Posted on Feb 21, 2014
Did any of you get married young while in the military? Did it work out as hoped?
32.5K
249
99
20
20
0
Were any of you married young? Say, under the age of 25 or less than 4 years in the service?<div><br></div><div>In the very short 4 years I was in the service, I saw lots of marriages.... and divorces..... many by the same people. Ladies on my ship had 2 or 3 names and it was a matter of remember which one to call them one week to the next (maybe that's a SLIGHT exaggeration, but not by much.)</div><div><br></div><div>One of my young sorority sisters joined the navy a year ago in January. She worked her tush off for over a year before she was finally able to ship out. She was a nuke. All she wanted was to join the navy, be a nuke, have a career and make something of her life. She had some pretty crummy relationships and swore up and down she wanted nothing to do with boys for a few years until she could get her life on track.</div><div><br></div><div>1 year later, after graduating boot camp, and sitting at THU for 3-4 months, for background investigation and medical reasons, she was finally cleared as fit for duty and allowed to go to nuke school. During that time, she met a boy. In January, she flunked out of nuke school (much to her delight, she said it was too much drama and BS). Said boy got engaged and married in a 2 week period back in January and today she announced that she is pregnant.</div><div><br></div><div>Good job sweetheart. Way to ensure that you won't be shipped to the fleet undesignated since you couldn't focus in school and keep that dream career you always wanted. And way to ensure that (right now) you wont be placed on a different ship than your hubby.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm so disgusted and disappointed in/for her. Disappointed in her because she has literally done the exact opposite of everything she said she wanted out of the navy. She even said that she would get out of the navy if it meant not having to be on opposite deployment schedules from her hubby. So much for that dream career - sounds like you wanted and MRS instead. Disappointed FOR her because she has no idea what she's gotten herself into.</div><div><br></div><div>I so hope that she's doesn't become a statistic :(</div><div><br></div><div>This isn't an uncommon thing. I feel like it's much more common in the military than not due to the benefits. Maybe I'm just cynical, though.</div><div><br></div><div>Please.... somebody give me a positive young military marriage story. Did you get married young? If so, are you still together? How long? Do you have kids? Do you have a NORMAL FUNCTIONAL family life? I know there are some... but I have to be honest, I didn't know of many while I was in. That's another contributing factor to why I didn't make it a career. I decided that based on what I saw, there was no way I would ever be able to have a normal family life. I did, however, marry my military sweetheart - 2 months after he separated from the service (I was 26, he was 29 at the time, we've been married over 6 years now). He, unfortunately, was a young statistic, and I'm his second (and last, if I have anything to say about it!).</div><div><br></div><div>This is why that locality allowance based on rank and rank alone (and not family dependents) should be enacted. BAH is BS, and I've always thought it was a really bad use of taxpayer dollars to give young smucks extra money just because they got married or knocked up. You wanna get married or knocked up? Civillian jobs don't pay you more just because your family situation changes. Why should the military? Medical benefits are one thing, but paycheck in the form of BAH? Bah humbug.</div><div><br></div><div>Pardon my negative nelly attitude tonight. I'm really really disappointed in my friend, and I'm very frustrated. Nothing I can do about it, and doesn't really affect me, so I know I shouldn't care. But I do.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>
Marriage
Family
Posted 11 y ago
Responses: 70
1
1
0
We were both 19 when we got married. We had been had been dating for about 3 months, but friends before that. This August will be married for 9 years.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
We were married at 18. Had first daughter at 19. We both worked and I completed college and entered USAF. For 22 years she was a great mom to our kids and dutiful Air Force Wife. She enjoyed the adventure and supported me throughout. Next, it was her turn. She completed her BSN in 1999 and worked as an RN for 7 yrs. physical disabilities caused her retirement. We will be married 50 years in Nov.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
I, like many other people, absolutely LOVE happy endings, long marriages, and all that jazz. But what really grinds my gears are people who post things like this, judging their friends for taking that leap and "abandoning their dreams" for marriage. Sure, she may have had aspirations and dreams that would take her far in her Navy career, but maybe - just maybe - she also had dreams of being a great mother and wife. It's not YOUR life nor your place to feel disappointed and/or frustrated with her decisions. She's an adult and as we all know, everything we plan for ourselves seldom goes the way we plan -- especially in the military. Marrying young, or marrying at all, in the military isn't an easy choice.. and it definitely isn't one that should have people thinking "well what will my friends think of my decision?". Military marriages aren't doomed to fail solely because the people involved are under 24 years old or E4 and below.
