What is your favorite and most hated MRE?

REALLY old school.... Dehydrated Beef Patty and Dehydrated Pork Patty....Accesssory packet B (means NOTHING in it but TP, matches, coffee, creamer, sugar, 2 chicklets gum,  and spoon).  Came with dehyrdated fruit cocktail.  No candy and nothing edible.  I used to eat the dehyrdated pork patty dry....kinka like pork rinds.... talk about creating a disaster during a field problem.....bound you up for DAYS and good luck delivering that brick.....

You must not be old enough to remember the Ham Slice.

The Ham Slice MRE was a dichotomy -- on the one hand, it was the worst MRE ever. Imagine, if you will, an MRE-shaped slab of flesh that we were told was most assuredly pork. Imagine, if you will, unpackaging this gelatinous-covered brick and thinking, "Gee they packed this weapon in cosmoline" or "I hope the guy who donated this organ doesn't have a disease."

Now imagine, if you will, being involved in an intense firefight with fierce, screaming, enraged jihadi-loving al'Qaida and Taliban fighters. Suddenly, your M4 runs out of ammo. You draw your 9mm or whatever sidearm you have, then that, too runs out of ammo (and you've only wounded them because 9mil).

You have two options, soldier. You can fix bayonets and go down swinging, or you can take the fight to the jihadis... not with an e-tool, no sir -- YOU HAVE A HAM SLICE MRE.

Thinking quickly, you cut open the MRE under withering enemy fire. You pop in the anti-pooping gum, quickly swallow the kool-aid powder and the hot cocoa mix for that crack-I-mean-sugar rush, and you peel that chunk of flesh out of the plastic pouch.

Thusly armed, you let loose what can only be described as an Indian war whoop on steroids, fueled by raw sugar and powdered dye, and you surge over the sandbag berms and charge directly into the Taliban ranks. Your squad's gunner lets loose his remaining thirty-four rounds of SAW ammo then he, too, digs in the MRE box. He comes up short so he fixes bayonet and covers your six, his war-face not quite as fierce for lack of Ham Slice.

The first terrorist you see, you clock him on the side of his face with the Ham Slice. Him being Muslim, he automatically bursts into flame with a shriek. You're probably violating the Geneva Convention but you don't care -- it's kill or be killed and these motherfuckers flew a plane into the WTC. Plus you're hopped up on sugar and carrying a HAM SLICE.

The guy you just vapourised, his buddy Jihadi John sees that pulsating pink slab of vat-grown DNA and he starts yelling to his buddies in Arabic or Pashtun or Esperanto that the tide of battle has changed. "WE MUST FLEE, THE INFIDELS HAVE HAM SLICE."

General Mattis later asks if he can be your driver. He also bestows upon you six Medals of Honour and nine Swiss bikini volleyball players who haven't seen a real man or a ham slice in ten years. Nobody sees you for a week, and only then do you come out with your ham slice in its own custom moleskin holster. You get some water, some Cheese Tortellini MREs, and then disappear to your love nest in Conex 31-B.

Just don't let the ham slice near your lips and you'll be fine, HEEEE-ROOOOOO.

There is a best?

In truth, I cannot remember a time where I at an entire MRE? I can remember breaking them down and eating portions from various MREs? When I had the time to actually prepare a meal, so of the ones normally considered the worst could be made into the best.

I do know the worst meal ever was C-Ration (yes, I know how old that makes me) Spaghetti with meat chunks for breakfast. While the yellowish gel that formed on the top of any meat product was always a great start to any morning, spaghetti in the middle of any long road march is always a bad combination.