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I had to do many months of counseling and anti-depressants until I eventually needed neither. I still occasionally have periods of melancholy, but I've learned to involve myself in some activity that takes my mind off of "memories". However, I still cannot comfortably sit anywhere that my back is not against a wall and anywhere I go I do an unconscious threat assessment of my surroundings and plan out quick egresses as if a firefight might occur. Not sure that behavior will ever go away, but I am generally calmer and I find that doing nice things for people, particularly strangers, aids me in relaxing.
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I honor the soldiers who came before me and never give in. I live as a child for glimpses of pure joy. I put others before myself because my support comes from my family. I try, I keep on, I search for the truth. I challenge myself and give it all that I can because I'm still proud of where I come from and that grand ol' flag.
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I attempted suicide (it was an epic fail, but the point is, I didn't tell anyone, I just went ahead & did it, thankfully I failed, but I had every intention of taking that way out).
Now I'm on medication & regular counseling, as well as service dog support for going out in public as well as at my side all the time. My previous service dog just passed away in October, we'd been together 11 1/2 years ... my new service dog in training, isn't ready for public access yet, so I am once again feeling limited in my accessibility options.
I have to keep reminding myself to reach out for help if I start sliding down that dark path again, & trust in family & friends as I struggle through the latest adjustment to my PTSD survival battle.
Now I'm on medication & regular counseling, as well as service dog support for going out in public as well as at my side all the time. My previous service dog just passed away in October, we'd been together 11 1/2 years ... my new service dog in training, isn't ready for public access yet, so I am once again feeling limited in my accessibility options.
I have to keep reminding myself to reach out for help if I start sliding down that dark path again, & trust in family & friends as I struggle through the latest adjustment to my PTSD survival battle.
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Pills don't work and the side effects are like shopping spree receipts while the benefits were short if they existed at all.
Turned to physical fitness , in way, way greater shape(mentally not just physically.
But if you're asking how I coped with the worst part of it all, was marijuana. Got my med card in California and looked up smart consumption so I don't over do it Really can't seem to stress that part enough.
Bottling it in doesn't work, I pictured attaching a forehose to a coke bottle and letting It go full blast, once the water(your pain,guilt, unstable and un compromising nightmares) hit the bottle(ur body mind and life) either the fire hose was going to give up or the bottle. Just didn't make sense to me to keep it all in. Marijuana helped me open to family and other veterans by breaking the feeling of isolation or self imposed barrier we put up thinking it's protecting ourselves, or the worst lie; the ones u love.but I'm Talking about the ones who care about you for you.
Then the physical fitness kicked in and created a positive domino affect. Such as less drinking, less isolation, no nightmares where I hit the person next to me in my sleep.
Turned to physical fitness , in way, way greater shape(mentally not just physically.
But if you're asking how I coped with the worst part of it all, was marijuana. Got my med card in California and looked up smart consumption so I don't over do it Really can't seem to stress that part enough.
Bottling it in doesn't work, I pictured attaching a forehose to a coke bottle and letting It go full blast, once the water(your pain,guilt, unstable and un compromising nightmares) hit the bottle(ur body mind and life) either the fire hose was going to give up or the bottle. Just didn't make sense to me to keep it all in. Marijuana helped me open to family and other veterans by breaking the feeling of isolation or self imposed barrier we put up thinking it's protecting ourselves, or the worst lie; the ones u love.but I'm Talking about the ones who care about you for you.
Then the physical fitness kicked in and created a positive domino affect. Such as less drinking, less isolation, no nightmares where I hit the person next to me in my sleep.
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PV2 Violet Case
Cpl Aaron Howard. My in home nurse and I was just talking about that. They said they were going to legalize it in MN and the nurse said it would probably take me off 3 of my meds. But have not heard anymore on it. Your right they seem to want us over medicated. Also agree not to hold it inside.
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Cpl Aaron Howard
It's helped a lot. I find smoking helps me more. Did my research and sativa is the way to go mid day Or hybrid strains. And then use indica at night. Studies have shown u don't dream when on it Or less often. Ever since I started I don't have any dreams.
And I got into gardening(marijuana) was therapeutic to watch the plants come alive because of my care. Kept me busy.
