Posted on Jan 19, 2015
How do you tell a subordinate that you don't want to mentor them?
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EDIT!!!!
Due to the misunderstanding of my question or being taken out of context it is with regret that I edit my origianl "Details" section. I hope this helps.
This question is about mentorship only, not leadership, not counseling.
To begin, I am a TPU soldier, Full-Time employee as well as Part-time every other weekend. I have Special Needs children and Coach my one of my sons sports. My time is limited unlike those of you who are Active Duty and are with your soldiers around the clock.
I'm finding now that more and more "Joe's" look to me for guidance as my age and rank go up. I have a lot to offer, but still have much to learn.
I know that seeking out a mentor is of upmost importance in ones military career. It is difficult to find someone that you feel would be a good mentor as well as finding someone worth your time to mentor.
"Mentoring is a process for the informal transmission of knowledge, social capital, and the psychosocial support perceived by the recipient as relevant to work, career, or professional development; mentoring entails informal communication, usually face-to-face and during a sustained period of time, between a person who is perceived to have greater relevant knowledge, wisdom, or experience (the mentor) and a person who is perceived to have less (the protégé)".
Due to the misunderstanding of my question or being taken out of context it is with regret that I edit my origianl "Details" section. I hope this helps.
This question is about mentorship only, not leadership, not counseling.
To begin, I am a TPU soldier, Full-Time employee as well as Part-time every other weekend. I have Special Needs children and Coach my one of my sons sports. My time is limited unlike those of you who are Active Duty and are with your soldiers around the clock.
I'm finding now that more and more "Joe's" look to me for guidance as my age and rank go up. I have a lot to offer, but still have much to learn.
I know that seeking out a mentor is of upmost importance in ones military career. It is difficult to find someone that you feel would be a good mentor as well as finding someone worth your time to mentor.
"Mentoring is a process for the informal transmission of knowledge, social capital, and the psychosocial support perceived by the recipient as relevant to work, career, or professional development; mentoring entails informal communication, usually face-to-face and during a sustained period of time, between a person who is perceived to have greater relevant knowledge, wisdom, or experience (the mentor) and a person who is perceived to have less (the protégé)".
Mentorship
Guidance
Advice
Edited 10 y ago
Posted 10 y ago
Responses: 85
SSG (Join to see) - What I recommend is that if somebody asks you to be their mentor, and you know that doing so would come at a high cost (i.e. degrading your ability to help others), then I suggest having a standard and fair request for each person who is asking, to determine who is serious about improving. For example, if somebody asks you to be their mentor, you can say "Ok, I'll be your mentor, and to get things started, I need you to first do..."
You can ask for something which makes sense given the context. For example, you can say "I want you to write for me an essay which highlights what you think are your strengths, your weaknesses, where you have made mistakes in the past, and how you think you want to improve on them in the future."
Off the bat, most people who are not truly going to respect your time will not even write anything, and it's their loss. Of those who actually take the time to write their thoughts in a meaningful way, then you know you have found somebody who you can really have an impact on and who really wants your help. Those who were never serious about it, will probably not come back to you... and you can't say you didn't give them a fair shot.
You can also ask for other things, like "If you want my help, show me that you are serious by coming in to work on time 30 days in a row." Or something like that. Whatever makes sense for your environment.
You can ask for something which makes sense given the context. For example, you can say "I want you to write for me an essay which highlights what you think are your strengths, your weaknesses, where you have made mistakes in the past, and how you think you want to improve on them in the future."
Off the bat, most people who are not truly going to respect your time will not even write anything, and it's their loss. Of those who actually take the time to write their thoughts in a meaningful way, then you know you have found somebody who you can really have an impact on and who really wants your help. Those who were never serious about it, will probably not come back to you... and you can't say you didn't give them a fair shot.
You can also ask for other things, like "If you want my help, show me that you are serious by coming in to work on time 30 days in a row." Or something like that. Whatever makes sense for your environment.
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LTC Yinon Weiss
COL (Join to see) -- Excellent input! It's a great point that if somebody goes through that upfront introspection, which most of us rarely get to stop and do, you will also be in a much better position to mentor them and they will be in a much better position to receive mentorship. Excellent point.
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Cpl Shannon Manuel Sr.
Maj, Sir, wish I could have served under you. Your push for true leadership is appreciated greatly how you put his position of mentorship and getting true soldiers, marines, navy, air force, someknowledge of how to show off you really want mentorship.
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SSG (Join to see)
COL (Join to see) Wow! That was awesome information. I'm humbled by your response. This post was for me to understand and receive helpful information and I believe that I have received it. Again, thanks
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COL (Join to see)
SSG (Join to see) I am humbled every day by the sacrifice and self-less service you and other NCOs devote to truly "taking care of soldiers." The backbone and sinews of our community are devoted Non-commissioned officers. I deeply admire you and those who would seek to make the lives of those around them disciplined, accountable, and strong. I also appreciate this forum LTC Yinon Weiss (RP) which allows me to pass on the kindness and wisdom that helped to shape me as a professional.
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The day you stop wanting to mentor is the day you've decided this is not the career for you. As leaders, we don't get to choose who we mentor. They choose us. When you're in that position...think back on who've mentored you. Had they told you no, how would you have felt? Better yet, would you have become such a great mentor? This life is not about us. We're given talents & gifts to help enhance others. We all get tired but that's when we push...for others.
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SSG (Join to see)
Message received and it was well said. Thank you for your response. I needed that more than you know.
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SGT(P) Gloria Francis
I just had an opportunity to read your edit post. I see where you are coming from. Great points!!!
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Leaders never turn down the opportunity to mentor. Managers do that.
The question is simple. Which are you? A Leader or a Manager?
Some folks need mentorship to excel further, some need it to turn a good troop in to a great one, others need the push to pull them out or put them out.
The question is simple. Which are you? A Leader or a Manager?
Some folks need mentorship to excel further, some need it to turn a good troop in to a great one, others need the push to pull them out or put them out.
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SSG (Join to see)
I hate the whole false dichotomy between being a leader or a manager. If you can't manage, you might have a lot of charisma... however you are not a great leader. If you can't lead, then you might have a lot of smarts... but you are not going to be a great manager. In order to do one right, you need to be skilled at both.
Ok, I'll come down off my soapbox now.
Ok, I'll come down off my soapbox now.
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PO2 Skip Kirkwood
You make a great point, SSG Colwell. Nobody has the luxury of being either a leader OR a manager. From NCO to many stars, you have to be both. And that requires several distinct skill sets....
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SSG (Join to see)
TSgt Joshua Copeland That may be your experience, however it has not been mine... there are too many who can talk a great game, motivate and inspire people, but have no aptitude at all for managing them. I know plenty of managers who are also good leaders, and one or two who know how to manage time, people and resources, but have absolutely no people skills.
PO2 Skip Kirkwood Exactly, emphasis needs to be placed on both, a leader who can't manage IMO is really just a hustler. There are too many people in leadership positions who are really just hustlers.
PO2 Skip Kirkwood Exactly, emphasis needs to be placed on both, a leader who can't manage IMO is really just a hustler. There are too many people in leadership positions who are really just hustlers.
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