Posted on Feb 17, 2021
What options do I have, Hardship/Relocation/Transfer to the Guard etc?
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Hello all,
Thanks in advance for any answers and time spent on this post, I just need some clarity on an issue that I have and see what suggestions or experience is floating around on this forum. Background on this issue. I am currently married with 3 kids, I have been married for 12 years and in the military for 10. One of my children who is currently 4 years old was born with a heart condition that required two immediate surgeries at birth. During one of the surgeries he had a stroke at some point, possibly coming off of bypass. He currently is diagnosed with multiple heart issues stemming from the surgery, mild cerebral palsy due the stroke, dysarthria (speech disorder), hemi plegia (left sided weakness), Gastroperisis (slow gut motility) and multiple other diagnosis stemming from the stoke. He is in multiple therapies, PT, OT, Speech, feeding but is losing multiple services due to the school systems where we live and my wife becoming overwhelmed. Long story short my wife has made the decision to move back to our home town (roughly 6 hours away) because we could not provide the care he needed due to my work schedule and the other children. She will have the support of my family and also the school systems are providing the necessary therapies. I love my job and I have dedicated my entire adult life to the military but im not ok with being a father just on the weekends. Do I have any options here as the father or do I just have to ride out the rest of this enlistment (3ish years) and move with them when its all said and done. Thanks again for any replies and help.
Thanks in advance for any answers and time spent on this post, I just need some clarity on an issue that I have and see what suggestions or experience is floating around on this forum. Background on this issue. I am currently married with 3 kids, I have been married for 12 years and in the military for 10. One of my children who is currently 4 years old was born with a heart condition that required two immediate surgeries at birth. During one of the surgeries he had a stroke at some point, possibly coming off of bypass. He currently is diagnosed with multiple heart issues stemming from the surgery, mild cerebral palsy due the stroke, dysarthria (speech disorder), hemi plegia (left sided weakness), Gastroperisis (slow gut motility) and multiple other diagnosis stemming from the stoke. He is in multiple therapies, PT, OT, Speech, feeding but is losing multiple services due to the school systems where we live and my wife becoming overwhelmed. Long story short my wife has made the decision to move back to our home town (roughly 6 hours away) because we could not provide the care he needed due to my work schedule and the other children. She will have the support of my family and also the school systems are providing the necessary therapies. I love my job and I have dedicated my entire adult life to the military but im not ok with being a father just on the weekends. Do I have any options here as the father or do I just have to ride out the rest of this enlistment (3ish years) and move with them when its all said and done. Thanks again for any replies and help.
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Posted 4 y ago
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OK... this may be the hardest part, so I am going to just rip the band-aid off....
DO NOT DO ANYTHING which could jeopardize your active duty status, and do everything you can to stay in the Army as long as you can. I know you are looking at getting out in 3 years, and it is hard being away, BUT.... As much as we make fun of it, TriCare is some of the best insurance in America, especially when it comes to families. And it is FREE. A child with that many issues (and pre-existing issues...) will be almost impossible to insure, and cost and arm and a leg to do so. I know that is a very dispassionate and unempathetic way to look at it, but it is something you absolutely HAVE to consider.
Next, is there a base near your home town? This is a perfect case for a compassionate re-assignment. If not a close by base, what about recruiting duty? If neither of those, what about a different base near better medical facilities (off the top of my head, anything in the DC area)?
Ultimately, this will be up to your chain of command and HRC. If your CoC supports a compassionate re-assignment (and I would suspect they will, as long as they believe you are an NCO worth keeping in the Army, but I cannot speak for them), and HRC supports a compassionate re-assignment, then you may be in luck.
Is your child enrolled in EFMP? If not, do so now! EFMP will make sure that any future assignments are either A) able to support your child's medical needs, or B) unaccompanied. (Obviously unaccompanied tours are less preferable, but they happen).
But, at the end of the day, you may not be able to get what you want right now. You may have to stick it out until re-enlistment time, and then angle for station of choice. If you do choose to get out, make sure you have a SOLID plan to care for your child emotional, physically, AND financially before making the leap.
DO NOT DO ANYTHING which could jeopardize your active duty status, and do everything you can to stay in the Army as long as you can. I know you are looking at getting out in 3 years, and it is hard being away, BUT.... As much as we make fun of it, TriCare is some of the best insurance in America, especially when it comes to families. And it is FREE. A child with that many issues (and pre-existing issues...) will be almost impossible to insure, and cost and arm and a leg to do so. I know that is a very dispassionate and unempathetic way to look at it, but it is something you absolutely HAVE to consider.
Next, is there a base near your home town? This is a perfect case for a compassionate re-assignment. If not a close by base, what about recruiting duty? If neither of those, what about a different base near better medical facilities (off the top of my head, anything in the DC area)?
Ultimately, this will be up to your chain of command and HRC. If your CoC supports a compassionate re-assignment (and I would suspect they will, as long as they believe you are an NCO worth keeping in the Army, but I cannot speak for them), and HRC supports a compassionate re-assignment, then you may be in luck.
Is your child enrolled in EFMP? If not, do so now! EFMP will make sure that any future assignments are either A) able to support your child's medical needs, or B) unaccompanied. (Obviously unaccompanied tours are less preferable, but they happen).
