Integration from deployment

I can speak as a Mom coming home from a 9 month deployment to my retired Sailor husband and four kids. I had no reintegration assistance of any kind as I was an individual augmentee. I didn't foresee any problems as my husband had been through this although it was my first deployment. It didn't work out that way, but I think you already guessed that. He expected me to take right back over but I wasn't able to. This led to many arguments with the spouse and eventual divorce. The most successful transition was with my dog!

You can help your shipmates by counseling them to take it slow, not expect their bonds to be instantly reformed and follow their spouse's lead and listen. After being on both ends of a deployment, being the one deployed is the easier one, at least in my experience. Being home with the kids, keeping everything going as a single parent, perhaps holding down a full-time job and constantly worrying about your loved one if they are in harm's way is very hard work. No matter what we as Sailors went through we have to recognize and acknowledge that as well.

There is no set answer to this, its different for everyone of us and our family and friends. Some handle it easily, while others have trouble adjusting.
For myself it was pretty easy, but I know plenty of people who struggled with readjusting, fighting with their spouse, getting weird looks for the kids, etc., you just have to figure it out what works for you and your family / friends.

In my day in the Navy, we always had sessions from Family Service on how to cope with returning from deployment. I hope your unit had such briefings. If not, go to the Family Service or Chaplain's office on your base and talk to them, if you're having problems.

With nuclear family, it can be challenging at times, especially if something happened while you were gone. "Mary had a stroke; you should have been here for her..." or other type scenarios. Never mind that Mary was an aunt, so you would not have gotten Emergency Leave anyway. But families love to pile on the old guilt trip...

If married, re-integrating with spouse/SO/Partner and children is an extremely rocky road. You can't come in and say "why are you doing it this way? We always did it this other way before..." because your spouse/SO/Partner will retort, "but you weren't here, were you? You have no idea how hard things were, while you were TDY to Bermuda (or whatever), and besides, this just works for me..."

You need to be gentle, humble, loving and caring. LISTEN to what your family members say. Don't argue, don't retort, listen with all your heart and soul, to what they are saying, with your eyes, your ears, your whole body...