What was the most ridiculous profile you were ever shown?

So there we were, it was 1996....at Fort Hood in the great state of Texas....on the eve of going to the field (meaning 1700 the afternoon before rolling to the field)........a less-than-stellar Soldier approaches me with caution and presents a piece of paper folded about 8 times.....written on the sick call slip, the physician wrote......"no walking on uneven terrain"......I chuckled and told the Soldier "that's original, make sure you pack everything according to the packing list" while the PL watched in awe.......I had a great neighbor that worked at the hospital......he let me sign for a wheelchair, the Soldier did not "walk" on uneven terrain.

Had a Marine come back from medical with a chit that said "Limited Use Of Self". Still not sure WTH that means.

We had a guy in our company that had a profile for wearing a booney cap (in garrison, Ft. Bragg) with every uniform during the hours of sunlight because of a sunburn. This cat got such a hard time from Senior NCOs that he took leave until he was off the profile. To make things worse he got caught not wearing the booney cap while out shopping which resulted in even more unwanted attention. For the rest of the summer he had to report to the BN CSM to put on sunblock three times a day.