How Have You Struggled?

For me it boils to support and not lip service. I had the unfortunate experience of being abandoned by the military and left to fend for myself. Thankfully I had a supportive family to help me get what I needed physically while I was kicked back and forth by the system acting like I was faking PTSD with four tours under my belt with several casualties. I had to spend thousands on support just to get me through the paperwork and medical evaluations that I couldn’t manage myself anymore. How about believing people to start with instead of bleeding them out when they already have their own shame and guilt to work through and accept the fact that they cannot manage high stress situations the way they used to.

I probably would have been a statistic if it wasn’t for outside help that thankfully I could afford to pay for. What about those who can’t? Quit this BS talk about wanting to make a difference and do it! This goes beyond substandard medical care and therapy.

I put my mind on others things challenging by building lego sets.

Number one thing that has been beneficial to me is Jiu Jitsu. I have had many dark moments, however time spent on the mats has been extremely helpful. IT IS NOT a cure, but has been the best method of dealing with it and switching from a negative/dark day, to a very positive day and something to look forward too. No pills, not playing with body chemistry, getting in better shape, and (at least at the gym I call home GracieFighter Caribou) you develop a huge network of people to contact if you need to vent.

I can not recommend trying jiu jitsu enough. Give it 90 days. You have nothing to loose and so much to gain.

I struggled with thoughts of Suicide. I took advantage of speaking with a with a VA therapist. I think group therapy and being able to farm with my family helped. There should be carpentry programs or any trade applicable programs attached with mental health help. Financial security as well as feeling apart of a community is what a lot of us lack as we enter the civilian world.

Connection. I received a lot of love when I was at my worst. My behavioral health was so off putting that I really had no business receiving the amount and quality of love that I did. But, because I did and because it was years worth of consistent there. I was able to do some really deep healing work with people. People who were not afraid to just have really honest conversations about feelings and the circumstances surrounding those feelings. Stuff I would never have allowed myself to feel and connect with became accessible. And this cause me to have much greater empathy for others. That allowed me to participate in the group conversation in healthy ways that were not centered on myself or any personality. In the groups I found safe containers to allow myself to learn to feel in. That changed everything. Because those spaces were filled with others who were already doing the work I found connection and through those connections I found ways to clear the shame I was carrying for not having taken appropriate responsibility for things as they actually were. Often I was taking my need to grieve and making myself feel guilt for it. I had my responsibilities mixed up. I couldn’t have done any of that work without well trained professional help. An eight week dive into my trauma with a good therapist gave me years worth of work to do in the groups. And it has made all of the difference.

I am being seen for my mental health somewhere other than my VA. I was told that I can only be seen if I agree to certain treatment plans. I tried, but they didn't help me a bit. So I was told I couldn't get my care there anymore. I'm 100% service connected, have attempted suicide 4+ times, and am doing ECT maintenance. I NEED talk therapy, and not getting it. Provide care tailored to the individual, not something the VA wants to do. I'm still hanging in there, but it's not been easy!

