Posted on Mar 15, 2015
CPT Clinical Psychology
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SGM LaMar Stellfox
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I heard a word that is probably more appropriate; manage. I manage PTSD through the regular practice of hatha yoga, relaxation, and meditation. It changed my life. I still get very emotional when seeing graphic triggers in movies or reading stories of other veterans and still have issues either trying to get to sleep or stay asleep. But I suggest to anyone to give yoga a try. Not the "high speed" hybrid fitness stuff, but real asanas and pranayama. It helps to get some quality instruction in meditation. Five/six years on I still don't quite have the patience for a lot of long meditation. But I continue to work at it in the hopes of finding the union of the eight limbs of yoga. Namaste
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LTC Donell Kelly
LTC Donell Kelly
>1 y
You're absolutely correct, you "manage" your PTSD. Until you become familiar with your triggers and capable of helping to deflect your thoughts through meditation, or exercise, it's easy to be triggered. I'm better than I was, but still not "fixed." Unfortunately, I don't believe you get "fixed" from PTSD. My Vietnam vet friends still have many sequelae. I'm 8 years home from deployment & it's better, but have a ways to go. We'll get to "manage" it the rest of our lives.
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CPT Clinical Psychology
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Thank you to everyone for contributing your trails and tribulations. Believe it or not, with every response you are healing one another heal.
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SGT Michael Bell
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Lots of VA classes, avoidance of the public and loud unexpected noises. In a weird sort of way, I have been fortunate to not find many civilian jobs since I got out. I've been working diligently with the VA's PRRC (Psycho Social Rehab) to regain my "people skills",
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CPT Clinical Psychology
CPT (Join to see)
>1 y
And through the use of RP and your comments, you're inching closer
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SGT Michael Bell
SGT Michael Bell
>1 y
Thanks! I've held my current job a little over a month. Quite often, it's a day to day battle. The toughest enemy I've ever had to fight has been me.
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SSG Human Resources Specialist
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So each time I open my RP feed, CPT (Join to see)'s question pops up. I, being a nerd understand when someone adds to the topic it bumps up due to recent activity. So is it a sign I'm supposed to make a comment?

Well I will answer in numbered format how how I went down that road:

1. Listened to Creed's words "I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking maybe six feet. Ain't so far down"
2. Two syringes of a concoction I found on the internet, you can find anything on the internet
3. Listening to the 2 voices in my head as it went into a tail spin, dark & light, arguing if I am staying or going. The spirit of my grandmother came through.
4. Trip to the ER to get checked out
5. Gallon bag full of psychotropic drugs
6. Therapy with some psychologist types who dispense advice and drugs form behind a desk and never really experienced life because they sat behind the desk
7. Got tired of feeling like a zombie and the IDGAF attitude toward everything.
8. Got off the drugs looking for different alternatives
9. Started 'DJ'ing' for my own enjoyment, nothing public, for me only and my sanity. Forced myself to read and enjoy it and I do really enjoy reading, it allows me to escape and find calm.
10. Had a couple of outpatient surgeries dealing with a health issue
11. Going back to a mental doc, let them know I am still alive and not to touch my 2nd Amendment rights
12. Making a promise to great each sunset and sunrise

And I'll leave it at that....
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CPT Clinical Psychology
CPT (Join to see)
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Thank you for your contribution sir
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SPC Mike Losser
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I worked 900 hrs of overtime a year and just never slept. Had a bad call and it all came back like a rock to the head. Almost strangled my son in law for getting violent with my daughter. I just wait for the right person to say something ignorant so I feel justified in how I react.
Funny how the military sends troops all over the world to do "things" and nobody knows. That little security clearance paper keeps you from letting it all out, but sometimes I just want to scream. Seems to be no escape. I read all the posts and feel your pain. I wish the magic pills helped without taking so much away.
I wish I could just go back because you knew what to expect. I am even considering joining the YPG fight just to see if it will help to fight for something I really believe needs to stop.

