What's your best military-related story?

I had taken over my first platoon and returned from my first patrol, on my first deployment to Iraq. We had just switched over from HMMWV's to the MRAP's. I was feeling "super cool" and got a little overzealous in jumping out of my truck (didn't maintain my 3 points of contact). My gear caught on the hydraulic door and I'm only 5'3" so I was way too short to do reach anything to lift myself off. So there I was, hanging by my IBA from the door of my MAXXPRO in front of my platoon. It was reminiscent of the nerd hanging by his underwear from the school locker. My Platoon Sergeant and Warrant Officer had to come lift me off. As they untangled me from the door, all they could say was, "Ma'am... how in the world???" to which I responded, "I have no idea, please don't judge me." It's 6 years later and we still laugh about that whenever we talk.

After about 2 months as a Male Company Commander for a Female Company my ladies knew my routine and the rules of the Barracks. Any man entering the barracks spaces announced himself any time between Reveille and Taps. There were no men allowed between taps and reveille, except the Company Commander, since this was where my office was. Everyone knew I arrived in the morning between 0500 and 0515, without fail. One morning I arrived at 0505 and as I turned into the Main Floor of the BEQ, I heard a shower running and then turn off. As I turned toward my office, one of the young ladies stepped out of the head, totally nude, shower kit in hand, and towel over her shoulder. Both of us stopped dead in our tracks I saw a very young, well-built 20-year-old and realized there could be a problem. She looked at me and realized that she had made a mistake. Being a man as well as her Company Commander, I looked in her eyes. Then I looked all the way down to her feet and back to her eyes. Finally, I broke the silence and said, "Sailor, where the hell are your shower shoes?" With that, she did a full body blush, turned, and ran to her room. I never had any problems when I went to work after that.

I am Patrolling during night shift by Las Pulgas on Camp Pendleton. It is evening, and has just become dark. As I am driving down the road, I am aware of a large grey object in front of me that is just coming into view of my headlights. As I get closer I see that it is actually a car that is driving down the road with no taillights. I light him up and pull the vehicle over. As I walk up I notice that this is an '80's model Chevy Camero. It has black tinted window, and gray primer all over it. There is no license plate, where the tail lights are supposed to be are bare wires, the tires are bald, no headlights, no dash lights, no wipers, no registration, no driver’s license, no insurance and the door doesn’t close. Plus the guy driving it could not see out the windshield because it had a radiator leak and the window was covered in coolant and dirt. So the guy is hanging his head out of the window with a flashlight, while trying to hold the door in place.
He was a civilian who had come on base to pick up a friend of his, and they were on their way off base again. How he got on base, I have no idea. I gather all this information as I am walking up and this guy, starts mouthing off to me. Calling me all kinds of uncreative names... I mean really if you are going to bother to insult and mouth off to an officer of the law, at least have the courtesy of being creative and original. After all it makes it easier to swallow when you end up in hand cuffs and behind bars. Anyway he starts to mouthing off to me, and basically wanting to know why I have pulled him over. After all he is a civilian and I can’t do a thing to him.... <chuckle> <chuckle> (this is going to be fun)
I proceed to ask him for driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. His passenger, who is the Marine he has come to pick up, is constantly telling him to shut the fuck up, because "These MP's don’t f@$# around!!" I advise the individual he should listen to his friend. He tells me I can go f@$# myself and gets back in his car ready to leave. I chuckle again, reach in and grab him by the collar bone and armpit and drag him out through his window. I then proceed to handcuff him and leave him face down on the road behind his car. I had to call my supervisor over with his ticket book, because I ran out of tickets. After all was said and done, he had 17 tickets that totaled over 3K. The thing he did not reckon on, MP’s had the ability to write military tickets as well as federal tickets. He then had to go down before a federal magistrate to get the whole thing taken care of. It sucked to be him.
After I wrote all the tickets, and un-locked one of his handcuffs, handcuffing the other to his back belt loop, he signed all the citations. Not to happily might I add. I then un-cuff him, he gets back into his car and is about to drive off when I advise him that his vehicle is unsafe and I will not allow him to drive the vehicle on "MY BASE". He asks how he supposed to get home; I said I didn’t care as long as he didn’t drive on my base. He asked how far the gate was, I told him 3.5 miles. So him and his friend get out and start pushing the car. I stayed behind him with my amber lights flashing, while I ate my sandwich, and drank some coffee. When he gets to the gate, he hops in and starts his car up. I light him up again, he is swearing profusely, and is very agitated. He started screaming about jurisdiction and lack of authority. Oh the uninformed. California is a police state and law enforcement have jurisdiction everywhere. Anyway, I tell him that he just reached the gate, but federal property actually extends another 300 yards. He and his buddy had to get out and push another 300 yards. He then got in his car and became someone else problem. I never did see that car on base again.