Posted on Feb 21, 2014
Did any of you get married young while in the military? Did it work out as hoped?
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Were any of you married young? Say, under the age of 25 or less than 4 years in the service?<div><br></div><div>In the very short 4 years I was in the service, I saw lots of marriages.... and divorces..... many by the same people. Ladies on my ship had 2 or 3 names and it was a matter of remember which one to call them one week to the next (maybe that's a SLIGHT exaggeration, but not by much.)</div><div><br></div><div>One of my young sorority sisters joined the navy a year ago in January. She worked her tush off for over a year before she was finally able to ship out. She was a nuke. All she wanted was to join the navy, be a nuke, have a career and make something of her life. She had some pretty crummy relationships and swore up and down she wanted nothing to do with boys for a few years until she could get her life on track.</div><div><br></div><div>1 year later, after graduating boot camp, and sitting at THU for 3-4 months, for background investigation and medical reasons, she was finally cleared as fit for duty and allowed to go to nuke school. During that time, she met a boy. In January, she flunked out of nuke school (much to her delight, she said it was too much drama and BS). Said boy got engaged and married in a 2 week period back in January and today she announced that she is pregnant.</div><div><br></div><div>Good job sweetheart. Way to ensure that you won't be shipped to the fleet undesignated since you couldn't focus in school and keep that dream career you always wanted. And way to ensure that (right now) you wont be placed on a different ship than your hubby.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm so disgusted and disappointed in/for her. Disappointed in her because she has literally done the exact opposite of everything she said she wanted out of the navy. She even said that she would get out of the navy if it meant not having to be on opposite deployment schedules from her hubby. So much for that dream career - sounds like you wanted and MRS instead. Disappointed FOR her because she has no idea what she's gotten herself into.</div><div><br></div><div>I so hope that she's doesn't become a statistic :(</div><div><br></div><div>This isn't an uncommon thing. I feel like it's much more common in the military than not due to the benefits. Maybe I'm just cynical, though.</div><div><br></div><div>Please.... somebody give me a positive young military marriage story. Did you get married young? If so, are you still together? How long? Do you have kids? Do you have a NORMAL FUNCTIONAL family life? I know there are some... but I have to be honest, I didn't know of many while I was in. That's another contributing factor to why I didn't make it a career. I decided that based on what I saw, there was no way I would ever be able to have a normal family life. I did, however, marry my military sweetheart - 2 months after he separated from the service (I was 26, he was 29 at the time, we've been married over 6 years now). He, unfortunately, was a young statistic, and I'm his second (and last, if I have anything to say about it!).</div><div><br></div><div>This is why that locality allowance based on rank and rank alone (and not family dependents) should be enacted. BAH is BS, and I've always thought it was a really bad use of taxpayer dollars to give young smucks extra money just because they got married or knocked up. You wanna get married or knocked up? Civillian jobs don't pay you more just because your family situation changes. Why should the military? Medical benefits are one thing, but paycheck in the form of BAH? Bah humbug.</div><div><br></div><div>Pardon my negative nelly attitude tonight. I'm really really disappointed in my friend, and I'm very frustrated. Nothing I can do about it, and doesn't really affect me, so I know I shouldn't care. But I do.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>
Posted 11 y ago
Responses: 70
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<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3><FONT color=#000000><FONT face=Calibri>I feel your pain and frustration.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I have witnessed numerous young couples that leaped into marriages in tech school that have failed.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>But like Cpl Fittizzi, I’ve also got a success story.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I would consider my marriage young. <SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I was 23 and my wife had just turned 20.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Some other odds that were stacked against us, we had only been dating for about 6 months, we were in a long distance relationship, I was stationed at RAF Mildenhall and she lived in North Wales, I am American she is British, I am African American she is Caucasian.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Many of my friends didn’t think it would last, but our parents believed in us and how head strong we both are.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>That was 3 PCS’s (3 countries), 8 deployments, 2 kids, more fights than I can count, and 13 years ago in 2001.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>We’re still going strong.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’d also like to add that being a “MRS” is nothing to bat an eye at, especially a military MRS.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The military spouse is in my opinion probably harder than being in the military, especially for my wife as she isn’t even American.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>In the military we have rules and regulations and are trained to be experts at what we do, but there isn’t any guidance on how to be a good, supportive wife, mother, home caretaker.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>My wife is truly amazing and I try to express that to her every day that I appreciate her support and I couldn’t have made it where I am today without her.<o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3><FONT color=#000000><FONT face=Calibri>I feel your pain and frustration.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I have witnessed numerous young couples that leaped into marriages in tech school that have failed.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>But like Cpl Fittizzi, I’ve also got a success story.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I would consider my marriage young. <SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I was 23 and my wife had just turned 20.