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Hello, my people! I was recently asked to provide input on an NCOER we're writing for an E-6 who recently transferred to our shop. His losing unit did not write him an outgoing NCOER, so of course it falls on us to pick up the pieces.
The losing unit sang his praises, offering gushing adoration for this guy. But when we pressed them for bullets, they were unable to come up with anything concrete. Their failure to point to specific accomplishments more or less matches our observation of him.
He's a guy that would probably do well if we still had SP6 as a rank. So when my counterpart (his new rater) asked for bullets, this was my tongue-in-cheek reply:
* Can successfully inhale and exhale in sequence without supervision
* Routinely laces boots without causing loss of circulation to feet
* Surfs social media on his cellphone better than any other E-6 I've observed
* Maintains steady temperature in whatever chair he is occupying
So I thought I'd throw this topic out to all of you. Any humorous evaluation comments you've seen, or wish you could've included in writing one? Please share!
The losing unit sang his praises, offering gushing adoration for this guy. But when we pressed them for bullets, they were unable to come up with anything concrete. Their failure to point to specific accomplishments more or less matches our observation of him.
He's a guy that would probably do well if we still had SP6 as a rank. So when my counterpart (his new rater) asked for bullets, this was my tongue-in-cheek reply:
* Can successfully inhale and exhale in sequence without supervision
* Routinely laces boots without causing loss of circulation to feet
* Surfs social media on his cellphone better than any other E-6 I've observed
* Maintains steady temperature in whatever chair he is occupying
So I thought I'd throw this topic out to all of you. Any humorous evaluation comments you've seen, or wish you could've included in writing one? Please share!
Humor
Evaluations
NCOER
OER
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 401
476
476
0
Best comment I ever read on a performance review looked like this:
"There is no National emergency, real or imagined, that merits retention of this member."
"There is no National emergency, real or imagined, that merits retention of this member."
(476)
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Sgt Dale Briggs
Ouch, must be incredibly worthless, how did they get thru boot tells a lot about boot.
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271
271
0
This is real... I read them... Not mine luckily... Both LTs...
1. Attempts to lead by example, and often succeeds.
2. This officer should consider a management position in the fast food industry.
Both left the Army as LTs...
1. Attempts to lead by example, and often succeeds.
2. This officer should consider a management position in the fast food industry.
Both left the Army as LTs...
(271)
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SPC Steven Nihipali
PO1 Chad Alcock - go medic! LMAO! That sucks, but damn... cheaten ass wife couldn't get her shit off on him? I know this happens a shit ton all around the military, but damn man, that lady gotta be in her mid 30's or that young kid.
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PO1 Chad Alcock
SPC Steven Nihipali - He was actually an older SPC. So not much younger than the CO.
(1)
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Sgt Diane Rasar
After serving 2 years at Travis AFB in California, I was volunteered to go to Budget school in Texas. After graduation I was transferred to Hamilton AFB, also in California. When I came up for promotion it was discovered I had no performance evaluations for 2 1/2 years. So my commander told me to write my own evaluations - all 7 of them. I must have written good ones because I got promoted. I think it was harder to write my own rather than someone else's. NOTE: There is no curse words in my story. I always told people who cursed there are over 160,000 words in the dictionary, pick one.
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SP5 Elbert Eller
I hated doing my own evaluations both army and civilian. Always wondered if I was being to good or to bad on myself.
(1)
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232
232
0
113
113
0
Here are my top three most memorable bullets that I have encountered:
3. SSG ____ has the tenacity of a badger.
2. 1LT ____ could complicate a one-car funeral procession.
1. SFC ____ presents the most compelling argument yet for the immediate reimplementation of
the advanced Specialist Rank Structure.
3. SSG ____ has the tenacity of a badger.
2. 1LT ____ could complicate a one-car funeral procession.
1. SFC ____ presents the most compelling argument yet for the immediate reimplementation of
the advanced Specialist Rank Structure.
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110
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During my short stint as a 42A, part of my job was to review every NCOER that came through the BN, prior to the BN CSM reviewing them.
One of the funniest/most pathetic bullets I ever saw was, "o Did not get arrested on or off post during this rating period."
That said it all about that "NCO"
One of the funniest/most pathetic bullets I ever saw was, "o Did not get arrested on or off post during this rating period."
That said it all about that "NCO"
(110)
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107
107
0
One of my Majors showed me his first OER when he was a LT.
Bullet read:
Would best serve the United States Army by resigning his Commission"
I was laughing my butt off!!!
Yet he made MAJ!!!!
Bullet read:
Would best serve the United States Army by resigning his Commission"
I was laughing my butt off!!!
Yet he made MAJ!!!!
(107)
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1SG (Join to see)
SGT Sean Wike - I can hear the Platoon net now " two this is one, where are you going?, this is two wait one, BREAK BREAK!! This is four he's LIMA LIMA MIKE FOXTROT, follow me. LOL
(2)
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SSgt Boyd Herrst
MAJ (Join to see) maybe the rarer was worried that someday he could end up saluting that officer at a way later date..
(0)
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SSG Eric Blue
Don't worry, CSM. I guaran-damn-tee THAT particular officer IS NOT the only one to receive that comment (or one like it) and still make it to O-4. I've served with a number of them. One of them got relieved of command for causing his entire unit to contract frostbite and he made Major last time I saw him.
