Posted on Jan 11, 2015
Ten Commandments of the Plans Staff; which bugs you most? Which one are you?
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For anyone who ever served on a planning team or staff, of these Ten Commandments of the Plans Staff, which one is your favorite, or most often seen?
Which bugs you the most? Which do you disagree with? Which one are you?
(This refers to the School of Advanced Military Studies (SAMS) a lot, but my question is not only confined to those with that experience.)
1. Thou shalt not quote Clausewitz, Jomini, Sun Tzu, or that dude who sat next to you in SAMS. Nothing kills planning momentum quite like a quote from a dead Prussian. You might think it makes you look more intelligent, more insightful, or even well-read than your counterparts. It doesn't. It makes you look like a dumbass. It makes others want to throat punch you. Save the brilliant quotes for your Facebook page.
2. Thou shalt not describe a course of action as a “throwaway” in the presence of the commanding general. Creating “throwaway” courses of action is a monumental waste of time. Briefing one to the commanding general tells him (or her) that you don't value their time, either. Save yourself an uncomfortable and potentially catastrophic career moment and abstain from associating yourself or anyone else with a throwaway course of action.
3. Thou shalt not deliberately skip steps in the Military Decision Making Process, unless no one is paying attention. Unless you're a Jedi Knight, try to avoid skipping steps during any planning process. Processes exist for a reason, and no matter how painful they might be, it’s always a good idea to follow them through to their logical conclusion. There’s nothing worse than realizing at the eleventh hour that you really did need to wargame those courses of action before you briefed them to the commanding general.
4. Thou shalt not describe the battle staff as “intellectually challenged”. I get it, the battle staff is hard to deal with. They don't function at the same level as the planners and some of them are just plain slow. But here’s the rub: you need them. They do a lot of work for you that you really don't want to do yourself. If you think life sucks now, find out what it’s like if it’s just you and a couple of slide monkeys.
5. Thou shalt not refer to Air Defense Artillery as “recreational bug zappers”. Never mind, you can do this all you want. Nobody really cares, least of all the Air Defenders.
6. Thou shalt not consume Cheetos while building briefing slides in PowerPoint. Nothing gums up a printer faster than coffee, tobacco, and stale junk food. I know, it’s past midnight and you're in the midst of the battle staff version of the Mogadishu Mile. But you're tired, you're not firing on all cylinders. All it takes is greasy Cheetos fingerprints on a printer cartridge and you're going to be using flashcards to brief the commanding general. Remember, the sign in the SCIF says “No Food or Drink Allowed” for a reason.
7. Thou shalt not Blue Falcon the other planners by disappearing in the first thirty minutes of wargaming. Don’t even think about it. That stunt will follow you for years to come. I have friends who still talk about the Blue Falcons who disappeared during planning, leaving others to do the heavy mental lifting. And you know that the day will come when the Blue Falcons come crashing to ground in a pile of bloody feathers.
8. Thou shalt not name objectives after 80s porn stars, John Hughes movies, or characters from “Stripes”. A little insidious creativity goes long way during planning. And you can always sneak in a few fun details where only a select few are “in the know.” Always remember that discretion is the better part of valor. Your brilliant plan with all its clever idiosyncrasies could put you in a world of hurt from which you will never escape.
9. Thou shalt not compose the concept of the operation as a limerick. This is harder than you think, and a lot more fun than most people realize. No one will ever notice, but it takes a lot of time and some jackass will inevitably want to edit your English. So save that time to expend coming up with names for objective, routes, and other features of interest.
10. Thou shalt refer to rehearsals as “teaching ferrets to yodel.” When the smoke clears, the pizza boxes are cleared away, and the Cheetos cleaned out of the laser printer, all that’s left is the rehearsal. There is no better way to describe the rehearsal process than “teaching ferrets to yodel.” Let’s just leave it at that.
Which bugs you the most? Which do you disagree with? Which one are you?
(This refers to the School of Advanced Military Studies (SAMS) a lot, but my question is not only confined to those with that experience.)