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Some other odds that were stacked against us, we had only been dating for about 6 months, we were in a long distance relationship, I was stationed at RAF Mildenhall and she lived in North Wales, I am American she is British, I am African American she is Caucasian.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Many of my friends didn’t think it would last, but our parents believed in us and how head strong we both are.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>That was 3 PCS’s (3 countries), 8 deployments, 2 kids, more fights than I can count, and 13 years ago in 2001.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>We’re still going strong.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’d also like to add that being a “MRS” is nothing to bat an eye at, especially a military MRS.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The military spouse is in my opinion probably harder than being in the military, especially for my wife as she isn’t even American.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>In the military we have rules and regulations and are trained to be experts at what we do, but there isn’t any guidance on how to be a good, supportive wife, mother, home caretaker.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>My wife is truly amazing and I try to express that to her every day that I appreciate her support and I couldn’t have made it where I am today without her.<o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
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<p>I married my wife after 2.5 year TIS, I was 24 she was 19; 6 years later, we're stronger than ever. </p><p> </p><p>When I proposed the idea of marriage to her, I made expectations very clear...I told her I loved her, but she met me when I was in the Army and that being in the Army was a big part of who I am. I explained that my career requires long days, long nights...hell even years away. I told her that the only way a marriage would work is if she could accept that and support my career decisions. She agreed, and it was bumpy at first as she learned to integrate fully into our life...but I could never have asked for a more perfect companion to spend the rest of my life with.</p><p> </p><p>I think the problem, in truth, is our throw away culture in America. Don't like being married and too lazy to try and work on it? Divorce. Married but don't want to stay faithful? Divorce. Don't want to take the time to do something right? Just quit. It's a cultural problem, that can only be adjusted with good parenting and holding people accountable.</p>
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Both my wife and I were young sailors (first termers) and both were on 21 when we got married. This year will be 20 years since then. I am still in and am a senior leader and my wife has been out of the service since 1997 and raised our 3 awesome boys. My oldest is now in the Navy.
I have seen both sides. Some of my collegues have multiple marriages and then there is me still together after 20 years. The military can be very difficult on marriages. Both memebers must be commited in order to survive.
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I was 24 when I got married after a little less than 3 years on active duty. Twenty two and a half years later, I'm still married, to the same woman. Left active duty and entered the Army Reserve after twelve and a half years, and been in the Army Reserve ever since.
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I got married at 20 to another service member. We had our first child at 22. 12 years and three children later we are still going. There were some really bad times, mostly over deployments, but we wanted it to work. So we fought for it. Every says that 20 is too young. Yes it is young, but you have to understand going into it that you will change, they will change, and you will have to work your butt off.
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I was married the day after I graduated boot camp at age 19. I have been married 24 years and have 5 kids. I guess we were just stubborn.
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I got married at 19, dumbest thing i have ever done. While we were dating she walked away and left the Pizza Hut we were eating in, and I didn't chase her. She came back... I should've never stayed with her... completely changed my perceptions and outlook on life. People ask if there is anything you would ever change in your past, and even though we have a son together and I was granted custody in the divorce, in a heartbeat I would change the fact that I ever met her worthless a$$. <br><br>Fast forward about 5 years. I met a lil lady, started dating. Deployed twice from 03-04 and all of 05 and she didn't screw me over like most army wives/ gf's do, so, I figured why not, and married her. 12 years after we met we are still together. She put herself through college while working full time and even attained her masters while I was deployed, 2 years on the trail and a year in korea all while raising two kids, and is now teaching at a local middle school. I got lucky with this one.<br><br>Sometimes people will listen, most of the time they just want to prove how right they are even though they are wrong in trying to get married young. Some people just need to learn the hard way. But back then I didn't have any NCO's or peers telling me the bad things of getting married early. I sure as sh!t make sure I tell my story to young joe's as well as pass on the horror stories from others to let them know it isn't all peaches and cream like they think it will be, especially if they want to keep their own property and good credit scores etc.<br>
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I got married during HBL at Basic. My wife was an Army brat. Grandparents on her mother's side and both her parents Army. Grandfather and father retired Army.
Its been two years and we are still hanging in there.
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Looking through this, looks like I was fast approaching Old Hag status. I got married at age 26, wife was 24 at the time. That was in 1995. Still going strong, even with a few bumps along the way.
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After over 12 years of multiple deployments, its hard for marriages to endure, young or old ones.
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MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca
Agreed SSG, but if one believes in their marriage as strongly as their career, you and your spouse make it work - together. There's another post you should check out related to this about whether or not the military is to blame for marriages breaking up. quite interesting.
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