How do you help your children cope with your military duties?

it is hard. who is raising our kids. i used to go in to work at 0500 and get home at 1930. sometimes later. all for what? i wasnt saving lives. i was just waiting on a meeting. seems that the guys above me didnt have a family at home. so a late evening was acceptable. hate the term "burning the midnight oil". if i was back down range and my job needed to be done right then and there, well i could understand it. but i am tired of seeing Soldiers kids being raised by a day care. i am tired of leaders using the family care plan as a babysitting service. im tired of 42 meetings a week saying the same thing.

As for me personally, I explain my sense of duty and selfless service to them. I explain my patriotism and devotion. I make them part of my service. I involve them. I also need to say that I have a "special needs" child that is autistic. So, there is also a need to take a different approach with them in how I help them through the difficulties.

This may sound a bit corny, but.... We all know who COL Hal Moore (USA Ret) is and we've probably all seen the movie, "We Were Soldiers." In the movie the character representing the Colonel is asked by a young Lieutenant in essence how he balanced Soldiering and fatherhood. The answer by COL Moore in the movie was, "I think being one makes you better at the other...." I opine that what he meant by this was that carrying many or all of the Army Leadership attributes and competencies into his home helped him be a better father and that bringing good fatherhood into his position and role in the Army helped him be a better leader.

Philosophically, that is my position also. As a father and leader I articulate my service to our country in a manner that positively influences my (beautiful) children.

My kids are fairly young, so they don't understand what I do, which is both good and bad. I started having kids later, so I plan on retiring before they are in high school (my only real coping strategy).

All that aside, I 100% agree with MSG Danny Ibarra that the Army needs to take a hard look at the culture of working hard, all the time. We ("big Army") talk a lot about building strong families, and I believe our leaders are serious about this issue.

The problem is the leaders beneath our strategic leaders who tacitly or actively endorse 60-70 hour weeks in Garrison, over and over again.

I'm sure this not only hurts families, but has to hurt our re-enlistments as well.