But, at the end of the day, you may not be able to get what you want right now. You may have to stick it out until re-enlistment time, and then angle for station of choice. If you do choose to get out, make sure you have a SOLID plan to care for your child emotional, physically, AND financially before making the leap.
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MAJ (Join to see)
I second SFC O'Mally's recommendation to finish the contract.
Yes, Reserve and NG have Tricare, but you pay monthly premium and appointment co-pays. This could add up quickly. You would have to have a very good paying civilian job to cover the cost of living plus medical expenses.
I understand it sucks to only see the family on weekends, but currently it sounds like you and the family are in the best situation. You have family support, a good case worker, medical care, and not to far from current assignment.
Yes, Reserve and NG have Tricare, but you pay monthly premium and appointment co-pays. This could add up quickly. You would have to have a very good paying civilian job to cover the cost of living plus medical expenses.
I understand it sucks to only see the family on weekends, but currently it sounds like you and the family are in the best situation. You have family support, a good case worker, medical care, and not to far from current assignment.
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SFC Casey O'Mally
SSG (Join to see) - I don't know your MOS or the AF Base, but... it is possible there MAY be Army positions there. For instance I was once assigned to Melbourne, FL. There was a tiny (7 enlisted, 1 officer, 1 contractor, 1 DA civilian) Army detachment in Melbourne, which is about 15 miles away from Patrick AFB. We lived on and were supported by Patrick AFB, even though we had Army jobs. (Eglin AFB also comes to mind - lots of joint positions there).
Don't get your hopes up, but don't necessarily rule it out either. It might be worth looking in to (Maybe start with a call to branch manager?).
Don't get your hopes up, but don't necessarily rule it out either. It might be worth looking in to (Maybe start with a call to branch manager?).
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SSG (Join to see)
Yeah i'm currently looking into that, thanks for the suggestion. These are all solid comments and gives me plenty to consider when I get the ball rolling my command. Thanks again everyone.
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CW4 Keith Dolliver
SSG (Join to see) - I think a compassionate reassignment might be one of your best options. Like SFC O'Mally said, I'm not sure what AFB you're talking about, but there are actually a decent number of AF bases with army units or detachments, also you might have the ability to get assigned to a joint command or COCOM. Examples I can think of, ARCENT is at Shaw AFB, CENTCOM and SOCOM are both at MacDill. If something like that doesn't work out, you could try getting to a major metropolitan location that will have good hospitals, like MDW (Washington DC), SOUTHCOM (Miami), Fort Hamilton (NYC), Fort Shafter (Honolulu). Lastly, there is are also possibilities to become an active duty augmentee to the Guard or Reserve. This would get you stationed at a Guard or Reserve base while remaining on Active Duty... cool opportunity, but usually not a good career move.
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You could definitely get a hardship discharge. You would be eligible to transfer into the Guard or Reserves which would provide somewhat affordable Healthcare. If your HOR is close to an Army base or recruiting battalion you might even qualify for a compassionate reassignment.
I would say that your most important obligation is to provide financial stability to your family. Before you go and separate from Active Duty you need to have a realistic understanding of how expensive your Tricare can become and how you will support your family. Tricare Reserve is not free, there are co-pays, and shared costs and most importantly, you need to know if there are Tricare Network providers who are taking new patients and can take your child. If you have to use an out of network provider you'll be paying about 25% of those costs.
If you support those costs and have the financial ability to support your family then the best choice for you may be to separate and join the Reserves. As for Recruiting duty, you could apply but there's a strong chance that the significant demands you have could prevent you from being approved for recruiting duty.
I would say that your most important obligation is to provide financial stability to your family. Before you go and separate from Active Duty you need to have a realistic understanding of how expensive your Tricare can become and how you will support your family. Tricare Reserve is not free, there are co-pays, and shared costs and most importantly, you need to know if there are Tricare Network providers who are taking new patients and can take your child. If you have to use an out of network provider you'll be paying about 25% of those costs.
If you support those costs and have the financial ability to support your family then the best choice for you may be to separate and join the Reserves. As for Recruiting duty, you could apply but there's a strong chance that the significant demands you have could prevent you from being approved for recruiting duty.
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SSG (Join to see)
Thanks for the reply and for explaining a little of the Tricare Reserve Select insurance situation. All solid advice and things I that I have not looked into yet. All this info gets the wheels turning and helps me make decisions.
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You love your job, and you love your family. In addition to your family challenges you have likely save a couple hundred thousand dollars based on surgeries. There aren’t a lot of insurances that will cover you and yours the way that the military does.
I cannot imagine the cost. Hopefully there is a balance for you and yours. There is a lot to contemplate. Have you thought about a recruiting stretch where your family is. This might provide you more time to come up with a workable solution.
I cannot imagine the cost. Hopefully there is a balance for you and yours. There is a lot to contemplate. Have you thought about a recruiting stretch where your family is. This might provide you more time to come up with a workable solution.
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SSG (Join to see)
Thanks for the reply, and your absolutely right. The military has done a lot to take care of my son financially. Recruiting seems to be one of the better options that I keep seeing people suggest. Again thanks for you time and input!
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