1. Thou shalt not quote Clausewitz, Jomini, Sun Tzu, or that dude who sat next to you in SAMS. Nothing kills planning momentum quite like a quote from a dead Prussian. You might think it makes you look more intelligent, more insightful, or even well-read than your counterparts. It doesn't. It makes you look like a dumbass. It makes others want to throat punch you. Save the brilliant quotes for your Facebook page.
2. Thou shalt not describe a course of action as a “throwaway” in the presence of the commanding general. Creating “throwaway” courses of action is a monumental waste of time. Briefing one to the commanding general tells him (or her) that you don't value their time, either. Save yourself an uncomfortable and potentially catastrophic career moment and abstain from associating yourself or anyone else with a throwaway course of action.
3. Thou shalt not deliberately skip steps in the Military Decision Making Process, unless no one is paying attention. Unless you're a Jedi Knight, try to avoid skipping steps during any planning process. Processes exist for a reason, and no matter how painful they might be, it’s always a good idea to follow them through to their logical conclusion. There’s nothing worse than realizing at the eleventh hour that you really did need to wargame those courses of action before you briefed them to the commanding general.
4. Thou shalt not describe the battle staff as “intellectually challenged”. I get it, the battle staff is hard to deal with. They don't function at the same level as the planners and some of them are just plain slow. But here’s the rub: you need them. They do a lot of work for you that you really don't want to do yourself. If you think life sucks now, find out what it’s like if it’s just you and a couple of slide monkeys.
5. Thou shalt not refer to Air Defense Artillery as “recreational bug zappers”. Never mind, you can do this all you want. Nobody really cares, least of all the Air Defenders.
6. Thou shalt not consume Cheetos while building briefing slides in PowerPoint. Nothing gums up a printer faster than coffee, tobacco, and stale junk food. I know, it’s past midnight and you're in the midst of the battle staff version of the Mogadishu Mile. But you're tired, you're not firing on all cylinders. All it takes is greasy Cheetos fingerprints on a printer cartridge and you're going to be using flashcards to brief the commanding general. Remember, the sign in the SCIF says “No Food or Drink Allowed” for a reason.
7. Thou shalt not Blue Falcon the other planners by disappearing in the first thirty minutes of wargaming. Don’t even think about it. That stunt will follow you for years to come. I have friends who still talk about the Blue Falcons who disappeared during planning, leaving others to do the heavy mental lifting. And you know that the day will come when the Blue Falcons come crashing to ground in a pile of bloody feathers.
8. Thou shalt not name objectives after 80s porn stars, John Hughes movies, or characters from “Stripes”. A little insidious creativity goes long way during planning. And you can always sneak in a few fun details where only a select few are “in the know.” Always remember that discretion is the better part of valor. Your brilliant plan with all its clever idiosyncrasies could put you in a world of hurt from which you will never escape.
9. Thou shalt not compose the concept of the operation as a limerick. This is harder than you think, and a lot more fun than most people realize. No one will ever notice, but it takes a lot of time and some jackass will inevitably want to edit your English. So save that time to expend coming up with names for objective, routes, and other features of interest.
10. Thou shalt refer to rehearsals as “teaching ferrets to yodel.” When the smoke clears, the pizza boxes are cleared away, and the Cheetos cleaned out of the laser printer, all that’s left is the rehearsal. There is no better way to describe the rehearsal process than “teaching ferrets to yodel.” Let’s just leave it at that.
Planner
Posted 10 y ago
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Great article. I wasn't going to comment, LTC (Join to see), but it's been five days so I'll go ahead and say that the article contains some truths. I saw some of what is described when I served at the Pentagon, as a DA civilian.
On the other hand, some of the "commandments" in that article don't really apply in the Pentagon. Where I worked, in an Army G-3 planning division, SAMS grads were the leaders and not frowned upon.
Some of it's obviously tongue-in-cheek, and it was entertaining and interesting to read. Thanks for sharing, sir.
On the other hand, some of the "commandments" in that article don't really apply in the Pentagon. Where I worked, in an Army G-3 planning division, SAMS grads were the leaders and not frowned upon.
Some of it's obviously tongue-in-cheek, and it was entertaining and interesting to read. Thanks for sharing, sir.
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