Posted on Jul 13, 2014
I respect all members of all branches, but where is the good humored trash talk amongst the branches?
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Just for fun. Call them out. Everyone thinks their branch is the best. (Unless your Navy that's not true) funny stories about why you witnessed the other branches do.
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Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 116
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Military Rules by Service
Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet even your friends…
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
Navy SEAL's Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.
US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines
Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet even your friends…
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
Navy SEAL's Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.
US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines
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SCPO (Join to see)
SN Elgin Beck It is because the Coast Guard is like the ids the parents (Navy) leave at home when they go on vacation. We trust you enough to watch the country, but if you let someone in you aren't supposed to, we will kick your ass.
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PO1 (Join to see)
Don't worry about it SN Beck, someone's got to take care of the "real military's" wives while they are gone.
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I could tell you all my Air Force jokes but it seems like you want jokes about the military.
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SPC Charles Brown
Where is the I never wanted to come home medal for those of us who loved serving overseas?
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MAJ (Join to see)
SPC Foltz, good one. If any ribbon is the "My Recruiter Lied" Ribbon, it's the one the entire Army qualifies for...
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A soldier, sailor, marine, airman and coast guardsman all walk into a bar together. Who walks out first?
All the civilians...
All the civilians...
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PFC Zanie Young
Reminds me of a joke I heard about an officer commanding his soldiers to take the hill only to get shot off... Still good!
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SPC Ryan Aday
One day four 3 stars (1 Army, 1 Navy, 1 Marine, 1 Air Force) are standing next to a brand new jump at Fort Jackson. The Air Force general says to the others that the Air Force is tougher than any of the other branches. He then calls his driver over "Airman, come here!" The Air walks over and stands at attention. "I want you to climb to the top of that tower and jump off of it." The air slowly climbs the tower, stops and takes his breath then continues to the top. When he gets to the top he kneels down and dangles his legs off of the edge. He then pushes himself off of the tower and lands on his ass, breaking his hip.
The Admiral then says, " Oh Yeah, well my seamen are a hell of a lot tougher than that." He then calls for his driver, Seaman front and center. His driver quickly runs over. "I want you to run up that tower and dive off!!" The sailor quickly runs to the top and without missing a beat he dives off doing a beautiful swan dive, landing face first into the ground, snapping his neck.
The Marine general then says, " There is no way in hell that some squid will ever outdo a Marine!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Devil Dog front and center!!!!!" His snaps to attention in front of him so quickly that you would of thought he was a bolt of lightning. "Aye Sir" " I want you to as fast as godly possible fly up those steps to the top of that tower then do the most incredible, amazing dive ever performed in the history of mankind!!!!! And do it with style!!!!""Aye Sir" The Marine Then runs so fast up the tower that they still swear that he was flying. He then jumps high into the air doing somersaults, flips, spins and even twists. He then straightens out and drives himself 4 feet into the ground.
Just as the Marine general is about to boast to the others, the Army general speaks," Oh you think that's balls, watch this." "Soldier, Fall In!" Yes Sir" The soldier stands at attention. "I want you to fly up that tower, faster than that Marine. I want you to jump higher, stay in the air longer, and bury yourself deeper than that Marine. And I want you to do it with a sense of style!" The soldier looks at the general, looks at the tower, then looks at the other three stars. He then snaps to a sharp salute. Tells the general F$#$ You, performs an about face and walks away.
The three 3 stars just stand there in a state of shock. Totally speechless. The Army general then speaks. " Now that's what I call Balls!"
The Admiral then says, " Oh Yeah, well my seamen are a hell of a lot tougher than that." He then calls for his driver, Seaman front and center. His driver quickly runs over. "I want you to run up that tower and dive off!!" The sailor quickly runs to the top and without missing a beat he dives off doing a beautiful swan dive, landing face first into the ground, snapping his neck.
The Marine general then says, " There is no way in hell that some squid will ever outdo a Marine!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Devil Dog front and center!!!!!" His snaps to attention in front of him so quickly that you would of thought he was a bolt of lightning. "Aye Sir" " I want you to as fast as godly possible fly up those steps to the top of that tower then do the most incredible, amazing dive ever performed in the history of mankind!!!!! And do it with style!!!!""Aye Sir" The Marine Then runs so fast up the tower that they still swear that he was flying. He then jumps high into the air doing somersaults, flips, spins and even twists. He then straightens out and drives himself 4 feet into the ground.
Just as the Marine general is about to boast to the others, the Army general speaks," Oh you think that's balls, watch this." "Soldier, Fall In!" Yes Sir" The soldier stands at attention. "I want you to fly up that tower, faster than that Marine. I want you to jump higher, stay in the air longer, and bury yourself deeper than that Marine. And I want you to do it with a sense of style!" The soldier looks at the general, looks at the tower, then looks at the other three stars. He then snaps to a sharp salute. Tells the general F$#$ You, performs an about face and walks away.
The three 3 stars just stand there in a state of shock. Totally speechless. The Army general then speaks. " Now that's what I call Balls!"
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SPC Charles Brown
Some people who think outside the box should be put back in and mailed to somewhere else. Where is the coldest place on earth?
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