Posted on May 3, 2016
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Over the last generation, kids have increasingly been surrounded only by women. Single moms as well as the vast majority of teachers being female. Many kids don't have any routine interaction with any male authority in their lives. I'm not pointing a finger at either men or women directly. All I'm proposing is could there be a link to less male involvement in the lives of children?
Parenting
Family
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 13
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I can't speak for anyone else, but my kids were raised by both parents and turned out awesome. Semper Fidelis.
To answer your question, yes there is a problem with society right now and one of the issues or foundations with those problems could be the lack of male role models under the roof.
To answer your question, yes there is a problem with society right now and one of the issues or foundations with those problems could be the lack of male role models under the roof.
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Oh hell yes it is causing problems. And it can be corrected if you care enough to get involved.
I spent a few years as a NJROTC instructor at an inner city school. Greater than 95% of my students were from single parent families. Probably half didn’t have a stable home with one parent (they rotated between mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and family friends from week to week). In the three years I was in that position not one parent ever showed up to a Parent-Teacher Conference or came to my classroom for a PTO Night. Three years, not one parent.
Both male and female students were starved for positive adult male interaction in their lives. At the end of the day I would literally have to scrape them off of me in order to get in my truck and go home. On the day I announced I was leaving I came out at the end of the day and found about twenty kids in the bed of my truck. They wanted to go with me. I recently drove five hours to attend a boot camp graduation at MCRD Parris Island for one of my former students. I met his mom for the first time. She told me he came home and cried the day I left the school.
These students are generally good kids. But they have never had a male father figure to thump them on the nose and say “NO. That is inappropriate. Do not do that. Next time let’s try and do it this way”. Then pat them on the back and tell them how proud you are of them. They respond like starving children to food when you take interest in them and provided them with ‘fatherly advice’.
I used to pull my young female students aside and chide them for letting male students hang on them and touch them as if they owned them. You would be amazed at how quickly my female students developed a sense of self-respect and positive self-esteem when someone simply stepped up and said don’t do that. You didn’t dare put your hand on my students after that.
Same for the male students. By setting limits and establishing accepted norms of behavior they soon found the limits that all young adults are searching for. They functioned and excelled once they found their place in a family structure that more often than not did not exist at home. In the three years I was teaching I was attacked three times and had to thump three different kids into reality. After it was settled they were model students. They had found their left and right limits and knew where their behavior was to be confined. That is not bragging about me being a bad ass. That is showing how young men will “buck up” to test the waters and to see if they are men. Sometimes it takes father to rap you across the nose to put you back in line to get your attention. Sometimes it simply takes a private conversation to express you disappointment in their behavior.
Most of my students had no idea how to tie a tie, tie their shoes, tell time on an analog clock, or how to shake hands. They didn’t understand that going to a job interview with a torn t-shirt and stained jeans was a bad thing. I used to hold mock job interviews with them where I would teach them how to act and how to dress for business interviews. How to shake hands, make eye contact, and for the love of God to smile when you meet someone!! I would go with them when they applied to local businesses for after school jobs. I held them accountable if they messed up at work.
The single biggest tragedy in America today is the number of father’s who have gone AWOL. The number of “sire and forget” fathers has got to be countered. Both parents play a crucial role in the successful raising of any child. The mother and father take leads at various points in the developmental progression of the child. Anyone who has raised children knows this instinctively. When one parent is absent then problems begin to arise in the psychological development that can retard social development if not countered by outside influences. That is not a shot at single mothers. Some of them are doing admirable jobs. It is a face slap at any father who walks away and doesn’t do his damn job of helping to raise his child.
You can help. If you are coming off of active duty look into the Troops to Teachers Program. You can earn bonus money for becoming a teacher. If you are retired look into JROTC and become an instructor. If you can’t do either, then volunteer to be a teacher’s aide or lay counselor. Volunteer to be an assistant coach at a local school. Join Big Brothers or Big Sisters. Get involved. If we do nothing then we are going to implode as a society. We are raising a generation of feral, free range children who do not know how to function in society. It is easy to make a difference. You fought in Afghanistan and Iraq then High School should be no challenge for you. Step up.
