How to Regulate Your Emotions Without Suppressing Them

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a key predictor of mental health. Our EQ refers to our ability to be aware of, regulate, and express our emotions and to understand, and respond skillfully, to the emotions of others. Regulating emotions, especially big, difficult emotions, takes care and practice. EQ is not something that everyone naturally has, but it can be learned and nourished with research-backed strategies, many of which include an element of mindfulness.
But a word of caution: Not all emotional regulation strategies are created equal.

Emotion suppression, for example, consists of “inhibiting the outward signs of your inner feelings.” Professionals in high-stress jobs (doctors, police, military) are often taught that emotional suppression is an effective strategy for emotional regulation, in spite of plentiful research suggesting otherwise. Studies have shown that suppressing emotions actually endangers your health and well-being, both physically and psychologically. Emotional suppression (having a stiff upper lip or “sucking it up”) might decrease outward expressions of emotion but not the inner emotional experience. In other words, suppression doesn’t make the emotion go away, it just stays inside you causing more pain.