Posted on Feb 21, 2014
PO3 Account Management Specialist
32.6K
249
99
20
20
0
Were any of you married young? Say, under the age of 25 or less than 4 years in the service?<div><br></div><div>In the very short 4 years I was in the service, I saw lots of marriages.... and divorces..... many by the same people. Ladies on my ship had 2 or 3 names and it was a matter of remember which one to call them one week to the next (maybe that's a SLIGHT exaggeration, but not by much.)</div><div><br></div><div>One of my young sorority sisters joined the navy a year ago in January. She worked her tush off for over a year before she was finally able to ship out. She was a nuke. All she wanted was to join the navy, be a nuke, have a career and make something of her life. She had some pretty crummy relationships and swore up and down she wanted nothing to do with boys for a few years until she could get her life on track.</div><div><br></div><div>1 year later, after graduating boot camp, and sitting at THU for 3-4 months, for background investigation and medical reasons, she was finally cleared as fit for duty and allowed to go to nuke school. During that time, she met a boy. In January, she flunked out of nuke school (much to her delight, she said it was too much drama and BS). Said boy got engaged and married in a 2 week period back in January and today she announced that she is pregnant.</div><div><br></div><div>Good job sweetheart. Way to ensure that you won't be shipped to the fleet undesignated since you couldn't focus in school and keep that dream career you always wanted. And way to ensure that (right now) you wont be placed on a different ship than your hubby.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm so disgusted and disappointed in/for her. Disappointed in her because she has literally done the exact opposite of everything she said she wanted out of the navy. She even said that she would get out of the navy if it meant not having to be on opposite deployment schedules from her hubby. So much for that dream career - sounds like you wanted and MRS instead. Disappointed FOR her because she has no idea what she's gotten herself into.</div><div><br></div><div>I so hope that she's doesn't become a statistic :(</div><div><br></div><div>This isn't an uncommon thing. I feel like it's much more common in the military than not due to the benefits. Maybe I'm just cynical, though.</div><div><br></div><div>Please.... somebody give me a positive young military marriage story. Did you get married young? If so, are you still together? How long? Do you have kids? Do you have a NORMAL FUNCTIONAL family life? I know there are some... but I have to be honest, I didn't know of many while I was in. That's another contributing factor to why I didn't make it a career. I decided that based on what I saw, there was no way I would ever be able to have a normal family life. I did, however, marry my military sweetheart - 2 months after he separated from the service (I was 26, he was 29 at the time, we've been married over 6 years now). He, unfortunately, was a young statistic, and I'm his second (and last, if I have anything to say about it!).</div><div><br></div><div>This is why that locality allowance based on rank and rank alone (and not family dependents) should be enacted. BAH is BS, and I've always thought it was a really bad use of taxpayer dollars to give young smucks extra money just because they got married or knocked up. You wanna get married or knocked up? Civillian jobs don't pay you more just because your family situation changes. Why should the military? Medical benefits are one thing, but paycheck in the form of BAH? Bah humbug.</div><div><br></div><div>Pardon my negative nelly attitude tonight. I'm really really disappointed in my friend, and I'm very frustrated. Nothing I can do about it, and doesn't really affect me, so I know I shouldn't care. But I do.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>
Posted in these groups: Rings MarriageC92a59d8 Family
Avatar feed
Responses: 70
1SG David Niles
1
1
0
Yes, see my pride of service photo. Married at 20 years old, have been married for 25 years. It was hard, but not to hard.
(1)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small
SPC Richard White
1
1
0
Marriage
I married at the age of 24 and I had plans to get married before that but it didn't work out.I took a marriage class to get myself ready.
(1)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small
MSgt Aircrew Controller Ii
1
1
0

This story is old and distinguished, having played out many times throughout my 23 year career.  I think though, that although highlighted by the small community we associate with in the military, the story is all to common throughout our nation.


Young people get together and 'fall in love', get married - get pregnant or vice versa and then they finish growing up and realize they don't have anything in common with this person beyond a child. Sometimes it's easy to blame the outside stressors of life but in reality, they were just looking for a reason to escape a marriage they didn't TRULY want to be in.  People no longer have the tenacity to deal with adversity, it's easier to just walk away and get another spouse.

  The truly sad part of these stories, and the part that always angered me the most, was the majority of the time their were children involved.  When divorcing parents begin to use the children as tools to get what they want from the other, they should be taken out back to the wood shed and slapped until they get some common sense about them.  Children should never be leverage in a dispute between adults.

  We have all heard the stories of others, the advice from family, friends, coworkers, parents, NCO's etc. but when your 18 years old you only hear it, you don't listen to it.  We as humans unfortunately don't listen until we get older, live it and then realize that we should have listened and we start telling the same stories, words of advice to the next generation of 'wet behind the ears Soldiers/Sailors/Airman/Marines/Coasties' who hear it but don't listen just like we did.

  Oh and I didn't get married until I was 27 and my wife is two months younger than me.  WE have had our ups and downs in this first 16+ years of marriage just like everyone else.  Deployments, training/exercises, advance schools, PME course etc.  We chose to work through our problems and move on with life.  Is it because we were older? Or was it just because we truly wanted to be in the marriage with each other and the fact that we waited until later in life to marry affected that?  By the way we dated 6 months, got engaged and then married after 8 months so we definitely did not know each other all that well when we got married either. We had never lived together and only lived in the same time zone for a month before getting married.  I did however travel across the country a lot back then to visit her.  :)

(1)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small
SSG Military Police
1
1
0
Civilians get married for really crazy reasons all the time.  Military personnel get married for really crazy reasons all the time.  The BAH incentive is one of many irrational reasons people get married when they aren't ready or for the wrong reasons.  On the flip side of all these irrational reasons, the BAH incentive actually HELPS out a lot of people as well. 

I am disappointed to hear that people want the extra dependent BAH pay to be taken away because our soldiers are making wrong decisions based on its existence. I'd rather us, as professional soldiers and leaders, educate military personnel on pros/cons of a marriage. 

If my kids get into the cookie jar without permission I don't take the cookie jar away so they aren't tempted.  I discipline and educate them to overcome the temptation of getting into the cookie jar without permission. 
(1)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small
PO2 Marty Sharpe
0
0
0
I did at age 20. Lasted until I was separated and the allotment ceased.
(0)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small
SFC Michael Hasbun
0
0
0
I mean... my third marriage is working out pretty well...
(0)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small
SSgt Richard Kensinger
0
0
0
I married by very best girlfriend, Paula, when stationed at Andrews AFB on June 19, 1971. In fact, after completing med training, They forgot to assign me. To make it up to me, I got to choose my first duty station. I chose Andrews as it was closest to her. We met during my senior year in college. I will marry her again for all time in eternity! And, we had Mindi and it cost us only 5 bucks!!!. We are working on 48 years. she by far is the most important person in my life w/o a doubt.
Rich
(0)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small
Capt David Bays
0
0
0
May dad graduated from the Naval Academy in June 1957, and married my mom later that month. They are still married.
(0)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small
MAJ Ken Landgren
0
0
0
In my bucket list was to out live my ex.
(0)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small
SGT John W Lugo
0
0
0
Yes, came home on leave to get married, but after 12 years in the military it ended in divorce.
(0)
Comment
(0)
Avatar small

Join nearly 2 million former and current members of the US military, just like you.

close