Is there anything wrong with checking yourself out of a confrontation with a coworker when things start to get too heated?

I completely agree. I think it's just a matter of finding the right words to say though, which is where i think people (including myself) get tripped up. It's hard to come up with deescalating words when it's gotten to that point. What is an acceptable way to say you need to take a moment before things get out of hand? I mean, just saying that can come off as provocative.

TSgt (Join to see) - if the situation escalated, it's likely you contributed to the escalation. You can't have a heated exchange unless both parties are heated. As they say, if you find yourself in a hole, step one is to stop digging. So stop responding to inflammatory comments. If the person is senior to you, you don't really have the option of saying something and walking away . So just stop insisting on trying to win the argument. Go into "yes sir, no sir" mode, and be very careful not to be disrespectful or "sarcastically respectful " in your tone. Whether the senior is right or wrong, or acting appropriately or not, if you mirror his disrespectful behavior you put yourself at risk for discipline. So you want to deescalate by essentially ending the conversation by just answering questions with y/n sir, and if necessary, report the seniors behavior later (if it got that bad). It's also good to develop a sense of when the senior is really interested in a discussion or a one way communication. I learned this fairly early when I started to try and respond to a boss, and he said "Mike, I'm sending, and you're receiving!" It's good to be able to recognize those situations and act accordingly. Another example was when Alabama's head coach Nick Saban was asked about a heated convesation he had with Offensive Coordinator Lane Kiffin during a game, Saban said "it wasn't a conversation, it was an ass chewing".

If you are the senior, then just end the conversation with something like "we will continue this later" or if needed, simply "thanks for your input" and leave, or send him away. A lot depends on the topic under discussion or the location it is taking place.

But the best approach is to not participate in the escalation in the first place. When talking with seniors and subordinates, you are expected to avoid personal insults or inflammatory comments. So if that's what you mean by being heated, you need to learn to eliminate those rather than worry about a clever way to backtrack. Instead of seeking advice about how to safely shower in prison, better to seek advice about how not to steal stuff in the first place.

LTC (Join to see) - full disclosure: i have never actually received any form of administrative discipline since enlisting. i very much tend to follow all rules and regulations, but that doesn't always prevent others from trying to get a rise out of the people around them. i can't control what other people do or say, but i can control what i do or say. in an instance that i or they are near a breaking point, it seems wise to try to deescalate the situation instead of willfully participating in it. my only question is how? the yes sir/no sir and nothing else response is probably the best one i've heard on this thread so far.

PO2 Skip Kirkwood TSgt (Join to see) - i would really not recommend saying that to a senior officer. The fact is that the senior decides whether or not the conversation is unproductive to him or not. And you just don't reschedule a senior officer based upon whether you think you're at your best or not. What do expect the officer to say, "let me check my calendar, and see if that time works."?

Maybe the AF and Navy do things vastly different than the Army, but I am sure that in the Army a junior saying to a senior officer "I think this has become unproductive...is 1500 good for you to finish this?" would escalate things even more. I can hear the first sentence now..."I'LL tell YOU what is unproductive or not!!!!" Or he may say "yeah, 1500 is great, and bring your entire Chain of Command with you ". ;)

LTC (Join to see) - If the senior was that irrational, I'd go with the Marine response (below, from Gunny Anderson) (Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Yes, Sir). But that was not the question that was asked. It was HOW to do it if you decided that was the best bet.

PO2 Skip Kirkwood - i understand, and suggested the yes sir method myself. It's just my opinion that it is never the "best bet" to tell a senior officer that you don't think him talking with you is productive and asking him to pick up the conversation later. But that's just my opinion, based on my experiences. Others may have had different experiences. Or as I said, maybe other services have a different culture than the Army in this regard.