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RP Members and Connections great advice from our very own SSG Eric Burleson here on RallyPoint.
SSG Burleson writes: "There's this tendency among servicemembers to do whatever they can to suppress their emotions. We learn to be stoic and stone-cold, rarely, if ever, allowing our true emotions to be displayed.
In the military, and especially in combat, it can seem like there's no room for emotions, unless that emotion is happiness for success or rage at the enemy.
But if you don't learn to process your emotions healthily, you are much more likely to exhibit toxic and destructive behavior. There are tons of health risks to not dealing with your baggage.
But there are also major benefits to learning how to deal with these painful emotions. Ultimately, they lead to major growth as a person."
SSG Burleson writes: "There's this tendency among servicemembers to do whatever they can to suppress their emotions. We learn to be stoic and stone-cold, rarely, if ever, allowing our true emotions to be displayed.
In the military, and especially in combat, it can seem like there's no room for emotions, unless that emotion is happiness for success or rage at the enemy.
But if you don't learn to process your emotions healthily, you are much more likely to exhibit toxic and destructive behavior. There are tons of health risks to not dealing with your baggage.
But there are also major benefits to learning how to deal with these painful emotions. Ultimately, they lead to major growth as a person."
Why We Veterans Must Learn How to Grieve
Posted from separatingfromservice.com
Health
Combat
Experience
Depression
Trauma
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 27
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Though I think this is well written article with many good points, not everyone is 'emotional'. There seems to be a thing now about how everyone needs to be in touch with their inner feelings and such. But not everyone is brought up that way, call it old-school, called emotionless, whatever but some people just aren't outwardly emotional. My parents were of the depression-era/WWII era and they weren't that emotional, and thus I was raised to be how I am. Now add on top of that any military desensitisation, my age, the fact that life has kicked me in the head, and then war and death... this is who I am. Not everyone is emotional... nor do they need to be.
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SSG Eric Burleson
I agree that people need to find a way to deal with the past and move on. That's exactly why I wrote the post. Emotions are an experience common to the human condition. We do a disservice telling people to just "get over it" without giving them a real understanding of what that means.
I don't advocate dwelling in the past. I advocate actively experiencing your emotions as they arise, processing them, and moving on. Sometimes that requires examining the past to understand why your emotions are not aligned with what's actually happening in the present. Sometimes it doesn't. Either way, simply refusing to have emotions or experience them isn't really an option.
Thanks everyone for your comments!
I don't advocate dwelling in the past. I advocate actively experiencing your emotions as they arise, processing them, and moving on. Sometimes that requires examining the past to understand why your emotions are not aligned with what's actually happening in the present. Sometimes it doesn't. Either way, simply refusing to have emotions or experience them isn't really an option.
Thanks everyone for your comments!
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SSG Pete Fleming
SSG Eric Burleson - I support your opinion but not everyone is wired that way. We all have our own way to deal. Some play on Social Media, others work on music or art, others exercise, unfortunately some drink... but my point is not everyone deals the same way to the same or similar events.
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SSG Eric Burleson
SSG Pete Fleming - I don't see how what you are saying is at odds with the article. Everybody has emotions; that's part of the human condition. Not having emotions can be a serious defect to relating with the people and functioning healthily. The idea that one does not have emotions is generally a mask suggesting that they aren't aware of the emotions they are having.
A couple of the examples you give, playing on social media and drinking, are not ways of dealing with emotions. They are ways of AVOIDING dealing with emotions. I agree that not everyone deals with emotions the same way or has the same reactions to similar events, either in magnitude or expression. But I definitely reaffirm that one has to learn how to experience the emotion fully in order to learn to tolerate it.
For clarity, what do you mean when you say "not everyone is wired that way"? Do you mean that some people do not have emotions? While that may be true, it's not normal or healthy. How could they relate to other people without emotions? How could you tell the difference between a physical threat and a beloved family member? Our emotions give us valuable information about the world around us, and shutting them down can be totally detrimental.
A couple of the examples you give, playing on social media and drinking, are not ways of dealing with emotions. They are ways of AVOIDING dealing with emotions. I agree that not everyone deals with emotions the same way or has the same reactions to similar events, either in magnitude or expression. But I definitely reaffirm that one has to learn how to experience the emotion fully in order to learn to tolerate it.
For clarity, what do you mean when you say "not everyone is wired that way"? Do you mean that some people do not have emotions? While that may be true, it's not normal or healthy. How could they relate to other people without emotions? How could you tell the difference between a physical threat and a beloved family member? Our emotions give us valuable information about the world around us, and shutting them down can be totally detrimental.
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I found this very stimulating. It seems we do not grieve enough. We are taught as boys don't cry and that is a heavy burden to hold up to. When a veteran cries, he must somehow be broken. Actually, he may have reached a level of self awareness others never begin to feel. He may have gotten in touch with his feelings, and that can never be a bad thing
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Sir this is one thing, we can all talk about, but we cannot "teach" the other on. Since we're all individuals, the way grieving is done makes it almost impossible to give them a "correct" way to handle it. Best we can do it be there, open and honest for our sisters and brothers. Guide them through while making sure they believe they're guiding themselves through.....By. With, and Through.
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