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900-words detailing the hardest lesson I learned in the military - my courage failed me in Camp Bastion and two men died.
I hope that by highlighting my shortcomings I may inspire someone else to go that extra mile in whatever circumstances they find themselves in.
Rest-in-Peace Marines
I hope that by highlighting my shortcomings I may inspire someone else to go that extra mile in whatever circumstances they find themselves in.
Rest-in-Peace Marines
TQM | Moral Courage
Posted from thequietmancunian.comPosted in these groups: 
Afghanistan
Camp Bastion
Camp Leatherneck3rd MAW
Operation Inherent Resolve (OIR)
Afghanistan Camp Bastion Camp Leatherneck3rd MAW Operation Inherent Resolve (OIR)
Edited 6 y ago
Posted 6 y ago
Responses: 4
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It took a lot of courage to say that to everyone who reads it.
If you'll indulge me a moment PVT Anthony Heaford , let me talk to you about healing.
You have survivor's remorse. The guilt of thinking that better men than you lie dead and you remain alive to continue on.
You think that you could have done something different and had a different outcome. I know the feeling, because I live with it every day myself.
So there are two things that you need to understand:
1. The enemy gets a vote. Undoubtedly those aircraft were a high value target that the Taliban wanted to destroy if they could. They observed the defenses and devised a way to penetrate them in an effort to accomplish that aim. A determined enemy will find a way. It might have changed their plans, it might have put off their attack for a while, but they would have made the attempt anyway. Maybe their new plan would've been better than the one they used. We will never know.
2. This one you seem to have digested already, but learn from what you could have done better, and make sure others don't make the same mistake. We all make mistakes - most of us are fortunate for them to not make a life-altering consequence - but in our business it happens.
My friend, I love you as a brother-in arms, so I want you to learn this from a man who has struggled with this for nearly 14 years now. The most healing thing I did was look a widow in the eyes and tell her what I did and what I regretted not doing well enough to bring her husband home. It was hard... very hard. And it also left an indelible mark on me that both she and I walked away a little more whole after that visit.
Since that incident, I spent the years after boring into the skulls of my Soldiers that every last one of them is critical, not one idea is a bad one, and if you think of a way to make our mission go better or be more secure I want to hear it.
I was not in charge on 13 OCT 2004 on a road northeast of Mosul, but I have been in charge many times since. I guarantee that what didn't go well then would NEVER HAPPEN on my watch. Sure enough, when we were tested again, that test was passed.
Pass the test next time.
That is your charge.
If you'll indulge me a moment PVT Anthony Heaford , let me talk to you about healing.
You have survivor's remorse. The guilt of thinking that better men than you lie dead and you remain alive to continue on.
You think that you could have done something different and had a different outcome. I know the feeling, because I live with it every day myself.
So there are two things that you need to understand:
1. The enemy gets a vote. Undoubtedly those aircraft were a high value target that the Taliban wanted to destroy if they could. They observed the defenses and devised a way to penetrate them in an effort to accomplish that aim. A determined enemy will find a way. It might have changed their plans, it might have put off their attack for a while, but they would have made the attempt anyway. Maybe their new plan would've been better than the one they used. We will never know.
2. This one you seem to have digested already, but learn from what you could have done better, and make sure others don't make the same mistake. We all make mistakes - most of us are fortunate for them to not make a life-altering consequence - but in our business it happens.
My friend, I love you as a brother-in arms, so I want you to learn this from a man who has struggled with this for nearly 14 years now. The most healing thing I did was look a widow in the eyes and tell her what I did and what I regretted not doing well enough to bring her husband home. It was hard... very hard. And it also left an indelible mark on me that both she and I walked away a little more whole after that visit.
Since that incident, I spent the years after boring into the skulls of my Soldiers that every last one of them is critical, not one idea is a bad one, and if you think of a way to make our mission go better or be more secure I want to hear it.
I was not in charge on 13 OCT 2004 on a road northeast of Mosul, but I have been in charge many times since. I guarantee that what didn't go well then would NEVER HAPPEN on my watch. Sure enough, when we were tested again, that test was passed.
Pass the test next time.
That is your charge.
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PVT Anthony Heaford
On reflection, that answer sounds very much like the "Don't worry so much" reply I received from the guard commander 7-days before the airfield was overrun by Taliban.
Please do read my reports on the raid, airfield security & opium harvesting - I do know this subject intimately.
Please do read my reports on the raid, airfield security & opium harvesting - I do know this subject intimately.
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PVT Anthony Heaford
Your reply some what vindicates my decision not to approach the US military with my prediction and warnings - I now see that I was as likely to run it to a half-witted arrogant and incompetent command-chain on the US side as I was on the British.
A sorry state of affairs, reflected in the result in Helmand (we got an ass-kicking)
A sorry state of affairs, reflected in the result in Helmand (we got an ass-kicking)
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PVT Anthony Heaford
I'm very grateful for your taking the time to look.
My principle aim here is to get my experiences passed back up the chain-of-command. There couldn't of been a higher price paid to teach me about moral courage, so please use my experience in anyway you can to illustrate the point. Thank-you.
My principle aim here is to get my experiences passed back up the chain-of-command. There couldn't of been a higher price paid to teach me about moral courage, so please use my experience in anyway you can to illustrate the point. Thank-you.
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Thank you for your candor. The "what if" game can be very disconcerting. I hope you find the peace you are searching for.
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PVT Anthony Heaford
I have reached a point where I've done all I can - my question is more "Why not?" rather than "what if".
My 'why not' at the time was I would not be taken seriously. As 42-yr old reserve private soldier/vehicle mechanic on my first tour I was faced with approaching a foreign army and telling them the entire British command didn't know its arse from its elbow when it came to perimeter security.
I'll always regret not taking that risk, but I don't blame myself for the raid or its devastating success either. For my own conscience I've needed to do all I can to make sure lessons are learnt - it was a shameful event for the British military and a tragic one for the Marine's families. But those men died doing the job they loved, they died defending us and by Christ they'll be in Valhalla or wherever Marines go.
My 'why not' at the time was I would not be taken seriously. As 42-yr old reserve private soldier/vehicle mechanic on my first tour I was faced with approaching a foreign army and telling them the entire British command didn't know its arse from its elbow when it came to perimeter security.
I'll always regret not taking that risk, but I don't blame myself for the raid or its devastating success either. For my own conscience I've needed to do all I can to make sure lessons are learnt - it was a shameful event for the British military and a tragic one for the Marine's families. But those men died doing the job they loved, they died defending us and by Christ they'll be in Valhalla or wherever Marines go.
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PVT Anthony Heaford
MAJ Ken Landgren - Thank-you Sir.
Rather than actually finding peace, what I've discovered is that we are in a constant battle against moral and professional lapses. But I've learnt they can and should be challenged and that a better, more just world is still within our grasp.
Rather than actually finding peace, what I've discovered is that we are in a constant battle against moral and professional lapses. But I've learnt they can and should be challenged and that a better, more just world is still within our grasp.
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