Posted on Nov 1, 2020
How should I deal with leaving my family, and my kids in particular, to join the military?
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Serving my country has been a long time desire of mine and at 28, also a way of bettering myself and providing my son with a better future. Unfortunately his mom and I don’t always see eye to eye. I’m at the Hotel today getting ready to ship out tomorrow and me and her had an argument today. It makes it really tough on me. It stresses me out and after an emotional time with my son when I was leaving, I was seriously regretting my decision to go. I’m in the NG and yes it’s part time. But having to leave for 5-6 months is really tough. I almost panicked and reached out to my recruiter on how I can leave. I’m a Christian and I also want to lean on my faith but it’s not easy. Any help?
Basic Combat Training (BCT)
Family
Children
Posted 4 y ago
Responses: 20
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There are consequences to every decision, every action, every word we speak... It is the mark of maturity, of a free person, to take responsibility. Maybe you didn't think this through. Don't worry. That's a very human trait. The ability to see second and third order of consequences is also a mark of maturity, one that even our fearless leaders rarely possess. Your wife will come around, or she won't. She'll stick by you or she'll leave you. You'll learn to say "It is what it is" and accept it. And, you'll mature. Now, focus on the reasons for your decision. Were they good enough to compensate you for the price you're paying? Make a list. Check it twice. Learn. Get a good night's sleep and then do your duty. You'll be a better person for it. So will your wife. So will your son...
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CPT Lawrence Cable
SPC (Join to see) - Ex-Wife? Look at it as a five month vacation from stress of dealing with her. Since you are male, I will assume that you aren't the custodial parent, but courts generally will not generally modify a the custody agreement while you are at BCT and AIT.
On the practical side, you will need to provide Finance with a payment order from the Court or Child Support Agency. They will then deduct and send your child support automatically, you don't want anything extra to worry about during BCT.
If you want it, get your head in the right place and do it.
On the practical side, you will need to provide Finance with a payment order from the Court or Child Support Agency. They will then deduct and send your child support automatically, you don't want anything extra to worry about during BCT.
If you want it, get your head in the right place and do it.
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SPC (Join to see)
Definitely a positive getting away from the stress. We don’t fight most times but when we do it’s stressful. I’m only going to miss my son a lot and that’s what was making this difficult. Thank youCPT Lawrence Cable
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CPT Lawrence Cable
SPC (Join to see) - You are making a change with his future in mind. Remember that and keep focused on the mission. I got married on Saturday and left the following Friday for OCS, so I understanding the missing someone. But if you thought this path was the correct one before, don't let the moments emotions rule any decision. If you consider it rationally and it's the right choice, stay with it.
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SPC Nils Hammer
Build a virtual village. Make connections with other families that live near them. Find resources. Your unit chaplain may have ideas on how to do that.
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Everyone deals differently. I had to leave my daughter when she was 3 1/2 two months after she had her kidney transplant to go to SLC. But I had to do it - I had already deferred it 3 times. I had came up on QMP because of that so I had to get it done and I'm just glad she got her transplant before I left so that wasn't something I worried about missing while I was gone.
I'm a single parent also - so my motivation is my daughter. Everything I do is for her to have a better life than I did, especially after all she's been through in her short 6 years of life. When I want to quit, I think of her.
I'm a single parent also - so my motivation is my daughter. Everything I do is for her to have a better life than I did, especially after all she's been through in her short 6 years of life. When I want to quit, I think of her.
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If serving your Country was easy everyone would do it. But what you don’t hear enough is how hard it can be on the families. It isn’t easy but the best way to handle it is honesty and open communication.
5-6 months is a drop in the bucket. Lucky for you the Army is a lot more loose on being able to communicate with family while in training. Marine Corps Boot Camp is letters only the entire 3 months. You were compelled to serve and your family will either honor that and be proud or they won’t. You can’t change that no matter how hard you try. Just work hard, lean into your faith for strength and contact your family as often as you can.
Good luck
5-6 months is a drop in the bucket. Lucky for you the Army is a lot more loose on being able to communicate with family while in training. Marine Corps Boot Camp is letters only the entire 3 months. You were compelled to serve and your family will either honor that and be proud or they won’t. You can’t change that no matter how hard you try. Just work hard, lean into your faith for strength and contact your family as often as you can.
Good luck
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SPC (Join to see)
Thank you for the advice. I’m hoping these next several months go by quickly but I also want to enjoy them. Thanks again
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