What are some of your best Fort Benning stories?

I was on a night land course in OCS. Many of them traveled in twos which should not have occurred. I tackled the course by myself. I used terrain features and a pace count. I questioned my navigation because I saw nobody in the area. The moon was bright which silhouetted the ancient trees filled with hanging Spanish Moss. My route to a point indicated I had to cross a swamp. I looked at the swamp for 5 seconds and realized going into the swamp was such a stupid idea. I passed.

Jump School, first day we were told that the CO was selling Airborne T-shirts, $10.
The black hat said, "The Airborne T-Shirt" is not required to have or buy. But, if you didn't have one on for PT every morning, it was your problem.
* Food was real good, and you can eat as much as you want.
* Don't over eat, just like that LTC Colonel did with the apricots, we saw all those apricots all over the 5 mile run on the track. Then one day, we saw that same LTC laying on the track as we ran, he flunked out of Jump School.
* No matter how much pushups you have to do, and for what, it's all training that'll get team work, and discipline.
"All the Way, and Then Some"

I went to basic at Bravo 2/54, we were right down the hill (and across the parade ground) from the PX shoppette. Outside of that shoppette was 4 very well stocked vending machines that we'd noticed on our bi-weekly supply run our drill Sgts closely monitored for "unauthorized items." Myself and members of my platoon (my square ass battle buddy refused to take part) devised an operation to liberate all the good shit in those vending machines that we weren't allowed to have. We had previously learned to tie a swiss seat and felt that since our platoon didn't have the fire guard detail down at the desk in the formation area we had to figure another way to egress and infil our 2nd story barracks window. We grabbed our rope, went over the plan one more time and tied our seats. One of the guys apparently didn't pay attention to how you check that you're secure in your swiss seat. We clipped in and started our descent. Just as soon as we got our footing on that hard brownish brick of the building we heard a thud on the ground. The one guy hit hard! I was like oh fuck! Our drill Sgt is gonna catch us and smoke us so bad our future kids will be born in the front leaning rest! We whispered down, bro you good? All we heard was a groan and we said "yeah he's a good!" We low crawled to the parade ground and the sprinted across. We get to the vending machines and start feeling it bills. We filled up 5 pillow cases with sodas, candy, chips, cookies, crackers etc. The fuckin things didn't have a pack of life savers in them when we got done. We head back with the loot, this time taking a different route just in case we got someone's attention leaving we wanted to come through the opposite direction. Back at the window and our platoon mate was just recovering. His nose was bloody, knees scraped up and his eyes were black. I said damn bro you look fucked up! What you gonna tell the drill Sgts tomorrow?? He looks at us with a tilted grin and says "I'm gonna tell them that you forcefully raped me in the shower and when I complied you beat me harder because you're a freak nasty mother fucker!" We hooked our bags to the ropes and our "support" team hoisted it all up. Then the ropes come back down. We climb the ropes and our buddies pull us through the window. Except "chubbs" a very appropriate nick name couldn't ascend the ropes. I wishpered down, "damnit chubbs what the fuck were you thinking? You knew you couldn't climb the ropes on the confidence course, why do you think you'd be able to get up now?" His only reply " I get motivated for Snickers!" Man we couldn't leave him down there holding his dick looking stupid. After all, one of the main things they instill is that you don't leave anyone behind. But how, how were we gonna get this fat fucker up there? Me and another guy came up with it almost at the same time. Party boy! Off we went, down to the formation area where the guards from 2nd platoon we're writing letters home to their nasty snatch Susie, Mary rotten crotch and crying because they know that sport coat Jody, tank top tony, long sleeve Steve, and radiator hose Rodney have been banging their beloved E-1 private of a fuckup relationship future dependapottomus baby momma and wife. Me and Pvt. Green went down wearing nothing but war paint and our combat boots (black back then) and started doing the party boy dance from Jack ass, all close up on them and shit, dicks helicoptering trying to chase them around and grind on them. Those fuckers through their pens, writing pads everything they had at us and we chased them all over. Mean time 2 other guys are sneaking chubbs fat ass up stairs. Koo Koo kajoob sounded from the door way to the upstairs. We knew we were good to go. We get upstairs to a snack party. Hurry up and clean up fake like we're asleep and drag through the next day because we were up all night. Well, we thought we got away with it. Until one of our drill Sgts finds a fuckin jolly rancher wrapper. They conduct a "health inspection" and find the look everywhere, in the ceiling, in lockers, drawers, the shit was even stuffed into the VCR Infront of the drill Sgts office. Man.... We got smoked for 5 days straight! Then when we throught it was over the drill Sgt lines us up around 1800 on the parade ground and says "which 2 of you fuck sticks decided you were going to play male strippers and traumatize the guys from 2nd platoon?" Quickly green and I raised our hands. We tried to explain that it was a prank. The drill Sgt didn't think it was a funny prank. He decided that since we like to dance so much, that the whole platoon would probably like it too. As he played music he made me and Pvt. Green sit in chairs while we had to be in the middle of our platoon mates doing their best to mimic our dance moves that fateful night. Talking about uncomfortable! And the most fucked up part.... Chubbs big ass was the best fuckin dancer there! That chubby fucker had some moves! Great times, great memories. You hate it when you're going through it but when it's over and you look back you'd do it again in a heart beat. You don't make friends. These guys go through an experience so unique that you becomes brothers. I still talk to a majority of my buddies from basic. Most of us had option 40s so we went through most of all of our OSUT together. 2/3 of us that went on to be in a Ranger Bn. We're all together in 3/75. HOOAH! RLTW

The best times not on a Malone range was the three hour pass on Sunday to go to harmony church for three hours..hear some good news of what ever denomination you want to hear an then stuffing my face with pizza an candy bars while playing pool