I wish you all the best.
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PV2 Violet Case
PV2 Violet Case
>1 y
When I first read your response awhile back I did not know what to say. Other then I am so sorry you have to hold things inside. IN my case I just let it out anyways. Im not in the military anymore and will not keep inside that people are sick and dying from Fort McClellan. Actually our people are dying off all around us if you really look at life from a distance. Those who are not passed on already, have been taking their own lives, lives of others and so on at a very high rate. EVen with the youth. But I had a time my skeleton came out of the closet and it scares some people who do not know me, if I get a look and a firmness in my voice that says business. But once my PTSD had acted up before I was calling the VA support line and they said to my friend to call 911 the policeman said he was not supposed to get involved unless I hurt or killed someone. I said you have to be kidding me you and I both made an oath to protect people you are telling me to hurt them before you will help, you are fd up buddy. My language is not good either when my PTSD comes out acts sortof like torretts syndrome forgive spelling that word.I did go to Fargo VA with friend that day. But it was to drawn out to tell the whole story why they found I had reason to feel the way I did and that I had control of the situation because I did not hurt anyone and sought help on my own. But my heart goes out it is hard some days to keep control. I no your secrets are security. But what if you get a paper and pencil. Do not write hard enough in the paper to where any one could do the scratch to read after page tore out. just write softly to get it out of your head. Then burn it that very day. Is that a possibility to help get it out?
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SGT Graduate Student
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Edited >1 y ago
I have always been skeptical of drugs (medication) but I felt like a hypocrite when I gave into taking Trazadone to help me sleep and ease my tension/depression. Of course (just as I predicted), more drugs were suggested. I took it upon myself to stop taking Trazadone, I choose to drink Thyme Tea on the regular and took on bodybuilding.

I heard in church once, a preacher said "what the devil meant for my bad, God turned it around for my good". I still struggle to go to sleep every once in a while (but not like before) but the icing on the cake is writing (academic). Writing has been so therapeutic to me and I don't know what I would do if I was not focused on a full time Master's degree. I noticed my condition worsened during the gap between the BA and MA. I rather be at home studying my a$$ off then to be around people sometimes. I'm perfectly OK with that for now. I will continue to a Doctorate if I have to to deal with this.

I still hate dining out (or crowded places) unless I am drinking BUT drinking turned out to be a trap after my first deployment so I do my best avoid it completely. I used to party like a rockstar; if not better than them but none of those nights were worth spending time with my wife and children. I hope I helped someone reading this. I'm not perfect but I know that whatever seems bad for now can ALWAYS be turned around for good.
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Amn Michael McClung
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Edited >1 y ago
I'm not a fan of talking about this, but hopefully my unique experience will provide an interesting perspective.

I never went to combat. Ever. And I have never claimed to. However, I grew up in a very unpredictable, extremely violent childhood, and as time has dragged on, I have noticed certain symptoms of trauma have manifested. I've woken up shouting, kicking and screaming, I've woken up punching my wall, I feel my chest tense up when I hear someone coming up the stairs. I once had to drop everything I was doing because I heard a child screaming and throwing a tantrum in the museum I was working at, and it bugged me out so bad I had to leave the room and sit in the bathroom for about an hour.

