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You know what I'm talking about. That time that you saw on your phone that 1SG was calling. Or the time you were told to report to the battalion headquarters. Your stomach dropped and your palms got clammy.
Maybe it was a close shave?
Maybe you didn't shave and the division CSM noticed?
You've all got them, and we all want to learn. Or at least feel your pain.
Maybe it was a close shave?
Maybe you didn't shave and the division CSM noticed?
You've all got them, and we all want to learn. Or at least feel your pain.
Posted in these groups: 
Lessons Learned
Humor
Lessons Learned Humor
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 69
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Surprise barracks walk through by the Battalion CSM (who looked like Uncle Fester and sounded like Ross Perot).
I was 19, my roommate was 20. Fridge FULL of beer we didn't get to over the weekend.
"Private First Class Oakes, how old are you?"
"19 Sergeant Major."
"So if I open this fridge, we won't have any problems, right?"
Opens fridge. Beer rolls out. He pockets the beer.
"Let's try this again...Private First Class Oakes, how old are you?"
"19, Sergeant Major."
Under his breath: "I don't think you're getting this Oakes ..."
"21, Sergeant Major."
"Good man. I hate paperwork." Starts to walk out. Stops. Turns around. Comes back to fridge. Opens it up, beer rolls out. Pockets beer. Walks out and says under his breath "It's like a god damn slot machine!"
I was 19, my roommate was 20. Fridge FULL of beer we didn't get to over the weekend.
"Private First Class Oakes, how old are you?"
"19 Sergeant Major."
"So if I open this fridge, we won't have any problems, right?"
Opens fridge. Beer rolls out. He pockets the beer.
"Let's try this again...Private First Class Oakes, how old are you?"
"19, Sergeant Major."
Under his breath: "I don't think you're getting this Oakes ..."
"21, Sergeant Major."
"Good man. I hate paperwork." Starts to walk out. Stops. Turns around. Comes back to fridge. Opens it up, beer rolls out. Pockets beer. Walks out and says under his breath "It's like a god damn slot machine!"
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1SG (Join to see)
Freakin' Awesome. I would have loved to hear his response at the next leaders call. I also would have hated to be you the next day once my 1SG found out.
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Suspended Profile
When the Charge Nurse came into the OR to tell me two MP's were waiting in the corridor with orders to immediately escort me to the Base CO's office. I apparently stirred up a bit of a ruckus when I politely but firmly invited an Austrialian and his RVN protégés to leave my hospital and never darken my doorstep again. My demeanor and requests were apparently considered to be in poor taste . . . and maybe a little over the top . . . by host nation & allied command. When we arrived he poured me a drink, told me to report to an embassy liason officer for debrief, and not to even raise my voice to anyone else for the next few days . . .
SSG (ret) William Martin
So basically services of the MP, law enforcement, was abused by a superior officer?
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Suspended Profile
SSG (ret) William Martin. There was a formal show to be put on for sake of diplomacy. I had interrupted the physically coercive questioning of a severely injured young woman on my ward . . . in a manner that the allied and host government complained gave aid and comfort to their enemies . . . disrupting legitimate questioning employing torture. The Aussies and ARVN were apparently distressed by the somewhat less than soothing tone of my voice when I suggested in my best formal Vietnamese that he should call off his filthy little dogs and never darken my doorstep again. Warmest Regards, Sandy
p.s. They were also rather concerned I was holding a borrowed M1911 in Condition 0.
p.s. They were also rather concerned I was holding a borrowed M1911 in Condition 0.
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I was LPO / acting Division officer for A-gang on a destroyer underweigh during wartime. The command decided to have an awards ceremony to which I had put in every one of my troops for (and they received). However, we had an evaporator down (1 of 2) and it had to get back on line. As the LPO I knew how to fix it and thus I sent everyone else to the awards - after all they had AWARDS to receive!
I'm down in the bilges, wet, hot, sweaty, twisted up and stuck like a MF trying to get this pump out so I can replace a strainer assembly on the evaporator...I hear a voice somewhere but I can't make it out...so I figure it's someone on watch trying to take a reading on a downed piece of gear. I yell up: "it's broke you F&*(ing moron come back in 6 hours!" Again, I hear a voice - but can't make it out. I yell: "listen, unless you're pants are on fire or you have a serious need for a beat-down foxtrot oscar!"...or words to that effect.
Again, I hear a voice and yet again I can't make out what they're saying - but it's obvious that they are trying to get my attention. So, I crawl out, bitching to myself about how it took me 20 minutes to get into that location and into that convoluted, twisted postion and how I was gonna reposition someone's physical attributes..... So, I popped up, pushing up the access panel only to be met by the Carrier's Admiral, his entire staff, My Commanding Officer, XO, Cheng and my entire Division - all proudly wearing the awards I had so painstakingly written up, justified, argued and debated about and smoozed to the top in order to ensure they got them. However, I was never informed I was also getting an award - something I abhor! (Frankly, I'd rather get every tooth in my head removed, without pain killer, than attend an award ceremony or any type of formation.) They had decided that if PO1 wouldn't come to the awards ceremony, the awards ceremony would come to PO1.
OH CRAP.
I'm down in the bilges, wet, hot, sweaty, twisted up and stuck like a MF trying to get this pump out so I can replace a strainer assembly on the evaporator...I hear a voice somewhere but I can't make it out...so I figure it's someone on watch trying to take a reading on a downed piece of gear. I yell up: "it's broke you F&*(ing moron come back in 6 hours!" Again, I hear a voice - but can't make it out. I yell: "listen, unless you're pants are on fire or you have a serious need for a beat-down foxtrot oscar!"...or words to that effect.
Again, I hear a voice and yet again I can't make out what they're saying - but it's obvious that they are trying to get my attention. So, I crawl out, bitching to myself about how it took me 20 minutes to get into that location and into that convoluted, twisted postion and how I was gonna reposition someone's physical attributes..... So, I popped up, pushing up the access panel only to be met by the Carrier's Admiral, his entire staff, My Commanding Officer, XO, Cheng and my entire Division - all proudly wearing the awards I had so painstakingly written up, justified, argued and debated about and smoozed to the top in order to ensure they got them. However, I was never informed I was also getting an award - something I abhor! (Frankly, I'd rather get every tooth in my head removed, without pain killer, than attend an award ceremony or any type of formation.) They had decided that if PO1 wouldn't come to the awards ceremony, the awards ceremony would come to PO1.
OH CRAP.
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