Posted on Feb 21, 2014
PO3 Account Management Specialist
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Were any of you married young? Say, under the age of 25 or less than 4 years in the service?<div><br></div><div>In the very short 4 years I was in the service, I saw lots of marriages.... and divorces..... many by the same people. Ladies on my ship had 2 or 3 names and it was a matter of remember which one to call them one week to the next (maybe that's a SLIGHT exaggeration, but not by much.)</div><div><br></div><div>One of my young sorority sisters joined the navy a year ago in January. She worked her tush off for over a year before she was finally able to ship out. She was a nuke. All she wanted was to join the navy, be a nuke, have a career and make something of her life. She had some pretty crummy relationships and swore up and down she wanted nothing to do with boys for a few years until she could get her life on track.</div><div><br></div><div>1 year later, after graduating boot camp, and sitting at THU for 3-4 months, for background investigation and medical reasons, she was finally cleared as fit for duty and allowed to go to nuke school. During that time, she met a boy. In January, she flunked out of nuke school (much to her delight, she said it was too much drama and BS). Said boy got engaged and married in a 2 week period back in January and today she announced that she is pregnant.</div><div><br></div><div>Good job sweetheart. Way to ensure that you won't be shipped to the fleet undesignated since you couldn't focus in school and keep that dream career you always wanted. And way to ensure that (right now) you wont be placed on a different ship than your hubby.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm so disgusted and disappointed in/for her. Disappointed in her because she has literally done the exact opposite of everything she said she wanted out of the navy. She even said that she would get out of the navy if it meant not having to be on opposite deployment schedules from her hubby. So much for that dream career - sounds like you wanted and MRS instead. Disappointed FOR her because she has no idea what she's gotten herself into.</div><div><br></div><div>I so hope that she's doesn't become a statistic :(</div><div><br></div><div>This isn't an uncommon thing. I feel like it's much more common in the military than not due to the benefits. Maybe I'm just cynical, though.</div><div><br></div><div>Please.... somebody give me a positive young military marriage story. Did you get married young? If so, are you still together? How long? Do you have kids? Do you have a NORMAL FUNCTIONAL family life? I know there are some... but I have to be honest, I didn't know of many while I was in. That's another contributing factor to why I didn't make it a career. I decided that based on what I saw, there was no way I would ever be able to have a normal family life. I did, however, marry my military sweetheart - 2 months after he separated from the service (I was 26, he was 29 at the time, we've been married over 6 years now). He, unfortunately, was a young statistic, and I'm his second (and last, if I have anything to say about it!).</div><div><br></div><div>This is why that locality allowance based on rank and rank alone (and not family dependents) should be enacted. BAH is BS, and I've always thought it was a really bad use of taxpayer dollars to give young smucks extra money just because they got married or knocked up. You wanna get married or knocked up? Civillian jobs don't pay you more just because your family situation changes. Why should the military? Medical benefits are one thing, but paycheck in the form of BAH? Bah humbug.</div><div><br></div><div>Pardon my negative nelly attitude tonight. I'm really really disappointed in my friend, and I'm very frustrated. Nothing I can do about it, and doesn't really affect me, so I know I shouldn't care. But I do.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>
Posted in these groups: Rings MarriageC92a59d8 Family
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SFC Recruiter
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It's good to see positive marital stories when all to often it is the opposite of what we are hearing. I guess I would rate my story up there as another success story. I met my wife in basic training. She was in a different company, but we met at a security briefing that we had to attend because if our MOS. When we graduated basic we went to AIT and boy did we hate each other. At the next phase of AIT we ended up out together one night before her birthday and the stars aligned. This April we will have been married 10 years. When we got married neither one of us had been in the Army more than 2 years. We have 2 kids and have been through our ups and downs, but at the end of the day it's about remembering why we love each other. She is my better half. To young people reading this, marriage is a second full time job. If you give up, so will she/he. However, if you work at new ways to keep the spark alive, than it's one of the best steps you can ever make.
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SSG Christopher Freeman
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I got married when I was 22 and had just over 4 years in. 3 years later and we are married, have a daughter, and have one on the way. Life is good
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CPT Catherine R.
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Met my hubby in May 2000 (ages 22 and 28), got married in October 2000. It's been 13.5 years, we have 4 kids and are still happily married.
It can be done!
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SFC Shift Supervisor
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I had just been in the Army for a year when I met my wife in 1984.  I was 19 years old.  She was an Army brat.  Her father had served in the Army for 23 years and she knew what to expect when marrying me. We were married in Novemeber 1985.  I had been through multiple deployemnts.  I left the Army for 10 years, and if it wasn't for her encouragement, I would not be where I am today.  I returned to active duty in 2002 (one of the best decision we have ever made).  Knowing more deployements were ahead, she was still very happy being back in military life.  We have raised three great children, with one of them having served for 4 years, and another one about to join the military.  We have had great times and tough times, but we knew no matter what, it is a commitment.  We have traveled many places together, seen many things, and met a lot of great people.  I look back now and smile knowing, marrying her was also one of the best decision I have ever made.   She has always been there behind me and beside me.  Soon, it will be ready to retire.  I know it will be a sad day for her and I when I do, but she will always be there for me, as I will be for her.
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CPT Richard Riley
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Since you want a positive story, even though this is somewhat dated, My Father-in-law married at the age of 20 in his first enlistment in the Navy. Through Korea, Vietnam, and the ready reserves and their marriage lasted over 50 years. They had 3 kids, went through multiple ports, yet managed to stay together & joined at the hip for all those years. While they were both alive it was just about impossible to see one without the other. Was it a 'different time' yes, but the basics were the same, the marriage stresses were similar. Have to hand it to them and appreciate that 'til death do us part' was factual for them - and a real promise they made one another. Wish I could say the same applied to me, but I had to make a mis-step before marrying his daughter. We've been together for over 21 years & 6 kids later we're still an item. Love her to death & would not trade her for anything!

