Posted on Sep 11, 2016
Civilians get divorced at a higher rate than the military. Did military service strengthen or ruin your marriage?
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Responses: 46
In my case the time away from each other and both of our actions equaled the end of our marriage .
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Sp4. Byron Skinner…Since I was in a conscripted military (Army and Marines) I would say less the 5% of E-4's and under were married. The vast majority of them occurred just before deployment to Vietnam. Catching my drift here…To respond to this question I would have to go through the trouble of verifying these numbers, which I'm not going to do. I have found that many statistics published in these almost Power Point Presentations are not valid, often the result of taking numbers from many sources add and dividing and then calling for a margin of error…I would think that a social issue as large as this would be impossible to get a verifiable and and accurate picture of the issue…Finally what good is the answer? I can't see where any generalization can be made, human behavior is not predictable and often dissolving a marriage is real the best for all concerned. By the way my wife and I have been together since high school 1964, including a tour in Vietnam and several mont on a K Ward in and Army Hospital, and recently a stroke my wife had that cost me out of pocket over $300,000 cash for over five months in a Hospital. Medicare doesn't cover everything.
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I was in a small unit at a national intelligence agency. On one occasion, one Friday afternoon, we took a head count. The seven of us (Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines) had five former marriages among us. Not a good statistic. Yes, military service can be very hard on marriages. This was well before 9-11, and most of the folks I work with nowadays have four or more deployments. That's really hard on a family.
Regards,
Hugh
PS- I have been very happily married for the last 32 years. Finally got it right....
Regards,
Hugh
PS- I have been very happily married for the last 32 years. Finally got it right....
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Hmmm. I don't know!! I mean, I don't have anything to compare... I've been married to my husband for 30 years. Its been a first marriage for both of us. We were both enlisted. Both have fairly solid morals and values. Both were raised by parents who stayed married for life. Both of our fathers were Military, as well. So, I'm not sure how much influence our military service time had on us. I have seen a lot of military marriages fail. Military service can be very stressful and demanding. A spouse never likes to hear that they or the children have to come second, since the military member takes an oath to serve their country first.
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A1C Lisa Casserly
COL Lee Flemming - Oh, that's just the tip of the iceberg, really. Hubby's Dad enlisted in 1943 - at 16 years old... his father finally caved to the fussing and signed James in. He had tried 2 years earlier, at age 14, but the Marine recruiter caught him... I suppose his small size didn't help. Maybe if he'd been a big, strapping farm boy, but he was always a tiny, thin man. I doubt he went much more than 130, soaking wet. He desperately wanted to be a Marine; but they wouldn't take him. He was too short, too slender, etc. So he went in the Navy. Did his basic with them. Then signed up to be a Navy Corpsman. Since they sent him out with the Marines, he had to take Marine Basic, too. He was a tough little buzzard! Served from 1943 all the way thru the early 70s. Thru WWII, Korea, Viet Nam. He was a corpsman on Iwo Jima. Witnessed the first flag raising, and the second, staged one for the photo ops. He was also at Nagasaki shortly after the bomb drop, as medical relief. He had his pic taken in THE Barber Chair. It was a big deal with all the guys... No wonder he and so many others died of cancer, huh? He was an AMAZING MAN. And as to long military tradition... There was even a Casserly man who served with William the Conqueror in 1066...
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COL Lee Flemming
A1C Lisa Casserly - now you have me smiling. Thanks for sharing your families great history!!
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A1C Lisa Casserly
You're welcome... four of our five kids enlisted as well. It seems to be as natural as breathing, to enlist. And may this continue, its a proud tradition! I have two Army and two Air Force; The USAF are an intel analyst and a B-1B crew chief/maintainer. The Army ones are an Infantryman and a Combat Medic. The medic is the girl... and she's also our wounded warrior. She's an amazing girl. I shake my head, thinking of her. She doesn't QUIT. And she doesn't whine... there is so little woe-is-me... the occasional musing over why it happened, but never self-pity. I'm amazed by that... and quite honestly, I don't think I could have been as graceful under pressure as she is. She fights back; they initially told her they didn't know if she would walk again - certainly she would need a walker or cane, and she'd likely never be able to get rid of the limp... but she told them ... well, disrespectfully, BITE ME. And she got up. And she walks, without a cane or walker... and the only time you see a limp is if she's really overdone, or is super tired. Then they said she would never be able to bend her knee normally, so she'd never run again... and.. well, she does. She's competed TWICE in the Bataan Death March marathon in March at White Sands, NM. The whole 26.2 miles. On those so-damaged legs. Both times she finished between 7 hrs 20 minutes and 7 hrs 30 minutes. And she played in The Warrior Games in June, getting 3 gold medals and two bronze. Its odd to say, but she's my hero! A real inspiration to me.
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I'd have to say it strengthened my marriage, getting out and civilian life almost ended it. Straight and Stalwart!!
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A1C Lisa Casserly
That's true... getting out is a huge, huge lifestyle change. The structure of being enlisted can be helpful in that you always know where you stand. Civilian life is much more ... flexible? And with that flexibility, comes uncertainty, and that's hard to deal with.
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Maj Pamayla Darbyshire, MSN/CNS
lisa you are so right. we are used to a certain work environment and civilians (some anyway) just don't get it. i'd rather work with a group of retired or former military folks any day
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A1C Lisa Casserly
I hear that. And there is this incredible sense of FAMILY with us. No matter what branch, they are our brothers and sisters. Yes, there is some harassment, hazing, whatever you want to call it. But its usually all in good fun.
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A1C Lisa Casserly
OH!! I'm so sorry!! I feel like after you make it to 30 or 35 years, you should be home free, and that you should be able to work thru any problem. I am always amazed and horrified when divorce happens to people who were such a long term couple. I know a couple - won't name names - but they were married for nearly 50 years. And one day, she was planting flowers in the yard and he walked up behind her and smashed her over the head with a cast iron skillet. She saw him winding up to hit her again, and she ran up the street to the convenience store, where they locked him out and called 911. Later, she found out that he'd been cheating on her for years. If I had been asked to choose THE PERFECT COUPLE, I would have picked them! There were NO SIGNS of anything before he snapped.
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Definitely hindered mine. Ended up divorced. Sad cause he was USNR of 30+ yrs
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My marriage lasted through dual service, then I got out when baby #3 came along and went into the Reserves. My husband eventually retired and then I was recalled for deployment and upon my return injured and ill, that was the end of my marriage of 16 years. I guess being a Navy Wife is one thing but a Navy Husband another.
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Spending two years as a Drill Sergeant and another two and a half as a Range Safety Officer almost ruined mine. I was never home; weekends and holidays were ordinary training days. My wife passed away after 15 1/2 years of marriage ... my daughters were 10 and 11 at the time.
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