Has anyone on here ever lost a young child? I lost my 12 year old daughter to cancer. How did you deal with it?

My sincere condolences for your loss. I have gone through it twice; my daughter as a young adult, then, five years later, her son who was living with me.
The pain never goes away for either, but it does change.
I have come to realize my grandson's death was the most devastating as he was on the cusp of realizing what he could be and saw the path he was going to take. His dreams that we shared were wiped out with his death.
The only relief I had was both were sudden and I did not have the pain of going through watching them slip away as you did with your daughter.
There is no response I could make that will relieve your pain. Your memories of her will be with you forever and all your dreams of her future died with her. You will always wonder what would have been.
How you handle it is as personal as your relationship with her. I found my will to go on by the realization that I am a facilitator for the dreams and aspirations of my other children and my wife, who were an important part of both of my deceased children's' lives and dreams. To abandon my other children or my wife would be a betrayal of my daughter and grandson.
The one thing you must leave behind is the guilt of not being able to prevent her death. The why's and what ifs have no answer. Your loss is not fair, not logical, and not your fault; but to not give your support to the people your daughter loved would be a true betrayal.
Secondly, each individual has to handle the loss in their own manner. You may not agree with the way your wife or other family members handle their grief, but learn to be tolerant of it as long as it isn't destructive of their, or the family's life. If one of your other loved ones starts down that path, give them your support as well as any other help you can get them.

I cannot tell you how sorry I am for the pain that has entered your life. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

When my son was 12, we were visiting family. Sam's grand father lived directly across the street from his uncle. It is a rural state trunk line and the speed limit is 55mph. Sam's uncle bought a go cart for his kids. Sam saw the go cart being unloaded and was so excited, he didn't look before he crossed the road. The car that hit him didn't have time to hit the brakes. His mom, sister and I all watched, seeing everything from the living room.

Here are some things that I will offer, (some of them may seem hurtful to you now. I sincerely hope you understand them later)

If you and your wife go to grief counseling, at some point the counselor will tell you that statistically your marriage is doomed. At that point you and your wife should stand up, tell the counselor to go to hell, and walk out. Accept the challenge. The best way for you and your wife to honor your daughter is to love each other, rather than focus on and retreat into your own individual pain. It has been 19 years since our son died. I can honestly say that our marriage has never been stronger.

You are a man. You must never forget that you cannot help your daughter by making her more important than your wife and any surviving siblings. All that does is let cancer claim more victims. It honors your daughter to focus on the survivors of her cancer.

Some day you and your wife will smile again, you will laugh again; and not feel survivor's guilt. And that is OK. But I guarantee you that some ass will think it is too soon, and will comment about it. Write that ass out of your life.

At some point you will tire of people offering their condolences. They mean well, but it is like they are sticking a knife in the wound and setting you back to square one. Hold your tongue. At some point, you will want to re-enter the world. People will remember that you lashed out. They will forget why.

Some day some one will say they love their dog or their cat like it is one of their children. Don't let them know how ignorant that statement is. Pray for them, pray that they never have to learn the hard way how ignorant they are. You are going to see life differently now. You will realize that most of the things people think are really important, are not important at all.

At some point in the future, you will realize that you didn't think once about your daughter all day. The guilt will be crushing. It doesn't mean you are a bad father. It means you are healing. The pain will never go away. Your grief brought back all of my own pain, loss, and confusion; as if I was still seeing Sam cartwheeling through the air. But in a few moments the tears will stop, and I will be able to get back to the duties of the day. Your pain will never get less. But the time between the sharp bouts of pain will get longer. Expect to be "out of sorts" on holidays, and special days (like when she would have graduated) and each year around the day of her death. On those days, focus hard on the living.

The best way to stop feeling sorry for yourself is to help someone else. I became an EMT. I might not have been able to help my son. But his loss taught me to help others.

You have joined a club that no one wants to join. I will not tell you that our experiences are the same, or that our healing paths will be the same. But If you want to talk, or you want to hold on to the phone and know that another man at the other end of the line weeps for your daughter, request a contact. Each person grieves differently, but I will share what I can.

I haven't lost a child but I just lost my mom to cancer and I was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness. I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry that you are going through something no parent should ever experience. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to list just holler