Age
Age
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Old Man Statement, Day 59, 4 November 2024
Mr. Burk is so old...he was around when there was only on continent and one ocean.
Note: No old man statement tomorrow. Many schools are used as polling places and with so many people coming into and going out of the schools it isn't' the worth the risk of something happening to our students.
Mr. Burk is so old...he was around when there was only on continent and one ocean.
Note: No old man statement tomorrow. Many schools are used as polling places and with so many people coming into and going out of the schools it isn't' the worth the risk of something happening to our students.
Humor
Age
Edited 17 d ago
Posted 17 d ago
Responses: 5
5
5
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**Title: "How Old Is He?"**
(Imagine a comedian standing on stage with a spotlight on him, holding an exaggeratedly thick, old-looking book titled "Ancient History".)
**Comedian:** You know, folks, I've been thinking about this one guy I know. Let's call him... Methuselah, yeah, that's fitting. And let me tell you, this guy... he's so old, he makes the Dead Sea look like it's just taking a nap!
- **He's so old...** that when he was a kid, his favorite toy was a rock. And not just any rock, but a rock that had served as a wheel in the Stone Age.
- **He's so old...** he remembers when the Great Pyramids were just a zoning proposal.
- **He's so old...** he voted for Cleopatra in the last election. And by "last," I mean the last one *she* ran in.
- **He's so old...** he once got a job as an extra in a cave painting. He was just there for color, but he claims he brought the whole scene to life.
- **He's so old...** his first job was as a sundial. But he got fired because he kept sleeping on the job. Literally.
- **He's so old...** he has an autographed copy of the Epic of Gilgamesh. And by autographed, I mean Gilgamesh himself came over and drew his name in cuneiform on it because they didn't have Sharpies back then.
- **He's so old...** he can remember when "history" was just called "news."
- **He's so old...** his birth certificate has Roman numerals on it. And not just small ones like "I" or "II", we're talking like "MCMLXXXVI"!
- **He's so old...** he knew the original inventor of fire. They were roommates. He always complained about the smoke alarm going off.
- **He's so old...** when someone asks him if he's seen "the original," he's like, "Which one? The one from 3,000 years ago or the re-release?"
- **He's so old...** he missed Noah's Ark because he was already in his second 40 days and 40 nights of a nap.
- **He's so old...** he remembers when the wheel was just a theory.
- **He's so old...** that when he talks about 'the good old days', he's talking about the Mesozoic era. He said the dinosaurs were good neighbors, but they partied too loud.
- **He's so old...** when he says "Back in my day," he's not talking about last century; he's talking about several epochs ago.
- **He's so old...** on his birthday, archaeologists come to his house to dig for artifacts. They usually find stuff from his high school years.
**Comedian:** So, next time you meet someone who claims to be old, just remember, they've got nothing on Methuselah. He's so old, even time itself looks at him and says, "You're still here? I thought we parted ways ages ago!" Thank you, you've been a great audience, and remember, age is just a number... unless you're Methuselah, then it's an entire encyclopedia!
(Imagine a comedian standing on stage with a spotlight on him, holding an exaggeratedly thick, old-looking book titled "Ancient History".)
**Comedian:** You know, folks, I've been thinking about this one guy I know. Let's call him... Methuselah, yeah, that's fitting. And let me tell you, this guy... he's so old, he makes the Dead Sea look like it's just taking a nap!
- **He's so old...** that when he was a kid, his favorite toy was a rock. And not just any rock, but a rock that had served as a wheel in the Stone Age.
- **He's so old...** he remembers when the Great Pyramids were just a zoning proposal.
- **He's so old...** he voted for Cleopatra in the last election. And by "last," I mean the last one *she* ran in.
- **He's so old...** he once got a job as an extra in a cave painting. He was just there for color, but he claims he brought the whole scene to life.
- **He's so old...** his first job was as a sundial. But he got fired because he kept sleeping on the job. Literally.
- **He's so old...** he has an autographed copy of the Epic of Gilgamesh. And by autographed, I mean Gilgamesh himself came over and drew his name in cuneiform on it because they didn't have Sharpies back then.
- **He's so old...** he can remember when "history" was just called "news."
- **He's so old...** his birth certificate has Roman numerals on it. And not just small ones like "I" or "II", we're talking like "MCMLXXXVI"!
- **He's so old...** he knew the original inventor of fire. They were roommates. He always complained about the smoke alarm going off.
- **He's so old...** when someone asks him if he's seen "the original," he's like, "Which one? The one from 3,000 years ago or the re-release?"
- **He's so old...** he missed Noah's Ark because he was already in his second 40 days and 40 nights of a nap.
- **He's so old...** he remembers when the wheel was just a theory.
- **He's so old...** that when he talks about 'the good old days', he's talking about the Mesozoic era. He said the dinosaurs were good neighbors, but they partied too loud.
- **He's so old...** when he says "Back in my day," he's not talking about last century; he's talking about several epochs ago.
- **He's so old...** on his birthday, archaeologists come to his house to dig for artifacts. They usually find stuff from his high school years.
**Comedian:** So, next time you meet someone who claims to be old, just remember, they've got nothing on Methuselah. He's so old, even time itself looks at him and says, "You're still here? I thought we parted ways ages ago!" Thank you, you've been a great audience, and remember, age is just a number... unless you're Methuselah, then it's an entire encyclopedia!
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With age comes wisdom...just like an aged expensive whiskey, wine, bourbon, brandy...everything becomes more refined and better with age.
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SGT James Murphy
Bethina Lee - I wish I had some pictures of the 80 foot jumps I used to do in to the side of a 100% SAND Burm that I raced sideways up to the top of a 200 foot hill and riding the back tire down the rest of the course. Damn this was way before X Games etc. I'm 77 now and was doing that back when I was 27 on a Husky 400 CR one lunger!
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Bethina Lee
SGT James Murphy I believe all the mothers/wives/girlfriends had Evel Knievel to thank for all our injuries LOL
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SGT James Murphy
Bethina Lee - Actually I had never heard of the guy until much later in life. I used to run with the Pro's from Kings Bike Shop in Appleton Wisconsin. Crazy people. One of the brothers was racing motocross crashed and broke 3 ribs but continued to race finished 3rd and then went to the hospital. Freaking Crazy!
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Bethina Lee
SGT James Murphy sucks..but when you're younger your body heals and feels like your Superman; I remember doing stupid things like that...
I have many old friends & vets that used to ride with certain clubs & "boys charters". One of my close friends took me to a certain club outside of Parris Island, give you an interesting perspective of American Culture and private clubs.
I have many old friends & vets that used to ride with certain clubs & "boys charters". One of my close friends took me to a certain club outside of Parris Island, give you an interesting perspective of American Culture and private clubs.
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Good Monday evening Cpl Vic Burk. I’ve been absent due to a hospital stay to treat my pneumonia. Got my parole this afternoon.
Since Pangea was formed about 300 million years ago, you are old! Include is a rendering of Pangea.
Since Pangea was formed about 300 million years ago, you are old! Include is a rendering of Pangea.
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Bethina Lee
Congratulations on your parole! Don't you miss that lovely hospital environment where they wake you up every 30mins to hour just to check on your vitals or give you meds?
Happy you made it out in 1 piece maybe you can finally get some real sleep :0)
Happy you made it out in 1 piece maybe you can finally get some real sleep :0)
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