What is your best/worst military holiday story?

I was beginning to think that Christmas in Honolulu would be great until I got slammed by Hawaiianized Christmas music everywhere I went. Get it out of my mind!! So the best one was at South Pole because everyone made sure everyone was family. Worse one was trying to sleep under Mount 52 when our tin can was on fire support missions. We had so many, we couldn't have everyone at Battle Stations so rotated the best we could with Port/Starboard watches. Hard to sleep when your rack is slapping your butt twice a minute. The eggnog tasted suspiciously of powdered eggs left over from Napoleon's army.

My fondest memories were seeing who could make the best Christmas decorations in the complete absence of any. Or maybe wondering how St. Nick would appear? Those kids never let me down.

My step mom was the SNL Church Lady, without the humor. While visiting for Christmas she wanted us all to attend Christmas mass at her church. Her Church was very large and the acoustics were terrible. During a moment of quiet in the mass, someone farted. There was no doubt everyone heard it. Silence. Then, my son, who was five laughed uproariously. The more I tried to get him to knock it off, the more he laughed.

At some point the laughter hit critical mass and the entire church was laughing hysterically, EXCEPT my stepmom. She was scandalized and furious. After three or four minutes, the congregation composed itself. The minister then giggled and choked out "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord", as he wiped tears from his eyes. At which the entire congregation lost it one more time. I was laughing so hard, I rocked forward and hit my nose on the pew in front of me and got a bloody nose, which totally destroyed my Dad's last vestige of composure.

On the ride home, deafening silence. As we pulled into the driveway my stepmom with every bit of steel she could put in her voice, glaring at me, said "You have ruined Christmas forever." To which my Dad laughingly said, "He's not the one who farted". My step mom stormed into the house. My Dad and my family sat in the car laughing until the lights went out and we knew the Church lady was in bed. Dad slept on the couch.