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RP Members how about some humor this morning! ENJOY!
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
Posted from michaelyon-online.com
Humor
England
Fun
Election 2016
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 18
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My humorous response:
Your Majesty,
The humble former subjects of your American colonies have received your message and respond respectfully as follows:
1. We politely refuse your offer to resume management of the thirteen original colonies. We further remind you that any claim to the remaining thirty-five contiguous states should be referred to the French and Spanish governments. We like Alaska, and don't think Mr. Putin will let you have it anyway. You may have Hawaii...nothing much good has come out of there since Magnum P.I.
2. We cordially invite you to reconsider your position on the English language. Like cars, airplanes, and just about everything else...we've merely improved upon the efficiency of operation. Besides-"truck" sounds much better than "lorry"; sorry.
3. We will graciously accept your offer to match any professional Rugby league in your nation against any professional football team of ours. We will supply the pads if you like-The lads on our defensive line likely outweigh yours by fifty pounds (yes, we apologize, but we still can't convert to kilos).
4. We are currently preparing a sampling of some of our more notable cuisine for your pleasure. We think you'll approve of Memphis bar-b-q, banana pudding and the "Chi-Dog". If not, we believe the Irish can offer a more qualified opinion on potatoes.
5. Speaking of the Irish (and the Scottish)-If it has become too expensive and tiresome managing these outlying portions of your "united" kingdom, we would be more than happy to relieve you of the burden by making them states. Erin go Bragh!
6. As regards firearms-We are not certain what a "grouse" is. Is it at all similar to the invasive species currently plaguing your capital city? If so, we already hunt those, but we call them "terrorists".
7. Regarding monies owed in taxation-We understand the burden of managing a nation very well, and believe you are correct. Please remit the balance we owe against the cost of defending you from invasion not once, but twice (and oh yes, that whole "Cold War" bit). We will accept the remaining balance owed in the form of gold certificates...that is, if you still have the one's Nicholas II left behind.
8. Finally, we do concede that in the spirit of the long-standing partnership between our nations, and the shared historic, ethnic and cultural ties that bind us...it is high time for some unilateral cooperation on the political stage. Please send over Prince Harry, as we'd like to run him for President...Our first fought alongside his troops too, and it has been a long time since we had a leader who did the same. P.S.-we'll send over the entire selection of current candidates in exchange if you like. They have all the proper qualifications for being part of a closed, elitist, relatively useless ruling class.
Once again, please accept our humblest and sincere respects,
Your former not-so-loyal subjects and continued friends,
The United States of America
Your Majesty,
The humble former subjects of your American colonies have received your message and respond respectfully as follows:
1. We politely refuse your offer to resume management of the thirteen original colonies. We further remind you that any claim to the remaining thirty-five contiguous states should be referred to the French and Spanish governments. We like Alaska, and don't think Mr. Putin will let you have it anyway. You may have Hawaii...nothing much good has come out of there since Magnum P.I.
2. We cordially invite you to reconsider your position on the English language. Like cars, airplanes, and just about everything else...we've merely improved upon the efficiency of operation. Besides-"truck" sounds much better than "lorry"; sorry.
3. We will graciously accept your offer to match any professional Rugby league in your nation against any professional football team of ours. We will supply the pads if you like-The lads on our defensive line likely outweigh yours by fifty pounds (yes, we apologize, but we still can't convert to kilos).
4. We are currently preparing a sampling of some of our more notable cuisine for your pleasure. We think you'll approve of Memphis bar-b-q, banana pudding and the "Chi-Dog". If not, we believe the Irish can offer a more qualified opinion on potatoes.
5. Speaking of the Irish (and the Scottish)-If it has become too expensive and tiresome managing these outlying portions of your "united" kingdom, we would be more than happy to relieve you of the burden by making them states. Erin go Bragh!
6. As regards firearms-We are not certain what a "grouse" is. Is it at all similar to the invasive species currently plaguing your capital city? If so, we already hunt those, but we call them "terrorists".
7. Regarding monies owed in taxation-We understand the burden of managing a nation very well, and believe you are correct. Please remit the balance we owe against the cost of defending you from invasion not once, but twice (and oh yes, that whole "Cold War" bit). We will accept the remaining balance owed in the form of gold certificates...that is, if you still have the one's Nicholas II left behind.
8. Finally, we do concede that in the spirit of the long-standing partnership between our nations, and the shared historic, ethnic and cultural ties that bind us...it is high time for some unilateral cooperation on the political stage. Please send over Prince Harry, as we'd like to run him for President...Our first fought alongside his troops too, and it has been a long time since we had a leader who did the same. P.S.-we'll send over the entire selection of current candidates in exchange if you like. They have all the proper qualifications for being part of a closed, elitist, relatively useless ruling class.
Once again, please accept our humblest and sincere respects,
Your former not-so-loyal subjects and continued friends,
The United States of America
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LCDR (Join to see)
...and according to other statistics, Alabama beat Connecticut on the SAT. Numbers only show us snapshots. In the end, I don't want to make a humorous discussion (we sorely need more levity on RP in my opinion) into a serious one...but it is rather sweeping statement to say (outside of satire) that there are certain states that are not "up to standards" in terms of intelligence or loyalty. Even after my "creative" response here, the truth is that Queen Elizabeth II is one of the most admirable persons of our century and someone I'd personally count it a great honor to meet-I just love my country and don't stand for any assertions, humorous or otherwise, that "we" have anything to be ashamed of. That feeling is somewhat stronger where it concerns the states and regions my family has called home for more than two centuries...and strongest when it concerns my faith (I think we can agree not to go "there" today). I always enjoy sharing opinions with you and look forward to future intellectual debate-but for now, I'm just eager to get on with the weekend and enjoying our balmy, Southern spring :)
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SSG (Join to see)
LCDR (Join to see) - The issues in those states are legion... I attended 5th & 6th Grade in rural Louisiana, 7th & 8th in New Orleans, 9th in a small Mississippi city, 10th and 11th in rural Mississippi and 12th on the Mississippi gulf coast. First there is the culture, which isn't exactly pro-science or pro-education. None of my college childhood friends (who weren't Army or Air Force brats) made it to college, none of them ever really understood the value. The only time most of them can afford to get medical care is when their unemployed, however they all hate Obamacare and are glad the governor rejected the medicaid expansion which would have allowed them to work and still see a doctor. People that ignorant need a queen. Second, there is a shortage of funding available and an unwillingness to make sacrifices for education. Third there is a general lack (with a few notable exceptions) of economic opportunity for people who do manage to obtain a good education. One in 5 never obtains a High School diploma and only 1 in 5 ever gets a Bachelors degree. Compare that to red states like Wyoming or Minnesota or to blue states like Vermont or New Hampshire where 3 times as many students obtain college degree as don't graduate High School. It's not really a Red State vs. Blue State thing.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._states_by_educational_attainment
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._states_by_educational_attainment
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Jennifer Lee (Doerflinger) Hill
SSG (Join to see) NO. Although Florida might go & tornado alley. Houston needs civil engineers who know what they're doing (NOT the Army Corps of Engineers) in order to divert streams, etc, & make it less likely to need a party barge to get to one's front door...
If we're to get royalty, I'd prefer Charles I, if no one minds.
If we're to get royalty, I'd prefer Charles I, if no one minds.
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COL Mikel J. Burroughs LOL...who knows, we might just be better off with the Queen taking over....better her than Hilary.
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