While your friend's decisions may make you feel uneasy, disappointed, frustrated, etc.. it's important to remember that it's not about YOU. And neither are the other thousands of marriages in the military. Focus on your own life, and make the most of your own career. If hers falters, it will be because of her own choices -- NOT because she decided to get married. The easiest thing in the world to do is to mind our own business, unless there is threat to one's safety. I don't see a safety issue here. Good luck in YOUR marriage and good luck to her as well.
While your friend's decisions may make you feel uneasy, disappointed, frustrated, etc.. it's important to remember that it's not about YOU. And neither are the other thousands of marriages in the military. Focus on your own life, and make the most of your own career. If hers falters, it will be because of her own choices -- NOT because she decided to get married. The easiest thing in the world to do is to mind our own business, unless there is threat to one's safety. I don't see a safety issue here. Good luck in YOUR marriage and good luck to her as well.
(1)
(0)
PO3 (Join to see)
Never said it was about me, but with the statistics of the divorce rate of young marriages... especially young military marriages that happened on a "leap"(of what? faith? HAH!) I have every reason to be skeptical.
You are right. Military marriages aren't doomed to fail "solely" because the people involved are under 24 or less than an E-4. But I betcha if someone put together statistical evidence on those who waited to get married who met that criteria versus those who didn't, that the numbers would tell an interesting story.
Maybe you're one of the lucky ones who hasn't seen the heartbreaking broken home stories that I have. It seems like every time I turn around there's another story of a young couple who rushed in and realized "SHIT, what did we get ourselves into?" I'm allowed to say that. I was almost that girl. Thank goodness for common sense and enough of a brain that clued me in that I wasn't mature enough to be married at that time.
You are right. Military marriages aren't doomed to fail "solely" because the people involved are under 24 or less than an E-4. But I betcha if someone put together statistical evidence on those who waited to get married who met that criteria versus those who didn't, that the numbers would tell an interesting story.
Maybe you're one of the lucky ones who hasn't seen the heartbreaking broken home stories that I have. It seems like every time I turn around there's another story of a young couple who rushed in and realized "SHIT, what did we get ourselves into?" I'm allowed to say that. I was almost that girl. Thank goodness for common sense and enough of a brain that clued me in that I wasn't mature enough to be married at that time.
(0)
(0)
SSG(P) (Join to see)
Those statistics would need to take into account those who actually married because they loved each other and those that married because they wanted the benefits marriage provides. Those are typically the ones that result in divorce. As you can see, many MANY people have married young in the military, but they're still happily married. You seem to have blinders on that won't allow you to recognize the good around you.
You're right, you DO have every right to be skeptical, but you also should give yourself a break sometimes and try to "hunt the good stuff". No, I'm not "one of the lucky ones".. I'm a military brat and I've been in long enough to have seen PLENTY of bad. I choose not to let that mar my idea of what love and marriage should be like.
You say every time you turn around there's another negative story -- that's LIFE. Everything negative gets spread faster than positivity. That's just the way of the world. Look past that and see all the good that's out there.
You're right, you DO have every right to be skeptical, but you also should give yourself a break sometimes and try to "hunt the good stuff". No, I'm not "one of the lucky ones".. I'm a military brat and I've been in long enough to have seen PLENTY of bad. I choose not to let that mar my idea of what love and marriage should be like.
You say every time you turn around there's another negative story -- that's LIFE. Everything negative gets spread faster than positivity. That's just the way of the world. Look past that and see all the good that's out there.
(0)
(0)
1
1
0
This is a terrific discussion about an issue that concerned me throughout my 20 year career.
I very much like the suggestion that service members that enlist as single people should agree to remain single for the first two years of their enlistment.
