“We had a real breakthrough, me and ol’ Putin,” said Biden triumphantly. “I stared him down and said, ‘Look pal, here’s the deal: You get whatever you want, but my son WILL get a cushy job over on the Russian pipeline.’”
“Well, suffice to say my son is now employed again and the board of Nord Stream 2 will get my son’s expertise! Putin caved to my demands all in exchange for access to our nation’s secrets, surveillance, and some sanctions against America,” announced Biden as he was met with thunderous applause from all journalists present. “I took em’ to the cleaners and didn’t hold back.”