Posted on Jan 31, 2015
SPC It Technician/Consultant
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So I have dealt with my fair share of civilians asking me questions like if I went to Afghanistan or Iraq. I never deployed in my 3 years of service, but just over a week ago when someone asked me that and I said "No, I never deployed." He replied with, "How are you even a veteran then? You didn't even serve your country." I just stood there like a deer in headlights because I had no idea how to respond to that. The worst part was that I had this feeling that he was right, and it's been eating me up since.

The last thing I want to do is sound like some kind of princess who can't get up and brush himself off but my question is how do you deal with something like that, how do you respond and more importantly, how can I stop this feeling nagging at me?

Note: Image added by RP staff

Thanks in advance.
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Responses: 1543
COL Vincent Stoneking
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So, this may not be terribly politically correct, but....
1. Look deeply into the eyes of this civilian who never volunteered to serve.
2. Ponder deeply all the sacrifices that you were willing to make, which he/she was not.
3. Hold your last f%ck in your cupped palm, remembering that he/she has the ability to be all judge-y because you took your turn standing on the line.
4. Open your hand and let that last f%ck fly away into the sky.
5. Carry on.
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4 mo
When there is a call for re-enforcements to be thrown into the fight, I want qualified competent ready to fight people to answer that call. When we went to the desert, they pulled a lot of guard and reserve guys in and I was favorably impressed by them when they started showing up and filling out the gaps in our ranks.

Then to there are all those other non-combat missions that call for military organization to help the civilian community recover from whatever disaster may come along.
PFC Clifford Kelley
PFC Clifford Kelley
3 mo
Well said Sir!
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SPC Domenique McGaughey
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LCpl Michael Cappello
LCpl Michael Cappello
1 mo
Oooh Raah Colonel Sir.
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Sgt Jay Jones
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Edited 10 y ago
SPC Alexander Ackerman, don't drink the civilian Kool-Aid. Whatever idiot told you that you were not a veteran has never been in the military. ANYONE who is honorably serves in the U.S. Military is a veteran in my eyes. You have a DD-214, that says Honorably Discharged you are just as brave and committed as Marine Sgt Dakota Meyers. You have very little control over your duty station or whether or not you will see combat. I did a tour in the Republic of Vietnam from 1970-1971. I was not actively involved in combat and did not earn a Combat Action Ribbon. Basically, all I have are the "I was there ribbons". That does not make me any less of a Marine than my peers who received Purple Hearts and Silver Stars. It just mean circumstances did not present themselves. Just as in your case, circumstances did not present themselves. However, you do have something to hang your hat on. Unlike your "civilian" friend claims you are not a veteran, YOU went through basic training. YOU took an oath to protect and defend the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic. YOU RAISED YOU HAND AND SAID "SO HELP ME GOD" at the end of your swearing in. YOU ARE A VETERAN!!!
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CMDCM Rodney Bell
CMDCM Rodney Bell
>1 y
My brother,
You dropped the mic on that one.
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MSgt Mark Prechtl
MSgt Mark Prechtl
>1 y
No one could say it better Sgt Jones!!
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SFC Howard Holmes
SFC Howard Holmes
>1 y
MSgt Mark Prechtl - Thank you for your service at that dark period Sgt. Jones, I truly appreciate it from my heart. I don't know, having never been a Marine, if I'm allowed to give you a Semper Fi, so Semper Fi, and if you dress me down, I will know better.
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SGT Kevin Hughes
SGT Kevin Hughes
11 mo
Loved this response! And the entire thread. Well said, my fellow Veteran.
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SFC Processing Nco
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You're not a combat veteran. Oh well. You volunteered. If you purposely avoided deployment then yes, you should feel bad. If your unit just didn't go in that time then it's not on you. Look at the other branch's deployments; Kuwait, turkey, manas. You did more than the general public. Even the combat guys deal with this when civilians ask us if we've ever killed anyone. Not everyone kills. Sometimes you're the guy pulling rear security. Civilians don't get it, hence why I don't talk about the military to them.
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1LT Peter Suedfeld
1LT Peter Suedfeld
7 mo
I was stationed at Clark AB just as US military action in VN was getting its slow start, with Green Berets as "advisors," in 1957. We were bookends, it seems.
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Capt RIck Black
Capt RIck Black
3 d
I had the chance to speak to a sixth grade class one Veterans Day and a young kid asked me if I had killed anyone. My response was “That’s not a good question. If the answer is yes, the guy/girl you asked is still actively trying to forget it and you just reminded them of their action. And if the answer is No, may have reminded them that they were in safe places and didn’t need to put it all on the line.
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