First, plans for marrying high school sweethearts often cloud and distract the thinking of new recruits. I know this from experience. I 'swapped' an amazing overseas initial assignment opportunity for a horrible 'close to home' CONUS assignment to be close to my girl. I arrived at my first assignment and discovered that during my basic and tech training, my girl became pregnant by another man and wanted nothing to do with me. Twenty-six years later, I couldn't care less about the girl, but still regret giving up the assignment opportunity.
Second, the life of a young E-1--E-4 is not particularly pleasant. My recollection of living in the barracks/dorms and receiving meals "in-kind" equaled low net pay, an annoying roommate, regular room inspections and redundant chow hall meals. A quick trip to the courthouse for a quickie marriage equals a doubling in pay, private off-base quarters and the feeling of being treated like an 'adult.'
I know this because I did it as a young Airman. The first year or so was great, but, ultimately, the pain was not worth the payoff. The rigors of military life is tough on the strongest of marriages. Weak marriages borne of the potential payoff are generally doomed and divorce sucks under any circumstance.
Sharing my story rarely prevented similar stories from occurring among my troops as I matured and rose through the ranks. I witnessed similar pain happen time and again throughout my career.
So...a two year marriage ban may seem oppressive, but my experience is that it would ultimately save much pain and drama in the ranks while keeping young troops focused on learning their craft and enjoying their early military years. If a hometown sweetheart is truly marriage material, the relationship will last a couple year marriage delay.
I very much like the suggestion that service members that enlist as single people should agree to remain single for the first two years of their enlistment.
First, plans for marrying high school sweethearts often cloud and distract the thinking of new recruits. I know this from experience. I 'swapped' an amazing overseas initial assignment opportunity for a horrible 'close to home' CONUS assignment to be close to my girl. I arrived at my first assignment and discovered that during my basic and tech training, my girl became pregnant by another man and wanted nothing to do with me. Twenty-six years later, I couldn't care less about the girl, but still regret giving up the assignment opportunity.
Second, the life of a young E-1--E-4 is not particularly pleasant. My recollection of living in the barracks/dorms and receiving meals "in-kind" equaled low net pay, an annoying roommate, regular room inspections and redundant chow hall meals. A quick trip to the courthouse for a quickie marriage equals a doubling in pay, private off-base quarters and the feeling of being treated like an 'adult.'
I know this because I did it as a young Airman. The first year or so was great, but, ultimately, the pain was not worth the payoff. The rigors of military life is tough on the strongest of marriages. Weak marriages borne of the potential payoff are generally doomed and divorce sucks under any circumstance.
Sharing my story rarely prevented similar stories from occurring among my troops as I matured and rose through the ranks. I witnessed similar pain happen time and again throughout my career.
So...a two year marriage ban may seem oppressive, but my experience is that it would ultimately save much pain and drama in the ranks while keeping young troops focused on learning their craft and enjoying their early military years. If a hometown sweetheart is truly marriage material, the relationship will last a couple year marriage delay.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
My wife and I have been married 5 years now with two girls. I was 18 and my wife 19 when We got married.i was 19 when I got to my first unit. It wasn't easy but all through my first contract we never understood how people could be married and divorced over and over again and make the same mistakes.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
I met my husband in Great Lakes when I was on holds waiting to be sent to San Diego for "C" school. We dated before I left and while I was in San Diego. When I came home for a brief time to see my family before heading to my ship we got engaged. We were engaged for one year while I was stationed on the USS Emory S. Land. I OTEIPed on the Land for an extra year (all orders to the Land at that time were one year orders) and during my 30 day leave I was granted we got married and at the time I was 21 (I turned 22 three days later). We've been married two years now and yes we've had our struggles because of deployments and colocation issues.
We are now both in Yokosuka, Japan where I was originally stationed on the USS Fitzgerald and he was on the USS Mustin. This past January we found out I was pregnant with our first child. In July I was given pregnancy orders to work at the Degaussing Range. He is still on the ship. Right now I'm working with the detailer on my orders because of a small issue that arose with my contract ending unless I reenlist. (Long long story.) We are still married and have an adorable baby girl.
