I was rated 100% service connected with PTSD by the VA after I took a loaded gun and was set on blowing my brains out. Luckily my ex was there to talk me off that ledge.

One thing I learned since that event is that we have been systematically conditioned to repress our emotions and hyper compartmentalize our feelings.

From our first day in basic training when tall, intimidating men are screaming in our faces to days out in the field when we lose a friend, everything stays inside, bottled up and ready to pop at any moment. Who has time for feelings when we have a job to do and people to look after?

There is never a convenient time to face an inconvienent truth. That's why they always come back to haunt us when we least want to deal with them.

Maybe a few drinks will keep the demons at bay.

A night with a new set of legs to crawl between puts a tiny bandaid on a bullet hole.

Over and over again we try to distract ourselves, look away, "stay busy", buy stuff to decorate our lives and keep our minds off an unflattering truth.

Inside part of us is broken and we don't know how to fix it.

One thing I found helpful was re-learning how to connect and interpret emotions again.

Being present in the anger without the story or need to do something with it.

Being present in the sadness without reaching for the bottle.

Being present in the moment without the need or urge to run away.

Slowly but surely the ability to face one's self starts to rise.

At first the demons are scary monsters we can't to look at.

If we can muster up the courage to see past their ugly faces.....

they are simply fragments of a broken soul looking for a way to glue themselves back together again

....without any diagram or instructions to follow.