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Posted 7 y ago
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To celebrate our 100th upload to YouTube Master Ken demonstrates (approximately) 100 ways to destroy your opponents groin. Learn more at: https://www.enterth...
When he jumped up on the counter and was smacking his nuts, I was waiting for her to do this....but she didn't
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyXhysmMNhE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyXhysmMNhE
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MY LIFE
This commercial is impetus for ruminations about my life. I traveled from the Philippines across the Pacific Ocean on a raft with a tiger to find my fortunes. I landed in California and accidently joined an awkward parade but that is another story. Two years later I am working in an Italian deli in San Antonio, Texas and had a revelation that my life generally sucked as I was just paying bills and nothing more. 21 straight days of eating PBJ sandwiches will make anyone question their self worth and spirituality.
Like a great Spanish Conquistador, I planted my flag down in the middle of the apartment and proclaimed I will conduct personal imperialism against society. That I was in control of my destiny, that I had the power to make society conform to my wishes. Four years later I reached my objective of attaining a college degree. I was quite satisfied and enamored with the new bling in my life, until I noticed the only jobs offered to me upon graduation were accounting positions. I concluded I would rather accept death than to be a bean counter. Who in their right mind will tare up a corporate income statement to find an errant penny? Hell no, that was not me.
The army appealed to me. I could be bossy, have cool toys, and show off my uniform for girls on the internet. What is more ridiculous is I would get paid for such luxuries. I flew in black helicopters and rode tanks. I was often heckled by the infantry, but I always got the last laugh as I showed them how big my gun was. I think this kind of pissed them off. The M1 is 70 ton monster with a jet engine, who wouldn't show off? Yeah at the onset of my career I had a self inflated measure of self importance of being a badass.
As I got older, I decided to marry a girl for free sex. Isn't life grand? I was this badass army dude getting all the free sex he wanted. In the grand scheme of the universe, this really matters. It is the pinnacle of existence and life. However, I did not make a connection that free sex leads to babies. Well you know the story. Kids suck all your life, intelligence, and money out of you. My wife and I raised 6 kids in totality. The last kid moved out last week. I have 1500 square of free space downstairs. I tried to convince her to rent out the space to a couple hot lesbians to no avail. That is another story in itself.
How is my life now? My wife gets all of my retirement moneys and gives me $100 per month in allowance. I like to crank up some Dido music on my home stereo system. I think I might be the only man to ever get a citation for playing Dido to loud. My wife complains my music is too loud, so I put on my headphones which irritates her because she can't talk to me. I go to the VA monthly because they think I am crazy. Me, I just think I am a cat in a dogs' world. I indulge in angry blogging on Rallypoint. I am trying to find a new purpose in life. Military history is fascinating. Why were the Mongols successful in winter raids in Russia? What are the new Revolutions in Military Affairs? I do work out in an attempt to remain semi sexy, but I lament that running generally sucks. I enjoy small victories like I am the boss of the thermostat. I can bend the will of my parrots. In the finality of the moment, after 25 years, I have learned there is no such concept called free sex.
This commercial is impetus for ruminations about my life. I traveled from the Philippines across the Pacific Ocean on a raft with a tiger to find my fortunes. I landed in California and accidently joined an awkward parade but that is another story. Two years later I am working in an Italian deli in San Antonio, Texas and had a revelation that my life generally sucked as I was just paying bills and nothing more. 21 straight days of eating PBJ sandwiches will make anyone question their self worth and spirituality.
Like a great Spanish Conquistador, I planted my flag down in the middle of the apartment and proclaimed I will conduct personal imperialism against society. That I was in control of my destiny, that I had the power to make society conform to my wishes. Four years later I reached my objective of attaining a college degree. I was quite satisfied and enamored with the new bling in my life, until I noticed the only jobs offered to me upon graduation were accounting positions. I concluded I would rather accept death than to be a bean counter. Who in their right mind will tare up a corporate income statement to find an errant penny? Hell no, that was not me.
The army appealed to me. I could be bossy, have cool toys, and show off my uniform for girls on the internet. What is more ridiculous is I would get paid for such luxuries. I flew in black helicopters and rode tanks. I was often heckled by the infantry, but I always got the last laugh as I showed them how big my gun was. I think this kind of pissed them off. The M1 is 70 ton monster with a jet engine, who wouldn't show off? Yeah at the onset of my career I had a self inflated measure of self importance of being a badass.
As I got older, I decided to marry a girl for free sex. Isn't life grand? I was this badass army dude getting all the free sex he wanted. In the grand scheme of the universe, this really matters. It is the pinnacle of existence and life. However, I did not make a connection that free sex leads to babies. Well you know the story. Kids suck all your life, intelligence, and money out of you. My wife and I raised 6 kids in totality. The last kid moved out last week. I have 1500 square of free space downstairs. I tried to convince her to rent out the space to a couple hot lesbians to no avail. That is another story in itself.
How is my life now? My wife gets all of my retirement moneys and gives me $100 per month in allowance. I like to crank up some Dido music on my home stereo system. I think I might be the only man to ever get a citation for playing Dido to loud. My wife complains my music is too loud, so I put on my headphones which irritates her because she can't talk to me. I go to the VA monthly because they think I am crazy. Me, I just think I am a cat in a dogs' world. I indulge in angry blogging on Rallypoint. I am trying to find a new purpose in life. Military history is fascinating. Why were the Mongols successful in winter raids in Russia? What are the new Revolutions in Military Affairs? I do work out in an attempt to remain semi sexy, but I lament that running generally sucks. I enjoy small victories like I am the boss of the thermostat. I can bend the will of my parrots. In the finality of the moment, after 25 years, I have learned there is no such concept called free sex.
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SN Greg Wright
Hahah omg Major, I was nearly in tears, laughing so hard by time I got through it. Well played, well played.
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