I can not stress tap ng it real easy when you start out. Ppl my age or older think back to the 70-90s wasn't anything. The stuff ppl grow now a days is crazy strong compared to then. DO NOT over do it on edibles especially. That reporter freak out is real but avoidable long as u ask the dispensary for proper first time usage.
G.l brother/sister
Even if this road doesn't Work out and you fall , you at least fell. In the right direction. It's up to you if be stronger Not just for yourself but you family and friends.
And I got into gardening(marijuana) was therapeutic to watch the plants come alive because of my care. Kept me busy.
I can not stress tap ng it real easy when you start out. Ppl my age or older think back to the 70-90s wasn't anything. The stuff ppl grow now a days is crazy strong compared to then. DO NOT over do it on edibles especially. That reporter freak out is real but avoidable long as u ask the dispensary for proper first time usage.
G.l brother/sister
Even if this road doesn't Work out and you fall , you at least fell. In the right direction. It's up to you if be stronger Not just for yourself but you family and friends.
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I was diagnosed with PTSD in 1996, 25 years after Vietnam. My wife and friends told me for months to go get help before I did. Never had heard the word PTSD. When I looked it up I said "oh, that explains all these years." After 20 years now I would say education and accountability. Learn the tools to cope. The veteran in his response said he rode a bike. good choice. Find a group where you can be honest about what is happening and why. A group who will accept you at face value, not judge you but will walk with you through the fire. It does not have to be a veteran group or a VA group (though some of those are good) but a group who will love you in spite of yourself and who you can also help in return by simply listening, responding honestly and being there for them as a friend. It takes time but does get better.
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For the longest time I didn'tdeal with me issues. I ignored the problem for so long that it was physically affecting me. I couldn't go any where without being sick. I was throwing up almost every day. Now I talk with a social worker mainly about what's going on around me and I started taking meds for my PTSD. I take Hydroxyzine Pamoate 3 times a day. It's been almost a month sence I throw up. My quality of life is so much better. I get out of the house and do what ever I want now. I did put on weight about 15-20 lbs in the first 3 weeks but it's starting to come back off now.
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Unfortunately, (or should I say fortunately) I'm dealing with it now, 7 years after retirement. Without going into detail, I slowly spiraled myself into a situation that I couldn't see or recognize really didn't exist, though it existed in my world... Fortunately, the arresting officer "noticed" something about me and actually spoke with me at great length. He made me promise to get help and assisted me in getting the help I needed (was in a strong denial phase at that time). And yes, the officer was a VETERAN who went through this as well some time ago. (He still had to charge me though... LOL!) As supervisors, we are "trained" to notice signs and symptoms of PTSD, depression, etc. and many of us have even briefed/lectured/taught our own troops about it... But I can tell you, what I read/briefed/lectured WAS NOTHING compared to what I was actually going through... I've been scared many times in my life, but I have never been afraid of anything until that moment of clarity when I realized I had no clue of the path I traveled that brought to that point... Yes, to me the words, "scared" and "afraid" are two totally different words with totally different meanings in my world... Looking back now, I realized that everyone thought I was getting better... that "I'm doing just fine"... That "It's just something that Vets go through; let him be and he'll be ok"... I wasn't getting better, I just got better at hiding it... Most times? Unintentionally... The pharmacy and the VA Clinic know my name now, which still makes me a little uncomfortable... I quit drinking and I attend clinical group counselings weekly AND I am glad that someone did notice... And I'm glad I can see where I'm going and from whence I came... From one Vet to another... If someone brings it up to you, consider it, and get help... If you're the one bringing it up? Then follow-up... Sometimes others really can see the changes in you, no matter how hard you try to hide it...
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Kayak fishing. Actually spend half the time fishing, the other half floating with my feet propped up. Group called Heroes on the Water has chapters all over the country. Good folk.
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don't sleep maybe 2,4 hrs a night any longer it bring the dreams. I don't want that. don't drink any more almost killed a guy when I was drunk. spend most of my time alone, I don't want to hurt anyone. just learning to deal with it I now can tell when I'm about to go off and just leave the area until I calm down. those are the good days. bad days well I'd rather not say
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