Posted on Nov 13, 2022
Is it possible to drop SA charges you have against your spouse? (Dual military)?
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Everywhere I’ve gone to look I can’t find any info. I need to know if there’s any way I can drop charges against my husband.. I want to give our marriage a chance. Please try to be unbiased and please no judgement…
Sexual Assault Response Coordinator (SARC)
SHARP
Sexual Harassment
Dual Military
Posted 2 y ago
Responses: 6
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SGT (Join to see), The devil is in the details here. You state the SA happened 3 years ago. If this was military, it would have been adjudicated by now. If this was civilian, you would just call the precinct the charges were filed in.
Not judging your desire to forgive and reconcile your marriage, but are you sure you want to rekindle a relationship with someone who sexually assaulted you to the point that you filed charges? Especially given that you are seeking to remove the punitive aspect of committing an illegal and immoral act?
Being that you are both military servicemembers, the optics are horrendous. What happens if you are assaulted again? Would they take you as seriously? What if it isn't simple assault next time? I get the idea of forgiveness, but some things you don't take chances with; like your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. I have never seen these things work out in the long run. No one here should judge you, but we all care about the well-being of all our Soldiers.
Not judging your desire to forgive and reconcile your marriage, but are you sure you want to rekindle a relationship with someone who sexually assaulted you to the point that you filed charges? Especially given that you are seeking to remove the punitive aspect of committing an illegal and immoral act?
Being that you are both military servicemembers, the optics are horrendous. What happens if you are assaulted again? Would they take you as seriously? What if it isn't simple assault next time? I get the idea of forgiveness, but some things you don't take chances with; like your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. I have never seen these things work out in the long run. No one here should judge you, but we all care about the well-being of all our Soldiers.
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Who filed the charges? Where were the charges filed? If on base, talk with the MPs, CID and JAG. If off base, talk with the police department and DA's office.
If your husband sexually assaulted you, why would you want to give your marriage another chance? If your husband did NOT sexually assault you, why are there SA charges?
If your husband sexually assaulted you, why would you want to give your marriage another chance? If your husband did NOT sexually assault you, why are there SA charges?
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SFC (Join to see)
SGT (Join to see) why are these only charges if it's been three years? One would assume these are convictions by now
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SFC Kelly Fuerhoff
SGT (Join to see) - A mistake is forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning or forgetting an appointment. Sexual assault is a choice. It's not a mistake.
How are there still charges 3 years later? I have never seen a SA case continue this long. The only thing you can do is not cooperate with the investigation and if you're the only witness they'll probably drop it if there's no other evidence. If this is in a civilian court, I can't believe that they haven't held a trial yet. But the only person who can dismiss the charges is the prosecutor who filed them. Individuals do not file charges - a DA or county attorney does.
Look I gave my ex husband chances after he assaulted me during meth rages..it's no excuse but he's never been violent sober and I used to believe the bs of addiction being a disease. If he had ever sexually assaulted me - that's another level of violence that someone is in a very dark place when they do it.
It's your life - but at this point I have no idea why this case is still ongoing. You do you - but if you haven't gotten any counseling please go talk to a SARC and find resources and talk to someone. You may think you're past it but this stuff can bite you in the ass when you least expect it.
How are there still charges 3 years later? I have never seen a SA case continue this long. The only thing you can do is not cooperate with the investigation and if you're the only witness they'll probably drop it if there's no other evidence. If this is in a civilian court, I can't believe that they haven't held a trial yet. But the only person who can dismiss the charges is the prosecutor who filed them. Individuals do not file charges - a DA or county attorney does.
Look I gave my ex husband chances after he assaulted me during meth rages..it's no excuse but he's never been violent sober and I used to believe the bs of addiction being a disease. If he had ever sexually assaulted me - that's another level of violence that someone is in a very dark place when they do it.
It's your life - but at this point I have no idea why this case is still ongoing. You do you - but if you haven't gotten any counseling please go talk to a SARC and find resources and talk to someone. You may think you're past it but this stuff can bite you in the ass when you least expect it.
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SFC (Join to see)
SGT (Join to see) - I would say based on the comments, there's nobody here judging you, they just seem genuinely concerned for your overall well-being.
I agree with SFC Kelly Fuerhoff in that you can't drop the charges as you press charges against someone after filing a complaint against that person, then the DA looks at everything and determines if they have enough to file the charges and push for punishment of some sort (typically, if they think it can't make it in a trial, they won't push for continuing with the charges) then they will. The issue with the civilian side is, if they feel they have enough evidence to proceed without your cooperation they can, and sometimes have. They have a vested interest in ensuring the general population of whom they are responsible remain safe.
The theory on their part could be that what's to stop him from getting drunk and having enough wherewithal to know that coming at you is not going to end well for him so he goes somewhere else and assaults someone else. It sounds far fetched but in all honesty, it's not outside the realm of possibilities.
I will say that I hope that he has gotten the help he needs and has begun the hard road to recovery for his alcohol addiction as well as recognizing what he did to you and seeking help to ensure he understands why that happened (drunk or not, he had a reason for doing it that isn't as simple as he was just aroused and you said no) and how to prevent it from being a thing he does again. I also hope that you are seeking counseling to deal with the emotions from that event and are working towards healing. There are lots of options through the military as well as the civilian sector that can help and provide support for you in this difficult journey.
I agree with SFC Kelly Fuerhoff in that you can't drop the charges as you press charges against someone after filing a complaint against that person, then the DA looks at everything and determines if they have enough to file the charges and push for punishment of some sort (typically, if they think it can't make it in a trial, they won't push for continuing with the charges) then they will. The issue with the civilian side is, if they feel they have enough evidence to proceed without your cooperation they can, and sometimes have. They have a vested interest in ensuring the general population of whom they are responsible remain safe.
The theory on their part could be that what's to stop him from getting drunk and having enough wherewithal to know that coming at you is not going to end well for him so he goes somewhere else and assaults someone else. It sounds far fetched but in all honesty, it's not outside the realm of possibilities.
I will say that I hope that he has gotten the help he needs and has begun the hard road to recovery for his alcohol addiction as well as recognizing what he did to you and seeking help to ensure he understands why that happened (drunk or not, he had a reason for doing it that isn't as simple as he was just aroused and you said no) and how to prevent it from being a thing he does again. I also hope that you are seeking counseling to deal with the emotions from that event and are working towards healing. There are lots of options through the military as well as the civilian sector that can help and provide support for you in this difficult journey.
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Legally I am not even going to try to answer your question, just stating what I know. Most likely your husband having done this once, if you drop the charges (if you can) he got away with something he shouldn't have, he'll probably do it again. My comment comes from seeing things like this happen in the past. Being drunk is no excuse. If he can't handle alcohol, he has no business consuming it. I understand you wanting to make your marriage work. Is it worth the risk? It's your life and you won't like what I am about to say but if I were you, I'd go the other way and get on with your life without him. No woman deserves that kind of treatment, even once. I do wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.
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