22 Veteran Suicides a day
Makes me wonder … Am I next?
Why doesn't someone listen and help before it's too late?
My United States Army Combat Service in Vietnam, 1970-71, went by without full disclosure as to the toxins
that would jeopardize and ultimately destroy my entire life. I was an infantryman humping the bush on search
and destroy missions in Binh Dinh for one year. During that year, three toxins were either thoughtlessly sprayed
on me, then ingested from the (blue-line) water and if that was not enough a toxic experimental malaria drug,
administered by our chief medic, Spec4 Cauldwell, as Walter Reed was testing it on me like a lab rat. The
agony, transgenerational hurt, emotional pain and financial destruction caused by my service would determine am
I next? Am I number 23?
Unanswered questions leads to Hopelessness
● Why didn’t the U.S. Army admit that they sprayed me with TCDD in 1971 ?
(2,3,7,8-tetrachlorodibenzo-p-dioxin in Binh Dinh, Vietnam). The confirmation of my exposure came 25 years later
when the U.S.Army released the 4thInfantry Binh Dinh Operational Reports.
● Why did it take 37 years for the U.S. Army to release? The 2008 Final Agent Orange Report stated, based on
the financial feasibility of accurately studying the effects of the toxins used on me in Vietnam, was cost prohibitive and disposed
of 8 years of previous studies and research?
● Why doesn’t the VA/ U.S. Army take some responsibility for what they did rather than towing the
company line with claim denials…(“ VA has no evidence of detrimental effects of toxins used in Binh Dinh, as they have
never run tests or ever plan to”)...... Or,”( Your claim for retroactive to the date of exposure is invalid as you didn’t file with in one
year of exposure)” Be real!, I didn’t know what it was for a quarter of a century as the Government hid,
lied and denied responsibility for this atrocity.!
● Why didn’t the U.S. Army inform me that I had been sprayed every nine days with mosquito killing
pesticide (Malathion) before banning it in 1971 as studies showed it was a teratogen?
● Why did the U.S. Army carelessly test malaria drugs on me for a year? (In 1971 10% of the troops were
stricken by malaria, The U.S. Army was in a hurry to develop a better inhibitor for malaria, which was in the experimental stages.
( W.R. 142- 490 and WR 171-699) when it was tested on me in the field. this experiential healthrisking malaria pill didn't get
FDA approval until 1985 and has been linked to every PTSD symptom.
Most Importantly Suicide.
2
How will my life story End? Justice, That’s all I ever wanted.
Somebody to listen, take responsibility maybe even apologize for making me suicidal.
I reached out to U.S. Representative Sara Jacobs for help , (her team said “we take suicide very seriously” and sent the
P.E.R.T. team to my apartment for a safety check. .
I’ve filed 16 claims with the VA and gotten 100% service connection but I have a mountain of medical debt caused by 3
miscarriages, 1 boy with a bilateral cleft lip and palate , 1 boy without a urinary canal (hypospadias) and one boy autistic with brittle bone
disease (Osteogenesis imperfecta).
All three are genetic defects that were caused by TCDD, Malathion and WR 142-490 WR 171-699.
If there is any doubt at all: as stated in the
Final Report on Agent Orange June 30, 2008 - Office of the Under Secretary of Defense - William Van Houten
“In making the final decision on whether an association exists, the Secretary of the Department of Veterans
Affairs must apply the standard, as mandated by Congress and the courts , that any resolution of doubt favors
the Vietnam Veteran.
Why should there be any doubt?
I was poisoned and paid the price , my nightmare of a life will end with this epitaph being published.
The pain , suf ering and abuse that I have endured for years is now unbearable… to read about billion dollar
for defective ear plugs is ludicrous in comparison.
I demand and deserve reparations that would be retroactive to the date I was poisoned by the U.S.Army.
I’ve been waiting for justice for over 50 years , will you help me now, or am I destined to be #23?
Denis LeClair, [login to see] ( [login to see]

I retired 28 plus years ago from active duty, and the “we care part” of the statement is part of the struggle the question asks to know. The VA is still a burden with red tape and a blotted bureaucracy a decade after their “Anti-Veteran Treatment in Phoenix Arizona” became public knowledge in 2014. It is no wonder the 2021 Wounded Warrior Project Survey showed that a majority of veterans preferred other health care over the VA. What’s worked for me is bypassing government healthcare, paying out of pocket, when I can for private health care. I have had a couple of good VA doctors in 28 years, but, this is not the truth this site wants to hear I am sure. Having to fight for and get denied over and over again for injuries received while on active duty doesn’t help mental health, being told you qualify for a PTSD service dog and 10 years later still not having one doesn’t help mental health, perceiving being lied to by the VA bureaucracy and VA doctors doesn’t help mental health, having to see a new doctor every couple of months doesn’t help mental health, being feed medications as a solution instead of cognitive proactive therapy doesn’t help mental health. Damaging your ankles on active duty while deployed overseas in February of 1987 and ending up in a wheelchair for three years, being denied VA service connection even though there are eight years of entries in your navy medical records doesn’t help mental health. Having to fight for ever inch of your service connection rating and receiving it piecemeal doesn’t help mental health. So, what has worked for me. When I started standing up for myself and demanding the medical care I was promised for the service to our country I gave between Vietnam to Desert Storm; becoming proactive, not accepting band aids to cover hemorrhages. AA and NA programs helped me walk away from dependency and start standing up and taking control of my own health care and well-being. It was not easy but it was necessary to survive. No, the VA doesn’t like a veteran that demands to be included in their own health care, but civilian doctors don’t seem to mind.

