What is the funniest excuse a soldier has even given you?

Soldier fell asleep during class. So I banged the tin table with a helmet and soldier jumped up, scared the shit outta him. Yelled at him and asked why he was asleep. He said he was praying. I yelled at him more. He asked me, SGT., why do you hate God and he began to cry. Lol. I had to let him off. Was hilarious. One more. Csm silva walked into the bathroom at green ramp before a jump. We were all crapping. He asked for toilet paper. This guy next to him said, who are you? He said I'm sergeant major silva. SPC d said, well who's the sergeant major now. Lol. He made the CSM say, "you're the Sgm before he release some shit paper to him". When asked later why he did that to the Sgm, he said, I didn't know it was CSM silva. I thought whoever is was was just shitting me. He was already on the toilet.

We had a kid claim to be a vampire and tried to talk the medics into giving him a p-3 against the sun.he would bite his roommates at night and got the crap beat out of him many times, tried to hang up-side down in his wall closet until he slipped off the bar and damn near broke his neck! I believe the final straw was when he hid under his bed and refused to come out to formation and top had to go get him. Dont know what happened up there but from the screams I think top threw holy water on him.

Monday morning, in ranks inspection:
1Sgt-Turner, take off them sunglasses
Turner-No 1sgt
1Sgt-Are those prescription sunglasses?
Turner-No 1Sgt
1Sgt-Then take them off
Turner-Yes 1Sgt
1Sgt-Put those sunglasses back on.

Turner was missing only one eyebrow that had got shaved off when he passed out drunk at a party over the weekend.