I spent a few years as a NJROTC instructor at an inner city school. Greater than 95% of my students were from single parent families. Probably half didn’t have a stable home with one parent (they rotated between mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and family friends from week to week). In the three years I was in that position not one parent ever showed up to a Parent-Teacher Conference or came to my classroom for a PTO Night. Three years, not one parent.
Both male and female students were starved for positive adult male interaction in their lives. At the end of the day I would literally have to scrape them off of me in order to get in my truck and go home. On the day I announced I was leaving I came out at the end of the day and found about twenty kids in the bed of my truck. They wanted to go with me. I recently drove five hours to attend a boot camp graduation at MCRD Parris Island for one of my former students. I met his mom for the first time. She told me he came home and cried the day I left the school.
These students are generally good kids. But they have never had a male father figure to thump them on the nose and say “NO. That is inappropriate. Do not do that. Next time let’s try and do it this way”. Then pat them on the back and tell them how proud you are of them. They respond like starving children to food when you take interest in them and provided them with ‘fatherly advice’.
I used to pull my young female students aside and chide them for letting male students hang on them and touch them as if they owned them. You would be amazed at how quickly my female students developed a sense of self-respect and positive self-esteem when someone simply stepped up and said don’t do that. You didn’t dare put your hand on my students after that.
Same for the male students. By setting limits and establishing accepted norms of behavior they soon found the limits that all young adults are searching for. They functioned and excelled once they found their place in a family structure that more often than not did not exist at home. In the three years I was teaching I was attacked three times and had to thump three different kids into reality. After it was settled they were model students. They had found their left and right limits and knew where their behavior was to be confined. That is not bragging about me being a bad ass. That is showing how young men will “buck up” to test the waters and to see if they are men. Sometimes it takes father to rap you across the nose to put you back in line to get your attention. Sometimes it simply takes a private conversation to express you disappointment in their behavior.
Most of my students had no idea how to tie a tie, tie their shoes, tell time on an analog clock, or how to shake hands. They didn’t understand that going to a job interview with a torn t-shirt and stained jeans was a bad thing. I used to hold mock job interviews with them where I would teach them how to act and how to dress for business interviews. How to shake hands, make eye contact, and for the love of God to smile when you meet someone!! I would go with them when they applied to local businesses for after school jobs. I held them accountable if they messed up at work.
The single biggest tragedy in America today is the number of father’s who have gone AWOL. The number of “sire and forget” fathers has got to be countered. Both parents play a crucial role in the successful raising of any child. The mother and father take leads at various points in the developmental progression of the child. Anyone who has raised children knows this instinctively. When one parent is absent then problems begin to arise in the psychological development that can retard social development if not countered by outside influences. That is not a shot at single mothers. Some of them are doing admirable jobs. It is a face slap at any father who walks away and doesn’t do his damn job of helping to raise his child.
You can help. If you are coming off of active duty look into the Troops to Teachers Program. You can earn bonus money for becoming a teacher. If you are retired look into JROTC and become an instructor. If you can’t do either, then volunteer to be a teacher’s aide or lay counselor. Volunteer to be an assistant coach at a local school. Join Big Brothers or Big Sisters. Get involved. If we do nothing then we are going to implode as a society. We are raising a generation of feral, free range children who do not know how to function in society. It is easy to make a difference. You fought in Afghanistan and Iraq then High School should be no challenge for you. Step up.
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Do we know that over the last generation, kids have increasingly been surrounded only by women? Or is this a hypothetical question based on observation/assumption?
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Col Jim Harmon
Neither. It is a statistical fact, and it's getting worse. Especially true for inner city children from family units that fall under the poverty limit.
The U.S. Census Bureau reports that there are approximately 26% of children under 21 are from single parent homes (that number jumps to 72% for African American families). 83% of single parent homes are headed by women.
The U.S. Census Bureau reports that there are approximately 26% of children under 21 are from single parent homes (that number jumps to 72% for African American families). 83% of single parent homes are headed by women.
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PFC Al Sethre
It is an observation/assumption, however there are studies that show trends of increased instances of maternal single parenthood and that more school teachers are women than men. I also assume that parents and teachers have the most influence on a child due to the percentage of the waking day that they are exposed to them. However, I am willing to change my mind on a subject when presented with new or compelling arguments/evidence to suggest that it is not true, i.e. responses from the RP community.
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