(0)
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106
106
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When I was the NCOIC of the XVIII Airborne Corps IG, Inspections Br. I used to get into some heated discussions (arguments) with our Boss, the IG (Full Bird Colonel); Of course my being a bit on the overbearing side when it came to standing up for my inspectors and their write ups after some very thorough root-cause analysis and refusing to change their write ups because our Boss had been pals with many of the Commanders for the units that we inspected; Our conversat6ions were not typical E8 to O6 Yes Sir/No Sir moments. So when my 1st NCOER came due the best comment I saw on it was:
- Extremely outspoken with unvarnished candor
I thought it was great...and accurate!
- Extremely outspoken with unvarnished candor
I thought it was great...and accurate!
(106)
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SSG(P) (Join to see)
I’m upset I didn’t get that bullet, mine read, “courageously speaks her mind.” There was something else I don’t remember. But I thought it was the nicest way I had ever been called a loudmouth.
(4)
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CPO William Hunteman
CPT Melanie Ryan - HEH HEH HEH....my daughter and my 16 YO son picked up on that comment, and neither have been in....:)
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79
79
0
Cannot be trusted to do anything right at anytime
Was caught selling APFT insurance
Promote to Civilian now
What this NCO could not steal from supply he requisitioned and had delivered to his home address.
NCO caught for driving automobile during run event of APFT
Promote to MSG (Soldier's rank is already MSG)
SOLDIER IS VERY HONORABLE EVEN THOUGH THE SOLDIER SHOPLIFTED AT A LOCAL STORE.
Being lazy is one of the Soldier's good points
Was caught selling APFT insurance
Promote to Civilian now
What this NCO could not steal from supply he requisitioned and had delivered to his home address.
NCO caught for driving automobile during run event of APFT
Promote to MSG (Soldier's rank is already MSG)
SOLDIER IS VERY HONORABLE EVEN THOUGH THE SOLDIER SHOPLIFTED AT A LOCAL STORE.
Being lazy is one of the Soldier's good points
(79)
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CW4 (Join to see)
I like the one about, "NCO caught for driving automobile during run event of APFT". I have truly seen this before. Keeping in mind, maybe the NCO was a road guard of some sort or safety guards (if there is such thing as this), I do not know, but they sure were not taking the APFT.
(0)
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0
I got your six on this! Being a bonafide Yeoman and a part of a Navy Yeoman (verification required also) group on Facebook I can literally bring actual eval write-ups all day. However, here are just a few of the most recent that were submitted to Admin offices around the Fleet...
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PO1 (Join to see)
Ah Monday is over and now here is a little tidbit to get you through the Tuesday hump and sliding into that 96....
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays RP Family!!!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays RP Family!!!
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MAJ John Adams
Once upon a time, back when the Army published a pamphlet with guidelines and suggestions on how to write an OER, the phrase, "This officer is STUD!" was actually presented as an appropriate positive remark. Of course, also during those days, any officer whose OER wasn't in the high 190's (rater and endorser) was on the way out at the Army's first opportunity. A captain with an OER less than 200 was considered a loser, to be eliminated ASAP.
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I love reading these types of things. I remember one that was like "This one seems to open their mouth rather infrequently, though only to change feet." hahaha
And of course there is always the pure LT directed comment "His men will follow him anywhere he leads them... though only out of morbid shock and curiosity" hahaha
edit: and thanks for this... I am now googling and searching for more to split my sides... i will report back if I find any gold nuggets
“Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.”
“He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
“When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
“A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
“Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
“Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.”
haha. I found these about instructors...
"This class was a religious experience for me... I had to take it all on faith."
"The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."
"His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame."
"Textbook is confusing... Someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."
"In class I learn I can fudge answers and get away with it."
"Keep lecturer or tenure board will be shot."
"The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
"Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."
"Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing -- it's a great stress reliever."
"He is one of the best teachers I have had... He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."
"I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."
"He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."
"This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"Most of us spent the 1st 3 weeks terrified of the class. Then solidarity kicked in."
"TA steadily improved throughout the course... I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
"Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose -- spraying in all directions -- no way to stop it."
"What's the quality of the text? `Text is printed on high quality paper.'"
"The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam."
ahahahahahahahahahahaha
And of course there is always the pure LT directed comment "His men will follow him anywhere he leads them... though only out of morbid shock and curiosity" hahaha
edit: and thanks for this... I am now googling and searching for more to split my sides... i will report back if I find any gold nuggets
“Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.”
“He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
“When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
“A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
“Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
“Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.”
haha. I found these about instructors...
"This class was a religious experience for me... I had to take it all on faith."
"The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."
"His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame."
"Textbook is confusing... Someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."
"In class I learn I can fudge answers and get away with it."
"Keep lecturer or tenure board will be shot."
"The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
"Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."
"Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing -- it's a great stress reliever."
"He is one of the best teachers I have had... He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."
"I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."
"He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."
"This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"Most of us spent the 1st 3 weeks terrified of the class. Then solidarity kicked in."
"TA steadily improved throughout the course... I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
"Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose -- spraying in all directions -- no way to stop it."
"What's the quality of the text? `Text is printed on high quality paper.'"
"The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam."
ahahahahahahahahahahaha
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SFC Ralph E Kelley
“The soldiers came to his course of instruction with no skills and left with less.”
(3)
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