https://www.npr.org/2023/07/02/ [login to see] /dont-ask-dont-tell-gay-lesbian-military
Bob Alexander joined the Air Force in 1990, planning to make it his career. He knew there was a big issue to deal with: Alexander was starting to question his sexual orientation. At the time, gay troops weren't allowed in the military. In fact, the ban wouldn't be lifted for another two decades.
"I just decided that I would just follow the rules in terms of not acting on my sexuality. Which meant that for the first 12, 14 years I was alone, celibate, not dating," he says.
Around the same time Stephan Steffanides joined the Navy, just like his father, uncle, grandfather and great uncle, among others.
"My family's been serving this country for all of the last century," Steffanides says.
He served aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, stationed at Norfolk, Va. But two years into his enlistment, Steffanides got spotted at a gay bar near his base.