Best Deployment Conversations/Quotes?

PFC Dydasco,

Here is by FAR the funniest deployment conversation I've ever been apart of, let me paint the picture!

Iraq, September 2010

My buddy (LITERALLY A DAY OLD SGT) and I (A DAY OLD SPC) are sitting in our shop playing WWE on X-Box. We were apart of a 4 man commo team that supported our BDE CDR at our COB, but also had an Infantry BN with us, and with that, come hardcore, tough as nails CSMs and 1SGs.

While Im kicking his a** in WWE, he goes "I've got to take a sh*t so bad, but were all out of TP!" So I say, just go hit up the porta-johns outside the compound, its right there. He says f&ck it, and grabs a stack of brown paper towels we use in the latrines and jets out the door.

About 15 minutes later, he comes back and says "Oh sh*t, I think Im in trouble!" He goes "I went to the latrine inside the TOC (Latrines had stalls with NO DOORS and NO TOILET SEATS, so all you could do was piss)..So I respond with..soooooo how did you...ya know ? He goes "I hovered over the shitter!!" Im laughing my ass off...then he says, right when I dropped a shit, a MAJ (BN XO) walked in, looks right at me while Im hovering and goes "Who the f&ck are you?!" My buddy tells him who he is, and the MAJ walks off. So Im like "Well, if he walked off your good, cause a MAJ would've done SOMETHING by now!" No shit, the second I get done saying that, the biggest, meanest 1SG I've ever seen in my life kicks the door in and bellows "WHO THE F&&K IS SGT WHITTEN?!?!" My buddy goes "I am, 1SG!" 1SG yells as if his feelings were hurt, "You took a shit in my latrine!!!! GO PICK THAT SHIT UP WITH YOUR F&CKING HANDS DIRTBAG AND GET THAT SHIT OUT OF MY TOILET! YOU DIDNT EVEN FLUSH ASSHOLE!!!!" As soon as 1SG left, I about died laughing my ass off as I watched my buddy literally pick up his own shit with his bare hands and take it to a dumpster!