What was your best "funny story" in the military?

Our Lt. told me to take out a patrol from zero dark thirty until 0400. He told me to be sure to wake him before we set out. I got my squad ready and we were all standing over the sleeping Lt. I knelt down and shook him and said, "sir, we're going on patrol now." He rolled over, opened up his eyes and looked at me for a second, then said in the most theatrical voice you can imagine, "Sgt. Furphy, you don't have magical powers, only I have magical powers, I'll turn you into a toooaaaad." I looked up at my squad and they were dancing around trying to hold in their laughter. I had to jump up real quick and run off I was laughing so hard. The next day, everytime our Lt. was around, someone would say, "I'll turn you into a toooaaaad." He never knew what we were talking about and all I can wonder is WTH was he dreaming.

In 2012 I took a lovely helo ride out to a small COP in Farah province, the middle of nowhere. I went there to find some laptops before the unit RIP'ed out. I arrived, found the laptops and updated the software...done in about three hours. "Ready for the flight out!" I told the company commander. Flight ops then went red for the week with bad duststorms, oh yay, I was stuck on this postage stamp of a COP with one change of clothes in my ruck.

They weren't prepped for my team to stay long-term, so they inflated a tent and put us in it. You know the tents that have the inflatable ribs? One of those. Only after they put the cots and us in there, they forgot to stake the tent down. A duststorm kicked up in the middle of the night throwing the tent all over the place, which caused the inflatable ribs to slowly deflate. About 2 in the morning, with the wind howling outside, a particularly bad gust picked up the tent entirely and slammed it back on the ground. I woke up while airborne and when we hit the ground I sat straight up in my cot. At that point the half deflated roof swung down and smacked me right in the face. By the time I got my light on all of the dust that was on the floor of the tent was now suspended about four feet in the air. We couldn't see anything, couldn't hear over the howling wind. I yelled, "I'm getting the f out of here!" threw on my shoes and my team and I ran out the door.

We ran into the TOC, hearing the faint sound of explosions on the other side of base. It was obvious, we were under attack. In the TOC there was twice the amount of people there, which confirmed there was an assault ongoing. We ran int he door and I yelled, "What do you need us to do!?!" Everyone turned and stared. I stood there, in shorts and a t-shirt, my nose bleeding, and covered in dust, looking like a madman. The company commander came over and kindly said, "sir, there's no attack. It's a dust storm and the Germans on the other side just did a controlled det."

We slept in the chow hall for the rest of the week.

Was sleeping under a dumptruck after completing a landnav course. I had a couple guys around and figured one of them would wake me up if anybody important came by. Next thing I know, I hear a voice, "Afternoon 1SG." I come boiling out from under the truck nearly hitting my head on the front axle, just to see that the 1SG is standing about one pace in front of me. I come to my feet at parade rest, and say "Afternoon 1SG." He busts out laughing so hard his whole body shakes, says "You're fine soldier" and walks away.