Now, fortunately for me, these things have gotten significantly better. Think of it like a broken leg: If you walk on it, it gets worse. Similarly, if you drink, do drugs, beat your wife, it will get worse. With trauma, the best thing, as odd as it may sound, is to build up a tolerance to the things that cause you to wig out, so get the help you need, talk to your spouse, talk to your friends, remember you survived the events, you will survive the recovery.
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CPT Adjutant/Hhd Commander/S 3 Ops Officer
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After returning from Afghanistan in January 2014, I knew I wasn't "quite right" in my head. I would have very bad mood swings and fly off the deep end rather easily. By March, my company XO approaced the chaplin saying that he should talk to me. I talked to him, and it helped somewhat. After my 10 year old daughter yelled at her mom, I flipped out and got in her face yelling. It scared my wife and she got between the two of us to separate. I knew at that point i needed to get some help. I didn't want to risk my career, so I went off-line to see one of the therapists. I was at the end of my second year of Company Command and set to PCS and was worried about it affecting that, But I went anyway. Well, it did. I was originally given a Recruiting Command Position for Honolulu, Hawaii, but later lost it because they said I was not qualified per the psychiatrist. I was started on a low dose of SERTRALINE...100mg. I did find it helped me greatly. I ended up with a great PCS assignment to Germany. Before I left, I was told my prescription would carry over in Germany and not to worry. Well, I ran out during my inprocessing time and all hell went lose in my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about the explosion that split my spleen in three pieces and liver in half. That caused my to have my spleen removed, get defibrilated at one point, have tubes in every oriface of my body, and even get a chest tube due to having a collapsed lung. When a mortar went off over my head in Afghanistan, something just clicked in my head. I stopped putting on or wearing my gear, even with the frequent IDF. It's not that I wanted to die or anything, I just didn't really care. It didn't even scare me. I became very numb to it all. So I get to Germany and everything started flooding my head. My current PCS, being without my kids because I was going trough a divorce, nothing but debt left from my ex, etc. I tried to get my prescription refilled, but was told it wouldn't be honored. I couldn't get a appointment and was told to go to the ER. I wasn't about to do that being I just got to my new duty station. I developed a plan to go sit on a bench in my yard that oversee's my village, watch one last beautiful sunset, look at the photos of my kids, then right as the sun drops below the hills I would cut both my wrists with my 101st PCS knife and then shove it into my heart (kinda like the samauri's fell on their swords). A fellow LT noticed some of my strange behavior while doing the Germany 10 day integration training and told me to come to the hospital that she had arranged to have my meds refilled. Well, she did but also had me talk to a chaplin. Chaplin didn't help, but getting the meds from the psych unit did...after a few days anyway. They did a initial counseling/thearpy session then said I should start seeing them once a week. They had me see a therapist once a week and a Psych Nurse Practitioner once a week also. They also started me on Prazosin 5mg and some as needed anxiety med...something also used for itching. That all together seemed to work. My suicidal thoughts went away after a few sessions. I now see the Psych NP about once a month and still take my medication. I also now have a CPAP for sleep apnea and that helps some. Lifting weights and listening to classical music has helped me a lot. Listening to classical music seemed to be the only thing that helped me early on before my medications kicked in. I struggle with a lot of things from my past. My explosion, seeing a friend put a gun to his head and taking his life, performing CPR on two other friends without saving them, etc. Now, I just manage. My PCM says I need to get off the meds. But i don't see that happening. I was three days without them recently and all the thoughts and severe depressive feelings flooded back. Having my kids for the spring here in Germany has helped me get through the rough patches, but not sure if I'll ever truely be "right" in my head again.
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CDR Michael Goldschmidt
CDR Michael Goldschmidt
>1 y
When that something kicked off in your brain, CPT, that was the PTSD event. Your brain chemistry changed forever. It happens to all of us, but not always so suddenly. Best wishes in your recovery. Unfortunately, none of us will ever be the same. You can't unring a bell.
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MSgt Bill Rentz
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I am a huge proponent of Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT) to treat PTS. It helped me tremendously when I had gone as far as therapy and meds would take me. Although the exact science behind how HBOT works is still being researched the results speak for themselves. However it is next to impossible to get the services or VA to send you to HBOT. You usually have to pay for it out of pocket or get help with funds. However, in Oklahoma we now have the non-profit Patriot Clinic in OKC that can treat some vets for free. (Just google them.) Vets that don't qualify for the free treatment will still be treated. I have never seen them turn anyone away just because of money. I have even seen them pay for a hotel room and meals while the vet is in town for treatments. Many other HBOT clinics around the country are doing similar programs for vets. You have nothing to lose by trying it. I have been so inspired I will be opening an HBOT clinic this summer to treat PTS, TBI, and non-healing wounds in vets.
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SrA Albert Ayd
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Not sure but friends I have talked to have told me that I need to talk to the VA about possibly having PTSD because my lack of concern for my mortality.
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