I don't feel comfortable sharing my own story so here is what I posted on LinkedIn to share: There are several ways to reduce veteran suicide rates:
Increase access to mental health services: It's essential to provide veterans with access to mental health services. These services should be easily accessible, affordable, and tailored to the specific needs of veterans. Veterans should also be educated about the services available to them, and they should be encouraged to seek help when they need it.
Reduce stigma surrounding mental health: There is still a significant stigma surrounding mental health issues, and this can be a significant barrier to veterans seeking help. Efforts should be made to reduce this stigma and encourage veterans to seek help without fear of judgment or retribution.
Improve employment opportunities: Many veterans struggle with finding employment after leaving the military, which can lead to financial and emotional stress. Providing job training and employment opportunities for veterans can help them feel more fulfilled and stable in their post-military lives.
Enhance social support: Social isolation can be a significant contributor to veteran suicide. It's important to create a sense of community and provide support networks for veterans, whether through family, friends, or peer support groups.
Address substance abuse and addiction: Substance abuse and addiction are often co-occurring issues for veterans with mental health problems. Treatment programs that address both mental health and substance abuse issues can be effective in reducing veteran suicide rates.
Increase firearm safety: Firearms are the most common method of suicide among veterans. Promoting firearm safety measures, such as safe storage and reducing access to firearms during times of crisis, can help prevent suicides.
Support research: There is still much we don't know about veteran suicide, and research can help identify effective prevention strategies. Funding research into the causes and prevention of veteran suicide can help reduce rates over time.

The VA ignored my issues from 2004 - 2011. I finally managed to get a good doctor who helped me after 6 years. I did not want to address it because of my security clearance. I did not know why I was having panic attacks and was generally paranoid about everything. The day came when I finally had a breakdown - I remember it like yesterday - a total breakdown around Easter 2010. I lost about 50 lbs in 2 months, could not work, lost my job, my house, and everything except my family - it hit hard and fast - 6 years of trying to ignore my problems.

So, things have changed. PTSD is not as stigmatizing as it once was. From what I have heard PTSD is not something that disqualifies you anymore. AGAIN - if you are suffering get help... jobs come and go. Take care of yourself before it eats you alive and it is too late.

That doctor changed my life, wish I had found him 5 years earlier. Even though I lost everything, I came back with the help of a good doctor and the VA.

Some people do care, even if you don't want to go through all the details. Find someone who can identify with you, fix your problem, and move on. Life is a blessing, you may not see it now, but if you are successful at finding a path out, you'll be much stronger and better for it.

Look, the last thing I wanted to do was talk to someone about my problems so counseling did not last long - I lived it, I dreamed about it, every waking and sleeping moment was around it - replay was exhausting. Sometimes we just need some help to turn off all the noise.

After the doctor helped me, I took time off to gather my head. Since I lost my job already I was able to take a year off - go back and get a master's degree.

Summary - find a good VA doctor and don't wait for the breakdown. Do not feel like there is no way out - there always is, you just have to be creative, better yourself, and cope but do not ignore, accept this is the way it is and it is up to you to get through it.

At the end of the day, the battle is in you and only you can make the decision to end it.