What I've learned over those years is to be happy and satisfied with what I have, because even if the grass 'looks greener' somewhere else, it still has weeds, has to be cared for and nurtured, and takes work on both sides to be viable.
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PO1 Ricky Allen
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Edited >1 y ago
I got married during my second tour of duty. I laid out to my now wife my foundation of who I am, where I'm going, and how I'm getting there. In fact, I gave her an "out", because I didn't want to waste her time or mine with a long drawn out relationship.

Remember, this is Rota Spain we're talking about! :))

Nonetheless, she took my hand and told me she was all in. A year later we were married. 14 years later, we're still making it happen. Keep your head up.

It's about the person and what your foundation is. Mine is God, period. Maybe someone else's is based on prior experiences with other relationships. Nonetheless it's about foundation. Without a strong foundation, everything eventually falls.
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SPC David Wyckoff
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I met my wife when I was 12. Sunday school. I knew she was the one. She dated other people during HS. I wasn't interested. Married her as soon as I was 18. We had a boy already when we were married, he was a year and a half old.

I didn't join the Army until I was 22. We had two more kids, both girls.


In April we will have been married 28 years. All three of my kids have served and gotten out of the military. My oldest daughter has given me two precious grandbabies that I spoil rotten. I am a lucky man and I live a charmed life.


I can tell you that without my wife, I wouldn't be here. I didn't come home from the desert the same man I went. We have weathered changes in both of us. What we never let go of is that we watch each others backs. Always. I trust her implicitly with every aspect of my life and I can honestly say that I have never lied to her in any regard. She is my reason for living.


Happily ever after does happen.

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SGT Jim Barrows
SGT Jim Barrows
10 y
Glad you are still here.God gave you a angel.
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LT Jessica Kellogg
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My husband and I were married when we were 22, right after his first deployment and before I joined.

I think a lot of young couples think that getting married is the only way to be able to move with the service member, or that marriage is some sort of magic guarantee that their relationship will survive a deployment.

Conversely, I think young couples should experience military life before committing to it.  Some people just aren't happy being away from their loved one for that long. 

If I had a young sailor considering marriage and they wanted my advice, I'd tell them to get married because they want to get married, not because the military makes it appealing.  
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CMDCM Gene Treants
CMDCM Gene Treants
>1 y
You are absolutely correct Ensign Kellogg. We married when I had 10 years in so I knew Navy well and my wife understood that a Navy Career was going to be a part of her life. We moved and traveled all over and had ups and downs, but because she supported my career and I understood her needs the next 20 years went by fast. I retired at 30 years in the Navy and we have been married for 38 years now.
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SGT Cbrn Nco
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Edited 11 y ago
As people grow up their wants and aspirations evolve in life and it isn't productive to anyone to be judgmental towards them for changing. She isn't hurting anyone so leave her be to live her life the way she deems fit and be happy for her and her choices because those are the one's that she has to live with. The only person you can control is yourself, so why bother expending the energy to be disappointed in another human being for doing what makes her happy.

That being said...I think the dependent rate for BAH is bogus and should be disregarded because it does push soldiers into getting married when they shouldn't.     
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LT Jessica Kellogg
LT Jessica Kellogg
11 y
How does the prospect of being able to move out of the barracks not entice young sailors to get married?

I don't know that delaying BAH for about 4 years for single sailors is the best option, but I do think the intention is good, especially for sailors straight out of high school who haven't lived on their own before. 
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SGT Cbrn Nco
SGT (Join to see)
11 y
I never stated that I wished to take money out of a soldier's pocket, sir. Only that having a dependent rate is ridiculous. Every soldier should have the means to live off base if they wanted to deal with all the expenses that renting a home entails.
And sir, this is a forum where we can express our opinions on military artifacts, especially in direct relation to a question that was asked by the poster. Having a different opinion than you does not warrant a soldier's leaving of the service.
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SFC Communications Chief (S6)
SFC (Join to see)
11 y
no i don't disagree. i just don't see it as extra income. it can potentially be. if the argument can be said that for Soldier A to move out of the barracks (aside from the perfect condition that theres merely no room) is to get promoted to a certain rank or take the plunge so to speak, get married and have the military somewhat obligated to move him out. it might be quicker to accomplish those goals, but its more of a life-changer.
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SFC Communications Chief (S6)
SFC (Join to see)
11 y
yes i caught that after the fact.

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MSgt Mark Bucher
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Yes I did, and no, it didn't work out. I have no regrets, I still have nothing but great memories. The pain fades after a while.
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