Home versus Deployment?

Halfway through my deployment I came home on leave to my husband and 4 kids. It was almost a surreal experience and I couldn't wait to get back to Bosnia because that made sense to me. I loved seeing my kids, but I felt like I shouldn't be there.

Well, deployments as much as they were demanding due to the 16 hour Maint shifts? Were routine and almost predictable in the fact I knew how it would play out, lack of sleep, some decent port visits, and saving a little bit of $$ bc of Tax free base pay, special pays. The worst part of deployments??? Was knowing that my "Significant other" was never content with me being away, and the longer deployment continued? The greater chances she would give in to temptations. I thought for awhile it was just me that when through this but sadly, No. It was widespread and more common than not.. I partially blame our courts, society bc nobody questions cheaters anymore. No consequences these days for it while in divorce proceedings.. I'd say that chances for separation/divorce after a service member goes through an extended deployment are above 60%, and that's being conservative. My only cornerstone of retaining my self dignity, Sanity, Self worth was the fact I didn't have children with either of my failed married during my nearly 10 years of active duty. Saw too many co-workers in worse situations than mine due to having a family.

I know exactly what you mean by this and have faced this myself. To some degree I still exist there in my thoughts so on that level it is home. The sights, the smells, the sounds, the raw emotions all of it are as fresh in my mind as when I crossed that berm in 2003. I guess even though it is home its a home I left and hope to never return to. My new home is here and I am more or less happy with how my life went so I can't complain too much.