The Power of Validation: How to Support the Supporters

I am caregiver to my child with autism, my husband with service-connected disabilities, my veteran father, and my veteran grandfather. However, I had been a caregiver for over a decade before I realized I was one. When I discussed these roles, I had always said “I am just being a mom”, “I am just being a wife”, “…a daughter”, “…a granddaughter.” But we, as caregivers are certainly not “just” anything. We are all wearing multiple hats, juggling multiple roles, triaging crisis after crisis – all while putting ourselves, our goals, dreams, careers, needs at the bottom of the list.

Prior to realizing I was a caregiver I had taken on the “let’s just get through the day” approach to life. I had to break the monumental task of caregiving into digestible, bite-sized pieces. The problem is that I was rushing each day; racing my exhaustion and burnout to bed every single night; loving sleeping at night because it was the only “rest” I was allowing myself (but also suffering from insomnia due to stress and anxiety). I wasn’t living. I wasn’t thriving. I was just (barely) getting by.

At some point during my husband’s healing journey, he shared that the most impactful part was hearing that he was not alone. In the sea of medications, doctors, therapies, surgeries, and endless referrals…validation was the most powerful tool. I was so happy for him; but at some point, I realized I was actually jealous. Here he was with all these supports, and here I was without – I was the support. I wasn’t allowed to fall apart because I was holding everyone else up; but what was holding ME up?

Inspired by my husband, I found peer-led support groups and began connecting with other military-affiliated caregivers. I immediately felt seen, and I began to heal. I learned how to practice self-care. I became inspired to set goals for myself to reach my own dreams. I enrolled back in college after having to give it up. Subsequently, my family saw this new behavior I was modeling and began practicing it and thriving as well. After I had experienced, first-hand, the power of support, I knew I wanted to reach every caregiver I knew; I didn’t want a single person feeling as alone as I did. That is how I found and became a volunteer for the Military and Veteran Caregiver Network (MVCN).

The MVCN is a place of support. In this caregiver-led community I can find my own support from my peers, while supporting others in their own caregiving journey. It is my hope, through transparency of my own personal experiences, to help others feel “seen” and to provide that validation that helped my husband and myself so much.

The MVCN is a safe and secure online community to share and connect. The online format is able to reach a much broader range of caregivers that may not be able to participate in traditional peer-support groups. What I love most about the MVCN is the ease of access and that the level of participation and engagement is purely self-determined. Unlike other supports, members of the MVCN can participate as much, or as little as they would like; you can visit and engage all day, every day, or you can just log-in when you’re in need. Regardless, you can sign-up for weekly emails that summarize the resources that were discussed so you don’t miss out (because we know how busy you are). The MVCN truly works for all types of caregivers and a wide variety of needs.

Signing up for the Military and Veteran Caregiver Network is easy and starts with your name and email: https://rly.pt/CaregiverApplication

Once your military affiliation has been verified, you will receive a link to login to the secure, custom, caregiver only online community.