It does get stressful though. When we were on opposite deployments when we were both home it was hard to do anything because we were tired or one wanted to do something while the other didn't. We missed holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries together but we made due. It still is stressful now because while he is on deployments I'm home alone with a two month old and since we're overseas there's really no family members to come over and help. I have friends here willing to help but it's tough.
Dual military does take its toll on a lot of things. I can get a short temper sometimes and lose patience quickly. It's something I'm personally working on trying to improve. Especially since I want to be a good example to my daughter. All marriages have their rough spots and mine is no different.
We are now both in Yokosuka, Japan where I was originally stationed on the USS Fitzgerald and he was on the USS Mustin. This past January we found out I was pregnant with our first child. In July I was given pregnancy orders to work at the Degaussing Range. He is still on the ship. Right now I'm working with the detailer on my orders because of a small issue that arose with my contract ending unless I reenlist. (Long long story.) We are still married and have an adorable baby girl.
It does get stressful though. When we were on opposite deployments when we were both home it was hard to do anything because we were tired or one wanted to do something while the other didn't. We missed holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries together but we made due. It still is stressful now because while he is on deployments I'm home alone with a two month old and since we're overseas there's really no family members to come over and help. I have friends here willing to help but it's tough.
Dual military does take its toll on a lot of things. I can get a short temper sometimes and lose patience quickly. It's something I'm personally working on trying to improve. Especially since I want to be a good example to my daughter. All marriages have their rough spots and mine is no different.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
I would honestly think a contractual obligation to not get married in your first term of enlistment would do a lot for the junior ranks. Would have sorted my shit pretty easy and might have saved my career.
(1)
(0)
PO3 (Join to see)
I really don't understand why something like this hasnt already been enacted. I would LOVE to know how much money the government would save if they weren't paying for "sweetie pie" and Baby Mama.
(0)
(0)
LCpl (Join to see)
Right? We give up a set of our freedoms already, adding the freedom to wed for a set amount of time isn't too much to ask for that.
(0)
(0)
1
1
0
When I entered the service in 1966, we were told that if we needed a spouse, one would be issued to us. Few of us were deluded enough to believe that an E1 could afford their own at $89/month. Even as a 2LT at $303/month, I could see that marriage was out of the question. (I know, you're surprised that any "butter bar" had that much common sense.)
I've known couples who have married at tender young ages and successfully avoided the pains of holy deadlock, and others of more advanced years who have not. Thus, I'm not certain that the issue is the age at which one marries, but rather the circumstances that may lead to lifelong pairings or divorce. Sadly, the military life puts strains on marriage that are rarely encountered in civilian life. Money is scarce. Absences are prolonged. Temptations abound for geographical bachelors and bachelorettes.
Sadly, everyone thinks that love, their love, will conquer all and divorce, well, that only happens to other people. Thus, short of a prohibition on marriage together with a stiff penalty to enforce it, I doubt that much can be done. Even then, boys and girls will be boys and girls, and the birds and the bees will prevail. What will you do then?
I've known couples who have married at tender young ages and successfully avoided the pains of holy deadlock, and others of more advanced years who have not. Thus, I'm not certain that the issue is the age at which one marries, but rather the circumstances that may lead to lifelong pairings or divorce. Sadly, the military life puts strains on marriage that are rarely encountered in civilian life. Money is scarce. Absences are prolonged. Temptations abound for geographical bachelors and bachelorettes.
Sadly, everyone thinks that love, their love, will conquer all and divorce, well, that only happens to other people. Thus, short of a prohibition on marriage together with a stiff penalty to enforce it, I doubt that much can be done. Even then, boys and girls will be boys and girls, and the birds and the bees will prevail. What will you do then?
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
I petition to not allow anyone in the US to marry before the age of 25...
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
My wife and I got married when I was 4 days shy of turning 20. We've been married 8 years now, and expect many more to come. I would not be able to afford being in the Guard if it weren't for BAH. Simply doesn't pay enough for me to take the necessary time off work without BAH.
(1)
(0)
Read This Next
Continue with Facebook 
Continue with Google