdemeanor.
The Salem Police Department on the edge of the Mark Twain National Forest reminded everyone of that actual state law on the books yesterday when a Salem resident spotted a black bear near Rolla Road on the northern edge of town.
Not only is wrestling a bear that can weigh as much as 660 pounds a bad idea on its own merits, it's also expressly forbidden by law. In fact, you'll be breaking Missouri's bear wrestling law if you do any of the following: wrestle a bear; permit bear wrestling on premises under your control; promote, conduct, or stage bear wrestling; advertise bear wrestling; collect admissions for bear wrestling; purchase, sell or possess a bear which you know will be used for bear wrestling; train a bear for bear wrestling; subject a bear to surgical alteration for bear wrestling.