Posted on Mar 25, 2014
Why can’t an enlisted soldier date an officer?
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With all the changes DoD is making to placate the minoritygroups (i.e. DADT repeal, grooming for certain groups) why has no one looked atthe officer/enlisted relationship issue. I totally get that is should not
happen within the unit (which should apply to enlisted/enlisted and officer/officer
as well) but if a enlisted troop happens
to meet a officer in a different command and neither could affect the others career,
then why is it still and issue? Not trying to change policy, just looking for
feedback.
happen within the unit (which should apply to enlisted/enlisted and officer/officer
as well) but if a enlisted troop happens
to meet a officer in a different command and neither could affect the others career,
then why is it still and issue? Not trying to change policy, just looking for
feedback.
Officers
Enlisted
Regulation
Relationships
Dating
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 91
118
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Why? Because we're an organization of the least common denominator. Are there people who can wholly maintain good order and discipline while dating someone of a significantly different rank? Yes. When I entered service, it was entirely okay.
But enough people can't, and so we make rules based on those failures instead of addressing the individual failures. It happens across our policies -- women can't wear nail polish and have a specific nail length proscribed because too many of them were wearing outlandish colors and distractingly long lengths; men and women are so tatt'ed up that one spends more time reading their necks, ears, hands, and legs than actually attending to what they are saying; etc.
The right answer is to address matters as they are present -- does CPT Smith dating SPC Snuffy create a problem? If it does, then it should be ended and without whining. Quite frankly, CPT Smith and SPC Snuffy might be pretty close in age and with as well-educated as our enlisted are, they might actually have things in common ... more so, anyway, than the LTC who married a 22 year old 2LT fresh out of college.
But that's not our organization -- decision-making by band-aid or amputation, nothing in between.
But enough people can't, and so we make rules based on those failures instead of addressing the individual failures. It happens across our policies -- women can't wear nail polish and have a specific nail length proscribed because too many of them were wearing outlandish colors and distractingly long lengths; men and women are so tatt'ed up that one spends more time reading their necks, ears, hands, and legs than actually attending to what they are saying; etc.
The right answer is to address matters as they are present -- does CPT Smith dating SPC Snuffy create a problem? If it does, then it should be ended and without whining. Quite frankly, CPT Smith and SPC Snuffy might be pretty close in age and with as well-educated as our enlisted are, they might actually have things in common ... more so, anyway, than the LTC who married a 22 year old 2LT fresh out of college.
But that's not our organization -- decision-making by band-aid or amputation, nothing in between.
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SGT (Join to see)
I personally think that the main reason as to why the organization we are in creates policies that run across the board and penalize everyone is because it is smart to do so. Why do I say that? Because if we allowed each individual issue to be take no care of as an individual issue, the. We would face a new set of issues.
1. Discrimination. Being given the ability to manage different issues in different respects allows more room for personal bias to be an influence many situations. We can blame leadership for not upholding integrity, sure, but that problem won't go away.
2. Favoritism. Just like the discrimination issue, the more bias that is applied, the more people will play toward people they care about in the unit, which completely shatters unit cohesion. And,
3. Stereotypes. When one unit deals with such issues differently than another unit, or when one state deals with such relationship issues differently than another state or post or fort, etc. there will be a stereotype made of that state, post, etc. because of that stereotype, some places will seem more like a safe haven for such relationships in comparison to others, and of course, people will drift to where they think the grass grows greener. This will create a strange upset in unit movement.
I'm personally usually pretty annoyed when they make these kinds of basic red phase style across the board policies just because some snuffy messed up in the past, but I do understand why such rules are made. Believe it or not, they do actually help.
1. Discrimination. Being given the ability to manage different issues in different respects allows more room for personal bias to be an influence many situations. We can blame leadership for not upholding integrity, sure, but that problem won't go away.
2. Favoritism. Just like the discrimination issue, the more bias that is applied, the more people will play toward people they care about in the unit, which completely shatters unit cohesion. And,
3. Stereotypes. When one unit deals with such issues differently than another unit, or when one state deals with such relationship issues differently than another state or post or fort, etc. there will be a stereotype made of that state, post, etc. because of that stereotype, some places will seem more like a safe haven for such relationships in comparison to others, and of course, people will drift to where they think the grass grows greener. This will create a strange upset in unit movement.
I'm personally usually pretty annoyed when they make these kinds of basic red phase style across the board policies just because some snuffy messed up in the past, but I do understand why such rules are made. Believe it or not, they do actually help.
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PFC Bradley Frye
Doesn't just apply to romantic relationships either. When i got to my first unit, my buddy and I got in trouble just for going to a club with an E-5 in our section. I had not in my wildest dreams thought that was a bad idea and no one had told me that it was, but when it was explained to me it made sense.
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SSG Jason Penn
I was in service at the time the Fraternization Policy changed, and remember it quite well. The truth of the matter is that the original policy stated that it was OK provided that the individuals were not in the same Chain of Command, this means that it was OK within the same unit as long as the Officer had no command authority over the Enlisted partner. The change happened because all the other branches had stricter policies with the Marines having the most strict. Congress made an inquiry as to why the branches all had different policies, so the Army adopted the Marine policy because it was deemed easier and better for good order and discipline for the Army to become more strict than the other branches to become more lax.
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I met my husband when I was a Second Lieutenant and he was a Specialist and we were in different components of the Army so our chain of commands did not cross. It was not until he was a Sergeant and I was a Captain that he switched to the Army Reserve and we make sure I am never in his chain of command. So far it has worked and we have been married for 22 years.
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Capt Sabrena Goldman
While serving in the military the mission is priority and things that threaten the mission also threaten lives. There are rules for a reason. There is a reason you should not date coworkers. Any job requires a good work ethic and no distractions. The suicide rate is higher among veterans. Stay busy. That’s what my mom told me and I’m will keep you out of trouble! Marriage or a relationship should be taken seriously. So should le th security of your unit and country.
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SP5 Joseph Roberts
I met my wife when she was a captain and I was an E5 in the Army. We first met at a club off base. As we talked we realized she was a much higher rank then me. We talked about it at length but our attraction to each other was strong. I was not in her command structure but we still kept our relationship on the Q-t. I didnt want to mess up her career. We fell in love. A major who had eyes for her kept asking her out. But she kept telling him she was busy or tired or had other plans. He eventually realized or figured out that she and I were dating and tried to cause trouble. Even going so far as to try and get me transferred. She finally when to her commander and explained our relationship. Happily her C.O was very understanding. He knew the problems of dating out of rank but since there was no conflict of interest and no command cross over problems he made the Major back off. We got married a few months later. BUT it was suggested that we live off base.
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